Lawyers and reality television: a match made in heaven? Some might regard Andi Dorfman, the beautiful Atlanta prosecutor turned Bachelorette, as a goddess (and some mightdisagree).
Talk of paradise brings us to the latest high-profile reality TV offering: Utopia. This “big, bold, and expensive” Fox show debuted last night to ratings described as “not ideal.” The premise of the show: drop 15 people into an isolated five-acre camp in the California wilderness, with no internet, electricity, or plumbing, and watch these “founding fathers and mothers” try to “form a new society and rethink all the fundamental tenets of civilization.”
An Above the Law reader who watched the first episode described Utopia as “a complete train wreck.” But at least it’s a train wreck featuring a lawyer — a rather attractive lawyer, in fact….
Listen to Bill Alverson and this tiara could be yours.
Small-firm lawyer Bill Alverson doesn’t show up on the first page of Google if you search for “lawyer in Andalusia, Alabama,” where Alverson’s firm is based. Which might be a problem for a lawyer relying on Google to generate clients. After all, Andalusia has a population of only 9,078, so if you can’t make it onto the first page of Google there, can you make it anywhere?
But Alverson needn’t worry because his law practice isn’t an all-encompassing jealous mistress. Instead, Alverson has another kind of mistress on the side of his day job at his small father/son firm, Alverson & Alverson — dozens of them, really. As noted in this past weekend’s New York Times magazine (and today’s Quote of the Day), aspiring beauty queens retain Alverson to coach them to victory at state and national pageants.
Turns out, working with statutes and the statuesque have more in common than one might think….
‘Your hair looks like [expletive]!’ – Bill Alverson
Being in front of a jury or a judge is the biggest pageant there is. Think of ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ or ‘12 Angry Men.’ It’s about empowering the people who are going to make a decision to connect the dots. I set up the dots.
If you watched The Wonder Years when you were younger, Winnie Cooper was probably one of your first crushes. If you’re too young to remember that much about this television show, think of Topanga Lawrence from Boy Meets World. If you’re too young to remember that television show, then we’re dating ourselves, but sorry, but we can’t help you. Google it!
It seems that Danica McKellar, the actress who played Winnie Cooper many moons ago, is still a heartbreaker. Yesterday afternoon, she announced to the world that she was engaged to a very handsome Biglaw partner.
We used to think that the Biglaw firm with the best-looking lawyers in New York City was Davis Polk, but then Paul Weiss brought sexy back in the Big Apple. Alas, their title was usurped in less than two years’ time by a challenger from another firm.
This is a clear sign of the impending apocalypse. It’s totally insane and it speaks poorly of where we are. We are so enamored with appearance and attractiveness that we are willing to totally disregard that we’re talking [about] somebody who is a criminal, someone who has a long rap sheet and a history of convictions. His current allegations involve weapons possession by somebody who society has deemed should not possess guns. If the allegations against him are true, he appears to be a very, very bad boy.
The job scene for recent law school graduates is still a little rough around the edges. Just 57 percent of the class of 2013 managed to secure full-time, long-term positions as lawyers within nine months of graduation, and those who found one of those golden tickets are clinging to them for dear life. Biglaw hiring, on the other hand, was up by about 10 percent, and the 3,989 members of the class of 2013 who are now working as associates are as happy as can be.
Enjoying their starting salaries of $160,000, many of these new lawyers are high on life. While some of their colleagues are mass-emailing pictures of their biceps to entire state bars just to get a job, these associates are kicking back in their offices without a care in the world (save for their billable hours).
One new associate felt so secure in his employment that he decided to take up a side gig as an underwear model — using his real name. Seeing as this associate has been working as an interchangeable cog in a large machine, how will his firm feel about his parading around half-naked online?
Making your way in the legal world these days is tough. We’ve seen lawyers who’ve had to turn to stripping, prostitution, and even whoring. It’s just hard to make ends meet when jobs are tight and debt’s creeping up on you.
Which is why this woman may have the right idea. She got all her stripping out of the way before law school so she could pay the bills and now she takes nude glamour shots (or at least semi-nude — she covers herself just enough) for 12 hours a week and lives the high life while still in law school. Pretty sweet deal. Her experience can be an inspiration for Belle Knox’s plan to finance law school with porn stardom.
So let’s take a closer look. And by look, I mean here are some (safe for most workplaces) pictures…
Ed. note: The Asia Chronicles column is authored by Kinney Recruiting. Kinney has made more placements of U.S. associates, counsels and partners in Asia than any other recruiting firm in each of the past seven years. You can reach them by email: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Things have changed recently in Korea – a few of our US and UK client firms are looking, very selectively, for a lateral US associate hire. Until just recently, there was not much hiring like this going on in Korea, since US and UK firms started opening offices there. We have already placed two US associates in Korea in the past month at top firms. Most of the hiring partners we work with in Korea do not actively work with other recruiters.
If you are a Korean fluent US associate in London, New York or another major US market, 2nd to 6th year, at a top 20 firm, with cap markets or M&A focus (or mix), or project finance background, and you are interested in lateraling to Korea to a top US or UK firm, please feel free to reach out to us at email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org. Our head of Asia, Evan Jowers, was just in Korea recently, and Evan and Robert Kinney will be in Korea in a few weeks. We are in the process of helping several firms open new offices in Korea (a number of which are interviewing our partner level candidates) and also helping existing offices there fill openings.
Professor Joel P. Trachtman has developed a unique, practical guide to help lawyers analyze, argue, and write effectively.
The Tools of Argument: How the Best Lawyers Think, Argue, and Win is a highly readable 200-page book, available for about $10 in paperback or e-book. Chapters focus on foundational principles in legal argument: procedure, interpretation of contracts and statutes, use of evidence, and more. The material covered is taught only implicitly in law school. Yet, when up-and-coming attorneys master these straightforward tools, they will think and argue like the best lawyers.
For most attorneys, time spent managing the books is a necessary evil at best. Yet it is undeniably a crucial aspect of running a successful practice. With that in mind, we invite you to view or download a free webinar by Above the Law and our friends at Clio to learn how to better manage your finances.
Take this opportunity to learn what it takes to streamline your accounting and get the most out of your time. The webinar agenda:
● The basics of accounting for lawyers.
● How legal accounting differs from regular accounting.
● Report and reconciliation issues surrounding trust accounts.
● How to pick and integrate the best accounting tools for your practice.
● Steps to prepare your tax return for your firm’s income.
Do not miss this crucial chance to optimize your accounting practices. Save time and get back to billing!