Morning Docket

* Alito and Jackson snipe at each other over CFPB funding argument with Justice Jackson focusing on whether the agency violates some part of the Constitution and Justice Alito demanding some historical precedent as if Alexander Hamilton and the Bank of the United States didn’t exist. [Law360]

* New Twitter will pay legal fees for old Twitter executives as Musk’s effort to escape this specific legal obligation also failed. [The Verge]

* Gag order issued against Trump after he doxxed a clerk in his case. Let’s start taking bets on how long it takes for him to violate this. [Reuters]

* Law firm mergers keep on coming and might well accelerate as the “little recession that couldn’t” seems to have only succeeded in revealing prime takeover targets. [American Lawyer]

* Funniest lawyer in New Jersey [NY Post]

* When it comes to diversity, the US Supreme Court is not as bad as some. [LegalCheek]

* Supreme Court argues over whether or not “and” means “or” because we’re a very serious global superpower. [National Law Journal]

* Elon Musk faces defamation claims after he “falsely accused a recent college graduate of being a federal agent posing as a neo-Nazi during a violent street brawl at an LGBTQ event.” That’s a bingo card for you. [Law360]

* Meanwhile, artist formerly knowns as Twitter sued by legal marketing firm over use of “X.” [Bloomberg Law News]

* As Trump trial continues, SBF trial kicks off to make downtown Manhattan even more insufferable [Reuters]

* Alina Habba ready to get a few rounds of Fortnite in between witnesses. [Yahoo]

* Which university breaks safety laws for years and how did you already know it was going to be Liberty. [Washington Post]

* Supreme Court is back in session after a relaxing summer collecting graft. [Reuters]

* Trump’s NY trial begins. [Law360]

* Law firms prep strategy for dealing with vexatious lawsuits from anti-diversity groups. [Bloomberg Law News]

* A proposal to end lockstep associate pay which sounds absolutely miserable. [Law.com]

* Melania investing in some trusts and estates know-how. [Mercury News]

* England elevates first woman to run its court system. [Legal Cheek]

* Law students are the worst people at the club. [LegalCheek]

* Lawyer sues Harvard for defamation because… well, you’re not gonna believe this one. [Daily Report Online]

* ADF just makes up plaintiffs. [Washington Post]

* Trump can’t stay trial just because his financial house of cards collapsed. [Law360]

* Don’t know who still needs to hear this, but don’t try to bomb lawyers. [Roll on Friday]

* Shira Scheindlin moves to Boies Schiller. [New York Law Journal]

* Longest serving clerk reflects on yet another shutdown. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Lawsuit against OpenAI to determine if AI training amounts to a copyright violation continues apace. [Reuters]

* Democrats ask Clarence Thomas to recuse himself from case run by Koch attorneys because they’re under the mistaken impression that Thomas has any shame. [Law360]

* Adapting trial practice to persuade the TikTok generation. [DBR]

* Tanya Chutkan politely declines Trump’s bonkers demand that she leave the case. [Reuters]

* Former MLA recruiter’s bankruptcy estate pursuing sexual harassment claims. [American Lawyer]

* Just how much has Ron DeSantis cost Florida taxpayers? [New Republic]

* Law school routinely punching above its perceived weight class. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Trump’s businesses nuked by judge. Why does the woke mob keep doing this just because he’s committing “crimes”? [CNN]

* Amazon’s business practices run into Sherman Act. Bad week for Primes. [Reuters]

* JP Morgan spending $75 million to settle Jeffrey Epstein claims which is a totally normal thing banks do. [Law360]

* Boutique cashes in on Lewis Brisbois defection/catastrophe. [Bloomberg Law News]

* The tech driving legal gets pricier. [Legaltech News]

* What’s 400 gigs of confidential data among friends? [The Recorder]

* Bombs away. [LegalCheek]

* Keeping it a secret. The identities of the jurors in the Georgia Trump election case that is. [Law360]

* Seeking emergency relief from a New York court? You’ve gotta be there in person. [New York Law Journal]

* Judge Aileen Cannon sets date to hear arguments on conflicts of interest in the Trump documents case. [Law & Crime]

* Dems would really like Bob Menendez to resign… [Huffington Post]

* You say “right-wing fever dream,” I say it’s about to be the latest Supreme Court jurisprudence. [Vox]  

* Surprising beneficiary of ending the Hollywood strikes? Political campaigns. [Politico]

* Justice Kagan goes on record that a Supreme Court ethics rule would be a good idea. Chief Justice Roberts cryptically responds with “ixnay on the orruptioncay.” [Courthouse News Service]

