Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan

* Obama has created an indefinite detention system for prisoners held at Guantanamo Bay. Because he’s too soft on terrorism to make it definite. [Washington Post]

* Utah’s new immigration laws will create a legal storm. El Niño! Spanish for The… Niño! [USA Today]

* Lilo finally starred in another movie, and former wet poodle perm enthusiast Marcia Clark is here to break it down for you. [Entertainment Tonight News]

* Hiring partners have entered the U.S. News rankings fray. Number 1? Yep, Cooley. [U.S. News & World Report]

Charlie Sheen

* Some New Yorkers are suing over a bike lane in Brooklyn. Four wheels good, two wheels bad! [New York Times]

* “Pow! Appeals court upholds comic con’s guilty plea.” [New York Post]

* Charlie Sheen’s attorney isn’t wasting any time fighting Tiger Blood’s dismissal from that show he starred in with Duckie and the lumpy kid. [Hollywood Reporter; New York City Employment Lawyer]

* Yesterday, the Supreme Court agreed to decide whether Congress may take works out of the public domain and slap a copyright on them. I’m never going to fill this Zune up if I can’t score some free Stravinsky. [Wired News]

Julian Assange

* A British court ruled that Julian Assange should be extradited to Sweden. [Reuters]

* Governor Neil Abercrombie of Hawaii signed into law a bill legalizing same-sex civil unions. Men, barbecue, I like you, I like you too dawg, let’s get… civil unioned? [Honolulu Star-Advertiser]

* Seems like Betty Boop was passed around like a two-bit whore. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Lindsay! Lindsay Lohan! Who are you wearing? [Entertainment Weekly]

Lindsay Lohan

* More than 100 law professors are lobbying Congress to apply an ethics code to the Supreme Court. In related news, Clarence Thomas continues to troll the f**k out of a bunch of law professors. [ABA Journal]

* Arizona might have a host of new anti-immigration laws. The state hasn’t been this welcoming since The Brothers Brothers were working for their tourism commission. [New York Times]

* “Teachers accused of steamy lesbian romp fire back at city with $2M suit.” [New York Post]

* If the Muslim Brotherhood gains power in Egypt, they will impose sharia law. Just like Oklahoma! [ABC Online]

* Lindsay Lohan took to Twitter to announce that she “was not raised to lie, cheat, or steal.” Well, nature it is. [msnbc.com]

* Arizona is suing the federal government over the porous border. Mr. Obama, build us a wall! [Reuters]

* Barry Bonds, he of the enormous dome piece, had the number of felony charges against him dropped to five. Hauling that gargantuan cranium about. I’m not kidding, that boy’s head is like Sputnik. [ESPN]

* Mario will mediate the Madoff / Mets mess. [New York Post]

* How to fix the criminal justice system? I say gulags. Mostly because I like the word gulags. [The BLT via WSJ Law Blog]

* Hospitals have begun turning away job applicants who smoke. This guy thinks hospitals are acting like a bunch of weiners. [New York Times]

Lindsay Lohan

* The House failed to extend key provisions of the Patriot Act yesterday. Terrorists are unable to create jobs in such an uncertain regulatory environment. [Washington Post]

* A conservative legal group, the Pacific Legal Foundation, is fighting the application of Title IX to high schools. At issue is whether throwing like a girl is something to be celebrated. [New York Times]

* Two former employees of SAC Capital are hit with insider trading charges. [Dealbreaker]

* Lindsay Lohan will be arraigned today for allegedly ganking a necklace. Your assignment is to finish this blurb, preferably with a pearl necklace reference. [Los Angeles Times]

Mark Sanchez

* Technology and global competition threaten to change the legal profession for the worse. In the future, all lawyers will be South Korean robots able to review documents, file motions, deliver closing arguments, and hit on my mom. Wait, sorry. That was actually from my dream journal. I have really vivid nightmares. [New York Law Journal]

* There was a panel discussion at NYU Law yesterday on whether federal courts are biased towards business interests. I like money. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Deadspin dropped the hammer on Dirty Sanchez yesterday. Nothing too shocking, you know? [Deadspin]

If you’re like most people who have an important drug test coming up — say, for a new law firm job or for probation (kind of the same thing) — you probably prepare by doing things such as guzzling water, sucking pennies, or ladling your roommate’s urine into a pocket flask.

A somewhat less effective way to prepare involves going on a cocaine and amphetamine binge hours before your drug test and hoping for the best. But that didn’t stop Lindsay Lohan from trying last week:

Lindsay Lohan’s probation has been revoked and a bench warrant issued for her arrest…. Although the bench warrant was issued, it’s being held — i.e., on hold — until Friday at 8:30 AM, when Lindsay is ordered to appear in court.

The move by Judge Elden Fox comes after Lindsay failed two drug tests recently … one showed the presence of cocaine and another showed amphetamines.

Under the terms of her probation, Lindsay could get 60 days for her latest misstep, and the bench warrant comes just weeks after Lindsay completed a 14-day jail stint and 23 days in UCLA’s in-patient celebrity-enabling sanctuary rehab for another parole violation.

