Law School Deans

* Bob McCulloch, the prosecutor who handled (mishandled?) the Michael Brown / Darren Wilson case in Ferguson, Missouri, was recently named as “Prosecutor of the Year” by the Missouri Association of Prosecuting Attorneys. This probably wasn’t a good idea. [Slate]

* American Apparel filed for bankruptcy, and rather than Biglaw firms representing the embattled clothier, they’re trying to snatch up fees. Skadden, White & Case, and Paul Hastings are each owed quite the pretty penny. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg]

* Which law school dean was just named as senior counsel at Dentons, the largest law firm in the world? That would be Nicholas Allard of Brooklyn Law School. Perhaps this law dean’s academic cash flow wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be. [Brooklyn Daily Eagle]

* “Unless the industry cleans itself up, we can expect more lawsuits like this in the future.” In an interesting turn of events, the marijuana industry is now seeing its first product liability suit. A protip for growers: No one wants to smoke fungicide. [Los Angeles Times]

* Just when you thought patent trolls couldn’t get any worse, they started to harass members of the fashion industry. Copyright trolls (i.e., Stephen Doniger and Scott Alan Burroughs) are suing over textile prints left and right, and that’s so last season. [Fortune]

* Remember the judge who challenged a public defender to a fistfight in court? He was suspended by the Florida Supreme Court, and has 20 days to explain why he should keep his job. With all due respect, your great right hook isn’t a good enough reason, Your Honor. [Florida Today]

* Screw the historic SCOTUS decision, because this Alabama probate judge really doesn’t want to issue same-sex marriage licenses. In fact, he doesn’t think any judges in the state should have to do so. He wants the federal government to issue them instead. [AL.com]

* In the wake of the latest daily fantasy sports scandal involving DraftKings, FanDuel has hired the kind of legal representation that you’d want on your team for a Hail Mary play. Hut! Hut! Hike! Time to suit up, Debevoise and Kirkland. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg]

* The University of Chicago Law School has a new dean. We’d like to wish a warm welcome to Thomas Miles, a “rookie dean” who likely has enough prestige points under his belt to lead one of the best law schools in the nation with great ease. [Crain’s Chicago Business]

* Today is the 25th Annual National Depression Screening Day, so if you’re a lawyer or a law student who’s feeling anxious or depressed, please feel free to take an anonymous online screening quiz. There are people and programs who can help you. [Am Law Daily]

* Why are so many law grads failing the bar exam? Law profs, a law dean, and a Biglaw recruiting specialist all have answers to this question… and only some of them come close to being satisfactory. [Room for Debate / New York Times]

* Jurors in the Dewey & LeBoeuf trial have deliberated for five days thus far, and seem to be no closer to coming to a verdict than when they first started. They’re quibbling over thesaurus entries for the word “fake” (i.e., “fake income”). [Am Law Daily]

* Thanks to the OnRamp Fellowship, more women lawyers are making a reentry into the legal profession through Biglaw firms than ever before. Participating firms now include Skadden Arps and MoFo, amongst others. Congrats! [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]

* Law school enrollment may be stagnant across the country, but at Colorado Law, it’s booming. The size of the school’s incoming class is 22 percent larger than last year’s was. What can we say other than students were sTOKEd to get in. [Boulder Daily Camera]

* If you’re ever fired from your job, charged with insider trading, and the SEC wants access to your work phone, take heart in the fact that your personal passcode is just that — personal. The SEC can’t treat it as a business record thanks to this ruling. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Richard Cudahy Sr., longtime Seventh Circuit judge, RIP. [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel]

* The outcomes of misconduct complaints against members of the federal judiciary will now be posted online for your viewing pleasure to “provide for greater transparency” — and schadenfreude. This could wind up being entertaining, so keep your eyes peeled. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Apparently there are people out there who don’t know that law schools are in trouble and have been for a while, which is certainly news to us. See how the dean of UNLV School of Law explains the “new normal” to a human interest writer. [Las Vegas Review-Journal]

* The White House just launched a nationwide movement to encourage legal immigrants in America to become U.S. citizens. What a happy coincidence that this campaign will likely add millions of voters to the rolls just in time for Election 2016. [New York Times]

* Per a report from The Real Deal, real estate practices are heating up in Biglaw firms across New York City. Firms like Fried Frank, Skadden, and Proskauer are expanding their real estate groups, so be on the lookout, laterals. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]

* Harvard Law is supposed to be overseeing the rollout of a new Title IX program for the reporting of sexual harassment, but so many of the administrators who were in charge of its implementation have left that its come to a standstill. Oopsie! [Harvard Crimson]

* A former DJ is suing Taylor Swift because he claims that he lost his job after he was falsely accused of grabbing the singer’s ass. When contacted for comment, Swift said, “I’ve got a blank motion to dismiss, baby, and I’ll write your name.” [Associated Press]

