Food

* Lawyer explains to court how people illegally implanted a silicon chip in her head. No word on her feelings about Mondays. [Tampa Bay Times] * How much juice content did Coca-Cola think allowed them to market a product as juice? The answer will actually surprise you unless you really, really hate Coke. [PR Log] * Defendants should not have access to the Internet because they could beat someone to death with an iPad. I guess. [Lowering the Bar] * Mobile crammers settle for $10 million. The charge will appear on their next month’s phone bill. [Law and More] * Like most things in life, the path to victory involves beginning from the KISS principle. [Katz Justice] * Of all the over-the-top immigration control efforts in this country, arresting a couple in bed for not being “married enough” is one of the craziest. [Sun Sentinel] * The American Bar Association, fresh off loosening its accreditation standards, is actually trying to dupe kids into thinking this is the best time to attend law school. Check out this ad. And if you want to play with it in Photoshop, that would be cool too…

When will this lawyer stop his hunger strike? It's up to you, America!

The FDA is getting dragged into the debate over what truly defines "hummus."

Is Vermont's new food labeling law a good idea? Conservative columnist Tamara Tabo has her doubts.

Megan Grandinetti explains why "treating yourself" to comfort food is a bad idea, even during a grueling all-nighter at your law firm.

You actually will not believe the name of the company Mister Softee is suing....

* When asked whether she thought Edward Snowden was “a whistleblower or a traitor,” Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg politely declined to answer — justices of the Supreme Court don’t just give previews of their opinions. [CNN]

* Ed Siskel recently left his role as deputy counsel in the Office of White House Counsel. It’s anyone’s guess which Biglaw firm added Gene Siskel’s nephew to its practice. Hopefully it’ll get a thumbs-up. [Politics Now / Los Angeles Times]

* It’s a “tale of two law schools”: the kind that place their students in jobs and the kind that let them languish in unemployment or underemployment. More on this tomorrow. [National Law Journal]

* Two NYU Law students’ emails were subpoenaed after they denounced the business activities of one of the law school’s trustees. Now, we’re not going to say that the school picked a side, but… [DNAinfo]

* Congrats, you can “Like” General Mills all you want without fear of arbitration. The company was so overwhelmed by negative consumer response that it withdrew its new legal terms. [New York Times]

* This law school will only accept students who want to be lawyers for the “right” reasons. In other words they’re admitting everyone because literally no admissions essay ever says, “I want to be a lawyer so I can make bank covering up a Ponzi scheme.” [Huffington Post] * Sexually harassing unpaid interns with the full protection of the law was fun while it lasted in New York. [Slate] * Mark Herrmann shows you how to write articles that are not only boring but that actually deter anyone from trusting you as a lawyer. [The Young Lawyer / ABA] * How do you deal with political talk in the office? Booze helps. [Corporette] * More on the wackadoo pro se legal theory that having fringe on an American flag merits an automatic dismissal. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post] * The rent is too damn high! [Lawyers, Guns & Money] * Remaining calm when your client can’t. [Katz Justice] * Lawyer makes cookies out of vegetables. It sounds gross to me, but I’m willing to try anything once. [Globe & Mail]

* There’s a guy called the “Good-Grammar Bandit” out there and he’s a high priority target of the FBI? Allow me to take this opportunity to tell the FBI their doing a good job. [Lowering the Bar] * Some folks have asked me incredulously about yesterday’s Non-Sequiturs item about Louisiana and Oregon allowing convictions with non-unanimous juries. So here’s some background on how that came to be. [Constitutional Accountability Center] * Speaking of Louisiana, a lawyer has filed suit against Morris Bart, a major personal injury law firm, for unpaid wages. From what we’re hearing this may be the tip of the iceberg for these sorts of allegations — lots of people have been leaving the firm recently and that’s a recipe for complaints going both ways. [Louisiana Record] * Florida may not regulate real guns any time soon, but one 11th Circuit judge is ready to regulate the hell out of shotgun pleadings! [South Florida Lawyers Blog] * Lawyers are bad at social media. They’re bad at social reality, why did we expect them to be good at social virtuality? [CMS Wire] * ADA’s father was kidnapped (and recovered). Yikes. [WRAL] * A follow-up on our prior Sriracha lawsuit coverage. [USA Today] * A look at the legal issues in the most recent episode of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. If you saw it (and Captain America to the extent they are intertwined), you know there were some heavy legal issues at play. [Legal Geeks]

Don't be a law student who tries to come between a police officer and his lunch. The result is not pretty.