As an occasional taxpayer (albeit in a different state), I’m annoyed California has to waste precious time and resources monitoring and jailing Lindsay, when they could be doing something useful, like banning Jay Leno. As a lawyer, I’m itching to blame someone or something(s) for her downward spiral, and I have found the proximate clause: her boobs.

Let’s take a closer look…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Fame Brief: Lindsay Lohan and Breast Implants, the Gateway Drug”

Lindsay Lohan

Ed. note: This post was compiled by one of our seven Morning Docket finalists. The finalists will be handling MD all week. As always, we welcome your thoughts in the comments.

* I’ll take the rapist for 200, Alex. The attorney for two women who accused the WikiLeaks Grand Poobah of sex crimes denies any involvement by the Pentagon or the CIA. [CNN]

* Stem cell judge has a history of ticking off presidents and playing cards with Scalia. [Washington Post]

* Civil Libertarians upset over “pay to play” high school sports in California. Libertarians fire back that there is no such thing as a free school lunch. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Lindsay Lohan was released from UCLA Medical Center yesterday. No word yet on which lucky UCLA law student got to chauffeur her home. [New York Post]

* The Brits aren’t sick of eggs. Hopefully you guys aren’t sick of egg stories. [New York Times]

* Tyler Perry’s Lawyers Prevail in Plagiarism Lawsuit. I smell a movie title. [Am Law Daily]

* Will the Justice Department weigh in with an amicus brief in the Proposition 8 case? Unclear. Is Perry v. Schwarzenegger the coolest case name ever? Yes. [National Law Journal]

Elizabeth Warren

* Law professors Kal Raustiala and Christopher Sprigman argue against extending copyright protection to fashion designs. [New York Times]

* DLA Piper suffers a reversal of fortune — and a reversal of a fortune, to the tune of $22 million. [Am Law Daily]

* The Alabama Attorney General, Troy King, has sued BP — over the objections of Governor Bob Riley. [Mobile Press-Register via ABA Journal]

* Is Harvard Law professor Elizabeth Warren, a top candidate to lead the new Bureau of Consumer Financial Protection, a “supremely smart crusader for middle-class families, or “a fiery zealot disguised in professorial glasses and pastel cardigans”? [Washington Post]

* Lindsay Lohan may be getting out of court-ordered rehab early — and heading for New York. [ABC News; Los Angeles Times]

* Oracle files a lawsuit claiming that Google is being evil, by violating patents and copyrights. [Gizmodo]

* David Johnson, the aide to New York Governor David Paterson whose domestic violence case the governor got involved in, is charged with misdemeanor assault and five other offenses. [New York Times]

* Is everyone a winner against Nixon Peabody? A former NP associate suing the firm over his bonus certainly hopes so. [Am Law Daily]

* Will wedding bells be ringing soon in California? Judge Vaughn Walker will rule today on extending the Prop 8 stay. [Associated Press]

* A 32-year-old Canadian lawyer was awarded $6 million after a law firm colleague knocked her down on the dance floor. [The Post]

* The Seventh Circuit testifies again in New York. [New York Times]

* Venture capitalists feeling more adventurous. [National Law Journal]

* Blago jury may be hung. [Chicago Tribune]

* LiLo judge recuses herself. [Los Angeles Times]

* The search for Geronimo’s bones will not be aided by the courts. [Yale Daily News]

* Justin Peacock, a lawyer-turned-novelist whom we’ve profiled, has a Harvard lawyer starring in his latest book. [Bloomberg]

* Hug a lawyer. Get charged with assault and battery. [Boston Herald]

* Judge Susan Bolton, who took the teeth out of the Arizona immigration law, has been getting lots of hate mail, including death threats. But loyal readers of Above the Law know it’s not the first time for her. [Chicago Sun-Times]

* The ball is in Blake Strode’s court: pro tennis or Harvard Law School? [St. Louis Today]

* From the frying pan into the fire? Lindsay Lohan is out of jail and into rehab. [Los Angeles Times]

* Crackberry users in the U.A.E. are going to need rehab soon, too. [New York Times]

* Patent lawyer Donald Stout doesn’t care what you say about his house. [Financial Post]

* Chelsea Clinton is off the market. [Washington Post]

* You have the right to wonder what will become of the Miranda warning. [Associated Press]

* Teen arrested for the fatal shooting of a University of Pittsburgh law student. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette; KDKA]

* Last month, we asked if cheerleading is a sport. A judge has answered, “no.” [CT Post]

* Two words that should never be in the same sentence: “botched” and “circumcision.” [Bad Lawyer]

* Now that the FCC has been stopped in its anti-speech tracks, can the rest of television become as good as HBO? Because if I have to see one more promo for Rizzoli & Isles I’m going to have to burn my Abbie Carmichael blow-up doll. [Infamy or Praise]

* Here’s some deposition advice. Learning practical lawyering skills will be good for people who can no longer count on a few years of brainless doc. review while they get their feet wet. [What About Clients?]

* Try becoming a “shadow elite.” It’s like a ninja only much less cool. [Law and More]

* Is anybody else sick of real Lindsay Lohan news? Don’t worry. Today we bring you fake Lindsay Lohan news. [Laws for Attorneys]

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