Minnesota

Honestly, 'convert or be eaten' wouldn't have been a hard choice for me.

There are some debtors who go to such lengths to escape their obligations that you have to wonder what kind of person lent them money in the first place.

Today we’ve got an expedited motion to vacate. It’s filed by an attorney, representing the debtor, who seems mad — both mad as in “angry,” and “mad” as in “bats**t crazy pants.” She’s mad at the lender, and she’s mad at the judge.

But mostly, she’s mad at Catholics. Dirty, dirty Catholics….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Deadbeat Debtor Warns of Great Catholic Conspiracy”

At some point law students have to take responsibility for their own choices in professional schools.

Yes, we know that schools purposely mislead prospective law students about the glories of going to law school. And we know that the American Bar Association won’t hold law schools accountable. And we know that the economy is tough and going to school, any school, can seem like a good place to hide for three years.

But there really is enough information floating around on the internet warning potential law students about what they are getting into. If law students choose to disregard that information and instead rely on the fantastical promises of some unranked regional law school, they really have nobody but themselves to blame. You can marry the reformed prostitute, but you can’t be surprised when you find out she’s had sex with half of your buddies.

So, while normally I’d feel sorry for this kid who wrote a “Dear John” letter breaking up with his law school, I also what to grab this guy by the throat and scream, “What did you think was going to happen?”

At this point in time, if you believe what American legal education is trying to sell you, it’s your own damn fault….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Law Student Breaks Up With His Law School”

I was never a huge fan of firm mentoring programs. In the days after firms started cracking down on using mentoring funds for hookers and blow, mentoring became distinctly less exciting. For the male associates, it seemed to revolve around mass quantities of red meat and booze. For the female associates, it was a lot of talk about “feelings,” and “glass ceilings,” and figuring out how to get a manicure on the firm’s dime. And while pretty nails are always nice, it was just one more billable hour that I’d have to make up at night.

But perhaps creative mentoring isn’t dead after all. It seems as though the Minnesota Hispanic Bar Association might be trying to bring some fun back to its mentorship program. The MHBA recently distributed fliers on the University of Minnesota Law School campus that bear images of some pretty questionable-looking foliage.

Was this just an innocent mistake, or are Minnesota Law students being offered a chance to expand their horizons in more ways than one? You be the judge, after the jump….

UPDATE (6:30 PM): We’ve added statements from a board member of the MHBA and from the president of the Latino Law Student Association at the University of Minnesota, also after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Minnesota Takes the High Road to Mentoring”

Ah, the good old “how many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb” joke. It’s pretty stupid, but all of its variants never seem to get old.

For example, here are a few from James Fuqua’s Law Jokes:

Q: How many lawyers does it take to [change] a light bulb?

A1: How many can you afford?

A5: Three. One to change it and two to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting “Objection!”

A8: You won’t find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you’re looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb…

Well, thanks to a mid-size firm in Minnesota, we now know that it takes exactly five lawyers to change a light bulb….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “How Many Lawyers Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?”

Eminem is the Jackie Robinson of rap, not some white guy trying to 'steal' black culture.

During my youth, most of the black people I knew called me an “Oreo.” Not because I liked the cookies. Apparently, I was black on the outside (obviously), but “white on the inside.” It took me a while to figure out why, since politically I don’t think I’ve ever shared a majoritarian view of things. But it turns out that simply by “speaking well,” getting good grades, and insisting on keeping my pants high enough to fully cover my ass, I was “acting white” to certain black kids. The fact that I dance for s**t, can’t hit a jump shot to save my life, and have two parents who spent more time in college than prison surely didn’t help my “street cred.”

Of course, age has taught me that I grew up around a lot of low-expectation-having black kids. Black people with self respect wouldn’t consider childhood-Elie an Oreo. A big freaking dork who should never be invited to a party, perhaps, but not an Oreo.

Now, most black people have had similar upbringings to my own (though, sadly, I’m still the most rhythmically challenged black person I know). Nowadays, my black friends say things like, “Elie, you are the only black person I know who could write a post about the Wire and see yourself as the only white guy on the show.” See, that’s not racist. That’s just funny. That black friend (oh, F-U [Redacted], by the way) wasn’t suggesting that I was an Oreo because of how I acted; he was suggesting it because of who I identified with. That’s fair game.