* Beef: it’s what’s for dinner (at the D.C. Circuit). [How Appealing] * “The Likelihood A Robot Will Steal Your Job, In One Picture.” Good news for lawyers, not-so-good news for paralegals. [Kotaku] * An interesting perspective from Professor Faisal Kutty: “Why Gay Marriage May Not Be Contrary To Islam.” [Huffington Post] * And from Willkie partner Francis J. Menton: “Argentina Is Joined In The Supreme Court By The Coalition Of Weasels.” (I’m guessing Willkie doesn’t represent many foreign sovereigns in fights against their creditors; that seems to be Cleary Gottlieb’s niche.) [Manhattan Contrarian via Instapundit] * A CLE event that offers a lot of bang for the buck. [National Firearms Law Seminar] * If you’ll be in Philadelphia tomorrow night, watch a bunch of Penn Law students beat up some punks from Wharton — for a good cause! [Wharton vs. Law: Fight Night; promotional video after the jump]

* “How many years would you put a TV pitchman in jail? 3 years? 5 years? Don’t answer yet…” [Sentencing Law and Policy] * So there’s a sex tape of Chris Christie. Except it isn’t him. They should have known Christie could never be a porn star. You can’t get far in the porn biz by saying, “This lane is closed.” [Gawker] * Dolt Duped By Date Sues OKCupid. [NY Post] * Patents are a terrible measure of innovation. Hold on, I defy you to besmirch the Anti-Drowning Hat. [Concurring Opinions] * Wage theft in fast food shouldn’t come as a surprise, but the role played by the franchise model in creating labor law violations is intriguing. [Lawyers, Guns & Money] * A gathering of business development tips, including shout outs to Anonymous Partner and Mark Herrmann. [Corporette] * What better qualification to challenge for the Vegas DA’s job than to be prosecuted by that office days before the election? [Las Vegas Law Blog] * A Baltimore lawyer aggressively used the habeas process to release mentally ill girls to serve as personal slaves to the wealthy. [Slate] * Weil’s Business Finance & Restructuring team is putting together a March Madness bracket based on quotes from bankruptcy decisions. Let the excitement wash over you. Having not seen the bracket yet, I’m reserving judgment on what an awesome array of bankruptcy quotes would look like. [Bankruptcy Blog] * Kevin O’Keefe, who presented on my panel at our Attorney@Blog conference, left all of us touched with his tribute to Above the Law. [Real Lawyers Have Blogs]

Dining out on the firm's dime: a time-honored law firm tradition -- where people act like d-bags.

* Fatwa against Fat. Wha? Saudi cleric issues Fatwa against all you can eat buffets. Old Country Buffet reeling from the blow to expansion plans. [International Business Times] * Legislature close to disbanding speed trap town. [Lowering the Bar] * Federal district judge who thought he was one of the Hardy Boys gets a benchslap from Judge Rakoff. [Josh Blackman's Blog] * The dean of the DePaul College of Law, Gregory Mark, is stepping down at the end of the academic year. Administration issues are never fun, but this is better than another story about Augustus Sol Invictus. [Chicago Sun-Times] * Respect is a two-way street. That’s why you don’t disrespectfully interrupt judges and judges shouldn’t berate lawyers for doing nothing wrong. [Katz Justice] * The most overrated and underrated law schools. Go Ducks! [TaxProf Blog]

* Valerie Ford Jacob, leader of Fried Frank since 2003, is stepping down from her post prior to her official 2015 departure date. At least she’s leaving on a high note, with the firm’s highest profits per partner ever. Yay. [WSJ Law Blog (sub. req.)]

