* Jared Fogle, Subway’s former spokesman, pleaded guilty to federal charges related to sex with minors and child pornography, and was sentenced to more than 15 years in prison. His creative defense? Losing weight on the Subway diet made him choose to erm… “eat fresh.” Yuck. [Washington Post]
* Biglaw firms have been announcing their new partnership classes over the past few weeks, and it goes without saying that the vast majority of new partners attended highly ranked law schools. Take a wild guess at which school was the most represented. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]
* Per the latest report from the NALP, women and African-Americans continue to falter in their career progress at Biglaw firms. James Leipold says it’s “troubling” that the numbers are “reversing course.” We couldn’t agree more. [DealBook / New York Times]
* UnitedHealth recently announced that it expects to suffer in terms of its insurance sales under the Affordable Care Act, and has gone so far as to threaten that it may pull out of the exchange. Here are five things you need to know about that. [WSJ Law Blog]
* One of the members of Survivor filed a copyright infringement suit against Mike Huckabee’s presidential campaign after the song “Eye of the Tiger” was played during a rally held for Kentucky clerk Kim Davis. Now it’s stuck in your head. Welcome! [Reuters]
Let’s get drunk again and talk politics and Spinal Tap.
* The Juice is not loose. The Nevada Supreme Court rejected O.J. Simpson’s latest appeal. [CBS News]
* Governor Huckabee explains that Dred Scott is still the law of the land. To recap, Donald Trump thinks he can unilaterally overturn the 14th Amendment while Huckabee just thinks it never happened. Elie will have to explain this whole thing to his old friend when Huckabee gets his show back. [The Hill]
* Jesus wept. Then celebrated his Ninth Circuit victory. [Lowering the Bar]
* Sanctions for foul-mouthed judge. I wonder what she said when she heard that? [Daily Business Review]
* Wanton endangerment charge for a law student who crashed a drone into Kentucky’s football stadium. Take solace kid: you’re not the most embarrassing legal news item out of Kentucky this month. Thanks Kim Davis. [WLKY]
* David explains that more “shakeout” is coming for Biglaw. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]
You didn’t want to watch tonight’s festivities sober, did you?
* Prospective presidential candidate and perennial president of the Elie Mystal Fan Club Mike Huckabee is proposing term limits for Supreme Court justices. Funny how this became a conservative cause célèbre as soon as the polls suggest they’re looking at 16 years of Democratic presidents. [L.A. Times]
* Texas firm Cox Smith is merging with Detroit’s Dykema to create Dykema Cox Smith. This should rocket the new firm up the Am Law Top 200, but obviously we’re more excited about the new name. Heh heh. [My San Antonio]
* Law360 named their top attorneys under 40. I assume all the ATL editors are on the list. I’d check myself, but Law360 is behind a paywall. [Law360 (sub. req.)]
* Dewey still have partner refugees from a certain law firm’s collapse? [Bloomberg BNA / Big Law Business]
* Duane Morris loses its corporate chair. Bad news piling up. [New York Law Journal]
* Here’s the cute way to announce new licensing terms. [Shutterstock]
When producers for the Mike Huckabee show on Fox called, Elie thought they were interested in his thoughts about what the Occupy Wall Street crowd was doing wrong. But no, they had a real live Tea Party organizer to handle that side of the argument. Instead, the producers wanted him to defend the OWS protesters. How did he do?