* BakerHostetler’s partners unanimously agreed to do away with its two-tiered partnership structure. We would’ve been shocked the firm was going to kick its nonequity partner title to the curb, but we broke the news on it last month. [Am Law Daily]

* Albany Law’s new dean thinks she may have a solution to the school’s enrollment problem, which is down by 38 percent since 2010. She wants to hire more professors, even though the school’s existing professors aren’t exactly pleased. [Albany Business Review]

* California’s legislature approved a landmark bill that will permit physician-assisted suicide for terminally ill patients. If Governor Jerry Brown refuses to sign the “death with dignity” law, supporters will likely bring it to a ballot referendum. [New York Times]

* A Brooklyn bride alleges in a recently filed lawsuit that she’s still waiting for her wedding pictures… more than two years after her wedding took place. She’s clearly not a bridezilla, because if she were, a lawsuit wouldn’t have even been necessary. [New York Post]

* “We saw the light at the end of the tunnel, and she just blew that tunnel up.” Massachusetts teen Michelle Carter was charged with involuntary manslaughter in the death of her boyfriend after she texted him numerous times, encouraging him to kill himself. If you haven’t seen them, her messages are chilling. [Associated Press]

* “If you are a lawyer thinking about having sex with your client, you better think first.” Go ahead, argue that your client’s 30-day suspension from practice was “just” because the woman kept coming back for more. Maybe your judge won’t be as sarcastic. [Knoxville News Sentinel]

* If you’re starting law school, you probably haven’t heard about the biggest law firm bankruptcy in history, and you likely don’t know what the Dewey & LeBoeuf criminal trial is about. Here’s a listicle of reasons to doubt the prosecution’s case. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Biglaw firms are rethinking their office space at the same time as they’re building up their posh amenities. At the end of the day, associates may be forced to move to cubicles, but it’s all for the clients’ benefit, so hooray for them. *golf claps* [Commercial Observer]

* Our congratulations go out to Alicia Ouellette, Albany Law School’s newest president and dean. We’re certainly hopeful that she’ll be able to handle the tenuous employment situation with the school’s tenured faculty better than her predecessor did. [Times Union]

* Baker & McKenzie was dethroned by DLA Piper as the the Biglaw king of gross revenue. The firm is blaming its poor performance — a 4.3 percent drop — on “currency fluctuations.” Better luck on snatching back glory next year. [Am Law Daily; Big Law Business / Bloomberg]

* It’s hard out here for a pimp with an allegedly small peen: Terrence Howard’s divorce settlement was overturned by a judge after evidence was brought forward to suggest the actor was coerced into signing it. Apparently his ex was blackmailing him over the size of his manhood. [ABC News]

* There’s a new sheriff judge in town, and he’s cleaning up the Ferguson, Missouri, courts. His first order of business was to wipe out all arrest warrants issued before December 31, 2014, in the wake of the Michael Brown police shooting last August. [Reuters]

* Dean Philip Weiser of Colorado Law has announced that he’ll be stepping down from his position in July 2016. He’ll be remembered for keeping costs low and putting asses in seats during a time when it was difficult to do both concurrently. [Denver Business Journal]

* “On one level I give them kudos for playing hide the ball.” Gibson Dunn is fighting a subpoena issued by defense attorneys for computer metadata related to its Bridgegate report that cleared New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie of all wrongdoing. [Bergen Record]

* It looks like the other slutty shoe has officially dropped. Two law firms have filed a $578 million class-action lawsuit against adultery dating site Ashley Madison for breaching their clients’ privacy rights. Impact Team must be thrilled. [TIME]

* Gov. Chris Christie says that if he’s elected president, he won’t nominate anyone with a Harvard Law or Yale Law degree to SCOTUS. Non-Ivy law schools better start priming and primping their most successful grads on the off chance Christie gets the nod. [CBS News]

* Case Western Law decided that two heads are better than one, because Jessica Berg and Michael Scharf were just permanently appointed to serve as co-deans. We can’t think of any other law school with a dynamic duo of deans like this. [Crain’s Cleveland Business]

* In Biglaw, romantic wranglings can follow you beyond the grave: Thomas Hale Boggs Jr.’s estate is doing battle with a woman who claims she had a relationship with the former head of Patton Boggs — and now she wants some of his property. [National Law Journal]

* He may be “used to playing on a different court,” but Michael Jordan really took it to the hole on this case. Defunct grocery store Dominick’s Finer Foods must now pay the sports star $8.9 million for using his name in a steak ad without his permission. [NBC News]

* Aww man, nothing’s going right for this firm: After facing mass defections that forced it to move to a smaller office, struggling law firm Gordon Silver is locked in a legal battle with its former landlord to the tune of $786,000 in rent that allegedly went unpaid. [VEGAS INC.]

