Iowa

Dear God, please allow the IRS to attack my church, so I can take them all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court.

– Iowa pastor Cary K. Gordon, who is campaigning against three Iowa Supreme Court justices who voted for same-sex marriage, even though tax-exempt churches are prohibited from campaigning for or against specific political candidates.

We know how our readers are obsessed with toilets. Over the course of this week, a couple of stories came in about bathroom shenanigans, and we’ll deal with them both here. We’ve got a steamy bathroom (or maybe not, see correction below) and a stinky bathroom from Iowa and UCLA Law, respectively.

First up, Iowa. Land of same-sex marriage and judges getting kicked around because of same-sex marriage. With everybody hot and bothered over gay love in the corn state, you’d think there wasn’t any good, clean, traditional-values sex happening in Iowa. Well the Des Moines Register tells us that Iowa is still safe for heterosexual couples:

A Waterloo lawyer who allegedly had sex with a client in the law library of the Black Hawk County Courthouse faces a possible suspension of his license.

The Iowa Supreme Court’s Attorney Disciplinary Board alleges that Clovis M. Bowles had sexual relations with one of his female clients on several occasions in 2007 and 2008.

Clearly, if we let the “gay agenda” have its way and ruin the traditional definition of marriage, this kind of grotty, bathroom hetrosex will be a thing of the past. And that’ll make Jesus angry…

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When I worked in the U.S. Attorney’s Office, I’d sometimes hear colleagues joke about handing over their Justice Department credentials along with their driver’s license if pulled over for a moving violation. It was a joke because it was generally understood that trying to get out of a speeding ticket by flaunting one’s status as law enforcement was a bad idea (setting aside the ethical issues). The police officer might give you a free pass, or he might get ticked off at your attempt to take advantage of your position. You could end up with a scandal on your hands — the kind of scandal that could derail career ambitions.

This is a lesson that Iowa attorney Lisa Jones-Hall learned the hard way. The Cedar Rapids Gazette reports:

A woman on track to become a Linn County prosecutor lost that chance after police pulled her over in Marion last month for having tinted windows. New dash cam video police released today shows Lisa Jones-Hall called the officer names and tried to use her new job to get out of the ticket. The officer asked Jones-Hall to sign a ticket because he said her windows were illegally tinted. But, she initially refused to sign it, called the officer names and then brought up the job she was supposed to start the following week.

“Ok. I want you to arrest me for having tinted windows. I start with the Linn County Prosecutor’s Office next Tuesday. I want you to arrest me for not signing this,” Jones-Hall told the officer.

After hearing about this incident, the Linn County Prosecutor’s Office decided not to hire Jones-Hall.

Ouch. Jones-Hall should have read our earlier post about how lawyers should handle traffic stops (which also involved the offense of overly tinted windows).

The police video is actually quite mortifying — the article doesn’t do it justice….

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U.S. District Judge Mark W. Bennett won’t get the publicity of Judge Martin Feldman. Obviously, blocking President Obama’s deep-water drilling moratorium — having already disclosed investments in Transocean and Halliburton — is big news.

But Judge Bennett is making waves of his own in his Iowa courtroom. He’s decided that he wants lawyers to participate in an auction to determine who will get to serve as lead counsel in some consolidated antitrust cases.

And he informed lawyers of this with a curious email. The subject line alone is not something one expects from a federal judge:

Waterman v. VS Holding Co. et al (10cv4038) – consolidated antitrust actions – “going once, twice, sold to the lowest bidder” – ready to rumble?

Not only is this judge “ready to rumble,” he’s also ready to insult lawyers from East Coast law firms…

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