Horrible Jobs

It’s been a while since I’ve done a terrible jobs report. With Alex Rich around to offer a more nuanced understanding of the contract attorney ghetto, I’m content to just lock my doors and drive past those emails as quickly as possible.

I would have ignored this terrible job too, but somebody responded to the job opening and wished… very bad things on the potential employer. It’s not every day you see a “take this job and shove it” email from somebody who doesn’t actually have the job…

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Law student who is employed upon graduation thanks to the marketable skill of bagging groceries.

You can do anything with a law degree, including most of the things you could have done without a law degree.

For instance, you could bag groceries with a law degree. I think they even teach classes in law school that prepare you for a life of bagging groceries — one is called “Environmental Law.” Still, when a law school starts advertising “clerking” jobs that involve working in stores instead of courthouses, you really know all you need to about the market for new graduates.

And this is from a law school with a bit of a history of advertising terrible law jobs for its grads…

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The job market for new attorneys is bad, but you already know that. People are struggling to find any paying legal work of any kind, even as they hope that one day the investment they’ve made in law school will pay off. And you already know that.

Employers know that. Employers know that you are desperate and sad, and they’re happy to take advantage of that. But there’s an employer posting on Craigslist who wants to hire you, even though they know you’re going to spend a lot of your time there crying in your office.

I mean “cubicle”….

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I don’t know about you, but I would love to be a law school dean. Hell, I’d be the dean of the crappiest law school available. I’d crush the faculty, elevate career services, bottom-out tuition, teach “business management” courses during the useless third year, and ask 0Ls to submit a “career business plan” instead of a personal essay when they apply.

So… where do I send my application?

Actually, there’s a law school in Texas that posted its deanship opening on Symplicity…

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Usually, when we discuss terrible jobs we’re talking about an employer offering a very low salary (or asking for payment), for a low-level, menial job. This time, the hourly rate is actually pretty decent — at least when you can find the work.

It’s one of the requirements that seems totally ridiculous and newsworthy:

Ivy League or comparable only, please.

This is not going to be a post about how contract work is beneath Ivy league (or comparable) attorneys. This is going to be a post about what kind of a giant douchebag you have to be to feel like your collection work can only be completed by Ivy league attorneys….

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Only the guy on top thinks this is a mutually beneficial relationship.

I know people are desperate. Last week, we wrote about a person who is so desperate, she was thinking of working for an allegedly disreputable attorney just to get experience.

But employers who are trying to take advantage of the desperation in the recent graduate market are real jerks. Trying to get desperate recent grads to work for free (or to actually pay you to work) isn’t taking advantage of a market opportunity, it’s taking advantage of people.

We’ve seen a lot of employers offering to “hire” people for free, but rarely with the kind of pompous overtones of the Craigslist ad below. It’s one of those ads that boasts about a lot of things in ALL CAPS, except for when it comes to paying people….

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It’s time to take another look at some of the worst jobs being offered to recent law graduates around the country. Most people think that getting a J.D. is a path to high-salaried positions where you work in an office that smells of rich mahogany.

For some people, it all works out. But many recent graduates of law school end up fighting it out on salaries between $30,000 and $60,000 a year. It’s the bi-modal salary distribution curve, folks, and it’s not your friend.

Today, we’re not looking at full-time jobs, though. We’re taking a look at some positions available for people looking to supplement their income. These are part-time positions, but if you are a student or a recent graduate who needs some extra cash, you should check these out.

And, you know, despair…

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It's great to work this hard and get paid less than minimum wage. And by 'great' I mean 'amazingly horrible.'

Welcome to Above the Law’s ongoing series: “Jobs that will put y’all back in chains.”

Unlike many of our terrible jobs, today’s story about the terrible job market is at least a job for lawyers that involves the practice of law. And earning money.

Mind you, it’s not a lot of money. Depending on how many hours you work, it’s below minimum wage. And the ad says that the hours are grueling.

But the combination of low pay and hard work isn’t what makes this job particularly horrible. It’s the fact that the employer thinks they’re going to attract the best of the best with this pathetic excuse for legal work….

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We’ve done a surprising number of stories about law school career service officers who push babysitting gigs on their unemployed students. I say “surprising” because after our first story, you’d think law schools would figure out that law students don’t like being put up for jobs that they could have secured in high school.

Since that first one, most CSO personnel and other law school staffers have figured out that babysitting jobs are best when the employer is a professor or somebody else connected with the law school. Then it’s less of a “career of last resort” and more of “helping out a member of your community” (who happens to be well-connected).

But it looks like one school has regressed to the point of just insulting its students with a babysitting ad that kind of rubs salt in the unemployment wound….

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