Mike Sorrentino

* What do Trump “fixer” Michael Cohen, Fyre Festival founder Billy McFarland, and Jersey Shore star Mike Sorrentino all have in common? They may soon be inmates together at FCI Otisville, one of America’s “cushiest” prisons. Oooh, looks like we’ve got a situation! [INSIDER]

* “New York State’s campaign finance system is generally a scandal, and this is another example of it.” Disgraced former New York AG Eric Schneiderman used campaign funds to pay the law firm that represented him during an investigation into allegations of his physical abusiveness, and people are pissed. [Associated Press]

* Remember that meeting Ginni Thomas had with President Trump where she expressed her displeasure with transgender military service? Rest assured that Justice Clarence Thomas likely won’t be recusing over it anytime soon. [Bloomberg Law]

* A meaningful mouthful: The ABA passed a resolution asking that legal employers stop requiring mandatory arbitration for discrimination, harassment, or retaliation complaints “based upon race, sex, religion, national origin, ethnicity, disability, age, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, marital status, genetic information, or status as a victim of domestic or sexual violence.” [ABA Journal]

* Confused about your legal bills? You’re not the only one. That’s why the Standards Advancement for the Legal Industry Alliance is trying to introduce its “matter category standard” billing codes to simplify things for everyone. [American Lawyer]

Ed. note: In honor of Columbus Day (and Canadian Thanksgiving), Above the Law will be on a reduced publication schedule. We’ll be back in full force tomorrow.

* In case you somehow missed it, Brett Kavanaugh, who is “totally brilliant” per President Trump, was confirmed to the Supreme Court in one of the closest votes in American history (50 to 48). He was sworn in shortly thereafter by Chief Justice John Roberts and the recently retired Justice Anthony M. Kennedy. [New York Times]

* It’s certainly worth mentioning that Chief Justice Roberts received judicial misconduct complaints from the D.C. Circuit about Kavanaugh’s hearing testimony, but he decided to not to do anything about them. Now, people are accusing Roberts of being involved in some sort of a Kavanuagh cover-up. [Washington Post]

* As Kavanaugh mentioned during his confirmation hearing, he’ll be the first Supreme Court justice to have four women law clerks. Counting his clerks, women will make up a majority of the Supreme Court’s clerks for the first time in history. Nice work, Justice Brett. At least he’s good for something. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ [National Law Journal]

* “The women are against her.” How did Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg become the feminist pop culture icon that we know and love today when she was almost bypassed for her SCOTUS nomination because women didn’t trust her? [New Yorker]

* We’ve got a situation! Jersey Shore cast member Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino will be heading to federal prison for eight months on tax evasion charges. Expect his co-stars to starting referring to him as “The Incarceration.” [Courthouse News]

* Per the First Circuit, plaintiffs who successfully challenge the Defense of Marriage Act in court aren’t entitled to attorneys’ fees. The Department of Justice had no comment. [National Law Journal]

* Florida Coastal Law finished second-to-last in bar passage for the July 2014 exam, with 58% of grads passing. It was one of Florida Coastal’s worst performances to date. [Florida Times-Union]

* ASU Law got a $10M donation, its largest ever. “The remarkable thing about it is we didn’t ask him for it,” says the dean, which is a slightly better response than Drexel’s dean had. [The Republic]

* Much to his defense team’s chagrin, accused Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s trial will remain in Boston. The media spectacle is set to begin in January 2015. [New York Times]

* Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino of Jersey Shore fame was indicted on tax fraud charges to the tune of $8.9M. He pleaded not guilty yesterday afternoon. There aren’t tanning beds in jail. 🙁 [Asbury Park Press]