* Ralph Lerner, the ex-Sidley Austin partner who billed extra car charges to his clients, claims he went into work on weekends to do work for free to make up for it. Aww, how nice of him. [Am Law Daily]

* When we first covered this in January, it was just a rumor, but now it’s officially set in stone. The deed is done: Buchanan Ingersoll is picking up Tampa firm Fowler White Boggs. [Pittsburgh Business Times]

* Many New York law schools moved in the recent U.S. News rankings, but not necessarily in the right direction. Four out of 15 schools moved up; the rest stayed the same or slipped. [New York Law Journal]

* Would you like damages with that? McDonald’s corporate and its franchisees are facing lawsuits filed by employees over their allegedly “stolen wages.” Class actions have been filed in three states. [Bloomberg]

* Dewey know which D&L defendants did the perp walk of shame before their arraignment yesterday? Three of the ex-executives! Even Steve Davis, who quit his job as in-house counsel to Ras al Ghul Khaimah of the UAE last week. [Am Law Daily]

* It’s about half and half when it comes to states that have filed briefs with the Tenth Circuit in support of or against the rulings striking down gay marriage bans in Utah and Oklahoma. Sadly, not everyone can be as fabulous as we’d like. [National Law Journal]

* Abortion clinics are closing their doors in Texas thanks to new legislation, and the total number of clinics in the state come September will be six. Let the Mexican medical tourism commence. [New York Times]

* Illegal immigrants can’t practice law in Florida, says the state’s Supreme Court, but they can in California. Good thing there’s eleventy billion law schools there to accommodate them. [Miami Herald]

* Webster Lucas, the fellow suing McDonald’s over an alleged race-based napkin denial that’s since prevented him from working, has sued fast food joints before. He’s a “vexatious litigant.” [NBC Los Angeles]

Muscle Milk + Pro Se Litigant = Hilarity.

Ba-da-ba-ba-baaa, this guy was not lovin' it -- at all...

* Things seem to be getting worse and worse over at Patton Boggs. Sure, the firm is trying to shack up with Squire Sanders, but Chevron/Ecuador lawsuit engineer James Tyrell may soon lead a new brigade of defectors out the door. [Businessweek]

* Morgan Lewis & Bockius just poached its first chief operating officer from a rival Biglaw firm. Anthony Licata most recently served as COO at Dechert, so we have a feeling he’ll do just fine at his new home in Philly. Congratulations! [Law 360 (sub. req.)]

* It’s a whole lot easier to get into law school these days, especially when some of the new admissions requirements including having a pulse and the ability to sign loan documents. Case in point: 42% percent of applicants were accepted at this “top-tier” school last year. [GW Hatchet]

* Just saying, but if you “dislike stressful, busy work environments,” the time to determine if law school was right for you was before you actually went to law school. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News]

* A California man is suing McDonald’s because he only received one napkin with his meal. Meh, the woman who claimed McDonald’s turned her into a hooker was a more sympathetic plaintiff. [News One]

* A source says the casualties at Kasowitz were a matter of “managing the pipeline” after work involving the credit crisis dried up. Don’t worry, he says the firm’s still really busy. Aww, someone will believe you. [New York Law Journal]

* Sorry, folks, but if you want to work in Biglaw, taking classes during law school like “Law and Unicorns” isn’t going to cut it. Try to stick to the boring stuff, and you probably won’t get dinged as often. [Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* Oregon’s AG is refusing to defend the state’s ban on same-sex marriage because it “cannot withstand a federal constitutional challenge under any standard of review.” That’s just fabulous, darling. [Bloomberg]

* Career alternatives for attorneys: Olympic gold medalist. Jennifer Jones, in-house counsel at National Bank Financial, helped Canada’s curling team take the win this week in Sochi. You go, girl! [The Star]

* Say hi to this century’s Stella Liebeck. A woman is suing Dunkin’ Donuts after suffering second and third degree burns to her crotchal region after spilling her hot apple cider. [New Jersey Law Journal (reg. req.)]