Hotties

Lawyers and reality television: a match made in heaven? Some might regard Andi Dorfman, the beautiful Atlanta prosecutor turned Bachelorette, as a goddess (and some might disagree).

Talk of paradise brings us to the latest high-profile reality TV offering: Utopia. This “big, bold, and expensive” Fox show debuted last night to ratings described as “not ideal.” The premise of the show: drop 15 people into an isolated five-acre camp in the California wilderness, with no internet, electricity, or plumbing, and watch these “founding fathers and mothers” try to “form a new society and rethink all the fundamental tenets of civilization.”

An Above the Law reader who watched the first episode described Utopia as “a complete train wreck.” But at least it’s a train wreck featuring a lawyer — a rather attractive lawyer, in fact….

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Listen to Bill Alverson and this tiara could be yours.

Small-firm lawyer Bill Alverson doesn’t show up on the first page of Google if you search for “lawyer in Andalusia, Alabama,” where Alverson’s firm is based. Which might be a problem for a lawyer relying on Google to generate clients.  After all, Andalusia has a population of only 9,078, so if you can’t make it onto the first page of Google there, can you make it anywhere?

But Alverson needn’t worry because his law practice isn’t an all-encompassing jealous mistress. Instead, Alverson has another kind of mistress on the side of his day job at his small father/son firm, Alverson & Alverson — dozens of them, really. As noted in this past weekend’s New York Times magazine (and today’s Quote of the Day), aspiring beauty queens retain Alverson to coach them to victory at state and national pageants.

Turns out, working with statutes and the statuesque have more in common than one might think….

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‘Your hair looks like [expletive]!’ – Bill Alverson

Being in front of a jury or a judge is the biggest pageant there is. Think of ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ or ‘12 Angry Men.’ It’s about empowering the people who are going to make a decision to connect the dots. I set up the dots.

Bill Alverson of Alverson & Alverson, commenting on what it takes to win during his day job as a lawyer. Alverson has won cases before the Eleventh Circuit and Alabama’s Supreme Court, but he moonlights as one of America’s most-successful beauty pageant coaches. He’s paid $125 an hour for his unfiltered, tough-love advice, and he’s prepared many Miss USA and Miss America winners in the past.

Danica McKellar

If you watched The Wonder Years when you were younger, Winnie Cooper was probably one of your first crushes. If you’re too young to remember that much about this television show, think of Topanga Lawrence from Boy Meets World. If you’re too young to remember that television show, then we’re dating ourselves, but sorry, but we can’t help you. Google it!

It seems that Danica McKellar, the actress who played Winnie Cooper many moons ago, is still a heartbreaker. Yesterday afternoon, she announced to the world that she was engaged to a very handsome Biglaw partner.

Who is he? Let’s find out…

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We used to think that the Biglaw firm with the best-looking lawyers in New York City was Davis Polk, but then Paul Weiss brought sexy back in the Big Apple. Alas, their title was usurped in less than two years’ time by a challenger from another firm.

Who is she, and which firm does she hail from?

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This is a clear sign of the impending apocalypse. It’s totally insane and it speaks poorly of where we are. We are so enamored with appearance and attractiveness that we are willing to totally disregard that we’re talking [about] somebody who is a criminal, someone who has a long rap sheet and a history of convictions. His current allegations involve weapons possession by somebody who society has deemed should not possess guns. If the allegations against him are true, he appears to be a very, very bad boy.

– Criminal defense attorney Darren Kavinoky, host of Investigation Discovery’s “Deadly Sins,” commenting on the Hollywood modeling agent that Jeremy Meeks signed with after his mugshot went viral.

The job scene for recent law school graduates is still a little rough around the edges. Just 57 percent of the class of 2013 managed to secure full-time, long-term positions as lawyers within nine months of graduation, and those who found one of those golden tickets are clinging to them for dear life. Biglaw hiring, on the other hand, was up by about 10 percent, and the 3,989 members of the class of 2013 who are now working as associates are as happy as can be.

Enjoying their starting salaries of $160,000, many of these new lawyers are high on life. While some of their colleagues are mass-emailing pictures of their biceps to entire state bars just to get a job, these associates are kicking back in their offices without a care in the world (save for their billable hours).

One new associate felt so secure in his employment that he decided to take up a side gig as an underwear model — using his real name. Seeing as this associate has been working as an interchangeable cog in a large machine, how will his firm feel about his parading around half-naked online?

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I just visited my wife and she said I like, blew up all over Facebook.

Jeremy Meeks, the 30-year-old California man whose mugshot went viral this week. Meeks previously served nine years in prison, and was recently arrested on gun charges in a multi-agency raid. He’s being held on $900,000 bond.

Making your way in the legal world these days is tough. We’ve seen lawyers who’ve had to turn to stripping, prostitution, and even whoring. It’s just hard to make ends meet when jobs are tight and debt’s creeping up on you.

Which is why this woman may have the right idea. She got all her stripping out of the way before law school so she could pay the bills and now she takes nude glamour shots (or at least semi-nude — she covers herself just enough) for 12 hours a week and lives the high life while still in law school. Pretty sweet deal. Her experience can be an inspiration for Belle Knox’s plan to finance law school with porn stardom.

So let’s take a closer look. And by look, I mean here are some (safe for most workplaces) pictures…

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Two of my favorites: Jesse Eisenberg and Andy Samberg.

Earlier in the week, I came across an interesting intellectual-property fact pattern in the New York Post. The Post reported on a calendar conflict in which the creator of the Nice Jewish Guys Calendar, an established brand, alleges trademark infringement by a newcomer, the Naughty Jewish Boys Calendar.

I must now confess to a weakness for the Chosen People. I admire them not just for their socioeconomic and educational attainment but for their sex appeal. So I was more than happy to investigate.

Let’s check out the competing calendars, the cease-and-desist letter, and the response thereto — along with some Hebraic hotties, of course….

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