Minnesota

This Lawyer Had the Worst Neighbor Ever

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We’ve all had obnoxious neighbors. The stoners who play music too loud, the dysfunctional lovers who are always yelling at each other… it’s part of life.

Most of us, though, have not lived next door to our own personal cyber-terrorist. Minnesota attorney Matthew Kostolnik has.

His neighbor “launched a calculated campaign to terrorize his neighbors, doing whatever he could to destroy the careers and professional reputations of Matt and Bethany Kostolnik, to damage the Kostolniks’ marriage, and to generally wreak havoc on their lives.”

On Tuesday, the man who published child pornography and sent a death threat to Joe Biden, all under Kostolnik’s name, was sentenced to 18 years in prison. Keep reading to learn more about the worst neighbor since the door-kicking judge….

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You Know What Makes Studying for the Bar Exam Easier? LOUD BANGING IN THE LIBRARY.

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The first day of the bar exam is about 13 days away. THIRTEEN DAYS. The number thirteen is just evil (especially for those with triskaidekaphobia), but pairing that number with the term “bar exam” makes it that much worse. You’re probably on edge. Your Facebook statuses are bordering on homicidal. You’re so pissed off at the pen-clicking guy in the library that you’re contemplating slicing his throat with the worst notecard paper-cut ever.

I know that we’re not supposed to panic, but some people are panicking, and rightly so. The powers that be at the University of Minnesota Law School are not making it pleasant for recent graduates to study for the bar exam at the school’s law library. Apparently, there’s a lot of banging going on between the stacks, and not of the variety you’d brag to your friends about….

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Private Funding of Public Law Schools = Bad News For Future Law Students

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Do you know an easy way for moderately priced public law schools to make even more money? Charge more for tuition. Do you know an easy justification for jacking up tuition rates? Say that you are moving to a “private funding model” while you bemoan the lack of public support for your institution.

After that, it’s all profit baby!

The big news in the law school hot stove league is that another major public law school is toying with moving to a private funding model. The logic for eschewing public funds for an increase in private dollars is, as always, disingenuous. But hey, as long as the law school keeps paying its tithe to the university, few will object to increased gouging of prospective law students…

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Can’t Get Hired? Tell Them Who You’ve Dated!

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The excessively talented David M. Anderson.

We all know that the legal market is dismal these days. People will go to almost any lengths to land jobs. A perfect résumé touting your strongest attributes is key. Most lawyers implicitly understand that this means legal attributes – you know, things that portray a sense of professional competence. But every now and then we come across a special someone who throws conventional wisdom out the window and provides us with a perfect example of what not to do.

Today’s special someone is David M. Anderson of Mahoney Anderson LLC in Eden Prairie, Minnesota. A perusal of the Mahoney Anderson website raises several questions – not the least of which are who the Mahoney in Mahoney Anderson is, where Mr. Anderson went to law school, and what Mr. Anderson might have done in his legal career prior to working for his current mysteriously-named firm.

Thankfully, we have David Anderson’s marketing ad (gavel bang: An Associate’s Mind). It is a gem. It might not answer any of these questions, or, quite frankly, tell you anything that might make you want to hire Mr. Anderson. But it is certainly the worst most unique approach to attorney advertising I have seen in quite some time….

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Judge of the Day: Minnesota Jurist Grabs Glock, Subdues Intruder

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Which would you rather wield: a gavel or a Glock?

Who says you have to choose? Not Judge Shaun Floerke, of Minnesota’s Sixth Judicial District, who used a .45-caliber Glock from his safe to protect his wife and five children from a home invader on New Year’s Day….

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New Low for Law Firm Behavior During the Recession

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A number of people sent us this article from the Minneapolis Star-Tribune. At first it reads like your classic “boy, this recession seems to be affecting lawyers too,” mainstream media story. Most of the stuff here are things regular Above the Law readers are fully aware of, though it’s always interesting to hear how the secondary markets like Minneapolis-St. Paul are doing.

But about halfway through the piece, the paper reveals one of the most callous stories that we’ve heard during this entire recession:

Matt Nelson graduated last week from the University of Minnesota with a law degree and an MBA. Nelson, 36, was on track to earn $145,000 his first year at a Milwaukee firm. But duty called, and while he was serving as an Army paralegal in Iraq, Milwaukee withdrew its offer.

Are you kidding me? The firm pulled an offer from somebody who was serving his country in Iraq!? What kind of bleeping bleep firm bleeps over our bleeping troops when they’re in the middle of a bleeping war, trying to make it safe for these bleeping partners to bleep their secretaries on their motherbleeping planes?

UPDATE / CORRECTION: This discussion is subject to a correction — see here.

Of course, Nelson handled this world-class rogering with more grace and class than I can even imagine…

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Lawyer of the Day: Aaron Biber

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Aaron Biber Gray Plant Mooty.jpgAaron Biber was a principal specializing in business law at the Minnesota law firm of Gray Plant Mooty — until yesterday. As mentioned in yesterday’s Non-Sequiturs, he’s been charged with molesting a 15-year-old boy.

His photo appears at right. We’ll let you be the judge.

Biber was a prominent member of the local bar. From the Minneapolis Business Journal:

Biber is treasurer of the Minnesota State Bar Association, and a former president of the Hennepin County Bar Association. He’s being held at the Hennepin County jail. Freeman’s office expects to ask for $1 million bail at his arraignment, scheduled for Tuesday.

South Lake Minnetonka police arrested Biber on Friday at the Eden Prairie Mall, where he had allegedly arranged to meet the boy. Authorities say Biber had previously had sex with the boy in October at Biber’s Shorewood home.

Gray Plant Mooty has put Biber “on leave” and taken down his bio. This Minnesota firm can teach Biglaw a thing or two — they’ve even eliminated the cached version.

UPDATE: Actually, you can find a cached version of his 2007 bio here (gavel bang: commenter). We’ve pasted a portion of it after the jump.

More yucky allegations, and the reaction from his colleagues, after the jump.

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