* Ted Cruz isn’t the only person Ted Olson has a bone to pick with. Justice Scalia thinks the Obergefell decision is a “threat to American democracy,” but Olson disagrees: “[W]ith respect to Justice Scalia, who I do have great respect for, he is wrong.” [National Law Journal]

* Brooklyn Law School is selling off buildings left and right, and one of its prime pieces of real estate could sell for up to $30 million. According to Dean Nick Allard, its sale will serve as a “better advantage for the future of the law school.” [New York Daily News]

* Lawyers, make sure to draft your documents carefully, or else you could wind up getting screwed by an errant comma (or the lack thereof). An Ohio woman got out of a summons because she pointed out a missing comma in a local ordinance. [Lexicon Valley / Slate]

* From the sound of it, not all Uber drivers want to become Uber employees; some of them are perfectly content to be classified as independent contractors. That’s probably going to screw up that whole typicality requirement for this would-be class-action suit. [Forbes]

* Vikram Amar, the incoming dean of the University of Illinois College of Law, says that he demanded a pay cut before taking the job to help make legal education more affordable for students. The piddling amount of money he’ll be sacrificing will absolutely infuriate you. [WSJ Law Blog]

* When law firms break up and partners attack, it can sometimes be pretty entertaining (and a little sad, all at the same time). In this case, former partners have accused each other of being mentally unstable and going online shopping for hours instead of practicing law. [Daily Business Review]

* In case you don’t remember the law school lawsuits about deceptive employment stats, some of them are still alive and kicking. One of the last surviving suits against Widener Law was recently denied class certification. [New Jersey Law Journal via ABA Journal]

* Per Altman Weil MergerLine, 2015 is on pace to be a record year for law firm mergers. Statements like this have been made since the recession, but this time, it’s the highest number of mergers recorded in the company’s history. [Crain’s Cleveland Business]

* According to the latest data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the legal sector lost 800 jobs in June. That’s not exactly a comforting thought for those of you who are studying for the bar exam and don’t have a job lined up yet. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]

* Everyone’s a winner at Nixon Peabody, especially the millennials! The firm is doing away with the corner-office model in favor of office space reminiscent of that of tech companies, where everyone’s offices — from paralegals to partners — are the same size. [Washington Post]

* A former North Dakota Law student is suing the school, as well as several administrators and professors, because he alleges they dismissed him via email in May due to problems with his application. Man, that’s almost as harsh as a break-up text. [WDAZ]

* Justice Kennedy knows a lot of people who are gay, but that doesn’t mean he’ll recognize a constitutional right to same-sex marriage just because of his circle of friends and colleagues. He’ll likely do it because he knows “how meaningful this is.” [New York Times]

* The Supreme Court is currently considering an emergency appeal out of Texas after the Fifth Circuit refused to stay a decision that would all but close the vast majority of abortion facilities in the state. Give this law the good old coat hanger, SCOTUS. [Associated Press]

* Last week, Justice Kennedy basically invited litigants to challenge the constitutionality of solitary confinement because it “exacts a terrible price.” Step right up and become one of the first to test the power of the SCOTUS swing vote on this issue. [Los Angeles Times]

* “Having a woman leader is no longer exceptional.” The number of women law school deans is on the rise. They make up 40 percent of incoming law school leadership, and currently comprise 30 percent of all law deans. Nice work! [National Law Journal]

* After pleading guilty to a felony count of vehicular manslaughter back in March, California lawyer Hasti Fakhrai-Bayrooti was recently sentenced to four years in prison for killing a cyclist while driving high on prescription drugs Xanax and Suboxone. [Daily Mail]

* With student loan forgiveness earning public approval, the other shoe had to drop. Critics campaigning that any escape is “welfare.” If you were grasping for the proper pejorative it’s “Homecoming Queen.” [Concurring Opinions]

* Hot mic alert! Lawyer broadcasts during recess that prosecutor is “in my pocket.” Only to the extent the prosecutor is now up your ass. [ABA Journal]

* Maybe there’s hope for sentencing reform: 130 former judges, prosecutors and law enforcement officials sign a letter advocating for the Smarter Sentencing Act of 2015. The key is “former.” I’ll bet while they were running for office harsh sentencing was a-OK. [Sentencing Law and Policy]

* Using the show Serial to teach good brief writing. [Legal Writing Pro]

* Had you considered the marriage equality dimensions of Kerry v. Din? Me neither. But Professor Dorf did. [Verdict]

* Law schools are increasingly hiring deans from within. Just another way of keeping Elie out of that dean’s job he wants so badly. [The Faculty Lounge]

* What to do when hiring a contract attorney? Hm. Look for fear and desperation? Oh… oh, you’re being serious about ethics and stuff. [Daily Report]

* The best description of the conservative argument in King: “the card says ‘Moops.'” [Lawyers, Guns & Money]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ia02fGpUQfU