I bring all of this up because that crucial distinction was totally lost on a Minnesota high school. The school allowed “Wigger Day” to happen on campus, and now it is getting sued.

Yeah, apparently turning a blind eye while your students make fun of an entire culture is something that can get you sued….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Lawsuit of the Day: Wigger Day Is So Not Cool”

We’ve all had obnoxious neighbors. The stoners who play music too loud, the dysfunctional lovers who are always yelling at each other… it’s part of life.

Most of us, though, have not lived next door to our own personal cyber-terrorist. Minnesota attorney Matthew Kostolnik has.

His neighbor “launched a calculated campaign to terrorize his neighbors, doing whatever he could to destroy the careers and professional reputations of Matt and Bethany Kostolnik, to damage the Kostolniks’ marriage, and to generally wreak havoc on their lives.”

On Tuesday, the man who published child pornography and sent a death threat to Joe Biden, all under Kostolnik’s name, was sentenced to 18 years in prison. Keep reading to learn more about the worst neighbor since the door-kicking judge….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “This Lawyer Had the Worst Neighbor Ever”

The first day of the bar exam is about 13 days away. THIRTEEN DAYS. The number thirteen is just evil (especially for those with triskaidekaphobia), but pairing that number with the term “bar exam” makes it that much worse. You’re probably on edge. Your Facebook statuses are bordering on homicidal. You’re so pissed off at the pen-clicking guy in the library that you’re contemplating slicing his throat with the worst notecard paper-cut ever.

I know that we’re not supposed to panic, but some people are panicking, and rightly so. The powers that be at the University of Minnesota Law School are not making it pleasant for recent graduates to study for the bar exam at the school’s law library. Apparently, there’s a lot of banging going on between the stacks, and not of the variety you’d brag to your friends about….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “You Know What Makes Studying for the Bar Exam Easier? LOUD BANGING IN THE LIBRARY.”

Do you know an easy way for moderately priced public law schools to make even more money? Charge more for tuition. Do you know an easy justification for jacking up tuition rates? Say that you are moving to a “private funding model” while you bemoan the lack of public support for your institution.

After that, it’s all profit baby!

The big news in the law school hot stove league is that another major public law school is toying with moving to a private funding model. The logic for eschewing public funds for an increase in private dollars is, as always, disingenuous. But hey, as long as the law school keeps paying its tithe to the university, few will object to increased gouging of prospective law students…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Private Funding of Public Law Schools = Bad News For Future Law Students”

The excessively talented David M. Anderson.

We all know that the legal market is dismal these days. People will go to almost any lengths to land jobs. A perfect résumé touting your strongest attributes is key. Most lawyers implicitly understand that this means legal attributes – you know, things that portray a sense of professional competence. But every now and then we come across a special someone who throws conventional wisdom out the window and provides us with a perfect example of what not to do.

Today’s special someone is David M. Anderson of Mahoney Anderson LLC in Eden Prairie, Minnesota. A perusal of the Mahoney Anderson website raises several questions – not the least of which are who the Mahoney in Mahoney Anderson is, where Mr. Anderson went to law school, and what Mr. Anderson might have done in his legal career prior to working for his current mysteriously-named firm.

Thankfully, we have David Anderson’s marketing ad (gavel bang: An Associate’s Mind). It is a gem. It might not answer any of these questions, or, quite frankly, tell you anything that might make you want to hire Mr. Anderson. But it is certainly the worst most unique approach to attorney advertising I have seen in quite some time….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Can’t Get Hired? Tell Them Who You’ve Dated!”

Which would you rather wield: a gavel or a Glock?

Who says you have to choose? Not Judge Shaun Floerke, of Minnesota’s Sixth Judicial District, who used a .45-caliber Glock from his safe to protect his wife and five children from a home invader on New Year’s Day….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Judge of the Day: Minnesota Jurist Grabs Glock, Subdues Intruder”

Page 3 of 41234