* Trump judge declares that drag shows are not protected expression under the Constitution. Originalism is a bankrupt legal concept, but if it means absolutely anything, I’d encourage these people to learn about Shakespeare productions. [Reuters]

* Divorce lawyer says Barbie, Beyonce, and Taylor Swift are causing more breakups. Weird what happens when women decide they have “agency” and “deserve respect.” [People]

* In a first, Indian Supreme Court case argued through sign language. [NDTV]

* Texas rule automatically stays orders if the AG’s office files an appeal. Everything’s bigger in Texas, including the breaches of separation of powers. [Texas Tribune]

* Arent Fox sued claiming unauthorized disbursements from escrow funds. [National Law Journal]

* Class cert granted for college athletes seeking an injunction against the NCAA for antitrust violations related to their name, image, and likeness rights. [Law360]

* Somehow they’ve managed to find even more undisclosed private air travel. This time taking Clarence Thomas to a Koch brothers event in a level of impropriety that a former W. Bush judge said, “takes my breath away, frankly.” [ProPublica]

* Clifford Chance opts for permanent hybrid work model while other firms choose alienation and extortion. [RollonFriday]

* Second Circuit decides Sam Bankman-Fried can wait in jail. [Law360]

* North Carolina Supreme Court justice Anita Earls spoke publicly about implicit bias in the legal system. After the judiciary commission ordered her to pre-clear future statements with them, she sued over the prior restraint and the federal judge chastised her for making the justice system look bad by talking about bias out loud. [Balls and Strikes]

* Having toppled admissions, right-wingers take aim at scholarships that might possibly help non-white people go to school. [Reuters]

* Judge upholds the right of private investors to put their money toward companies that match their environmental and social goals. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Profiling the folks chronicling the opaque Google antitrust case. [Wired]

* George RR Martin among the authors suing OpenAI for allowing the algorithm to train on their work. Did the AI learn to sit on an anticipated project for over a decade? Because otherwise it’s not clear what it’s learning from Martin. [Reuters]

* Former DHS Secretary turned security consultant Michael Chernoff warns that AI needs proactive guardrails. Great point… now go back to collecting millions of dollars from the Supreme Court to tell them they did a great job investigating the Dobbs leak without bothering to interview the most likely suspects. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Attorney attempted to attend two CLEs at once. Most would call this blatantly unethical, but it’s also impressive multitasking. [ABA Journal]

* The Feds closed up the investigation into Los Angeles water and power billing violations — involving allegations of attorney misconduct — without charging anyone. [LA Times]

* SEC issues new rules to bar funds from touting ESG work when they aren’t really investing in ESG work. A sound policy that won’t matter when Republicans ban private enterprise from spending money on causes they don’t like. [Law360]

* DISCO hit with a securities class action over financial disclosures. [Legaltech News]

* Which seems to be the least of the problems over there. [Daily Mail]

* Federal courts have two weeks of funding if the government shuts down. So there’s a silver lining to a shutdown? [Reuters]

* Joshua Wright’s accusers respond to his massive defamation suit against them noting that the complaint fails to include any defamatory statements and… kind of admits to everything. [Law360]

* Former Obama administration officials tell FCC not to pursue net neutrality because conservatives in the judiciary might strike it down. At that rate, just go ahead and preemptively stop enforcing all laws because Sam Alito once read a medieval scroll that he thinks applies to the Chevron doctrine. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Sid and Cheesy get to interview grand jury members who returned their indictments. But with some key conditions. [Fox Atlanta]

* Lawrence Lessig is unimpressed by the Fourteenth Amendment case against Donald Trump. Not for the loony “just because the presidency is an office of the United States doesn’t make the president an officer of the United States” stuff from Mukasey, but because lowering the bar for insurrection all the way to January 6 would open up a dangerous precedent that bad actors could use to shut down dissent. [Slate]

* The Supreme Court specifically excluded military academies from the latest affirmative action cases, reflecting in part the military’s stance that national security requires a diverse officer corps capable of managing an increasingly diverse enlisted force. The folks who brought that case have now sued West Point because they care way more about bigotry than national security. [Reuters]

* Temple’s acting president, former law school dean JoAnne Epps has died after collapsing on stage. [NY Times]

* Rudy Giuliani sued by attorney over $1.36 million in legal fees. That’s about 4200 Cameos for the guy. [NBC]

* Weil, O’Melveny and Keker, Van Nest & Peters among firms sorting out the remains of the Pac-12. [American Lawyer]

* Internet “protect the children!” laws to restrict content are unconstitutional on a bipartisan basis. [Washington Post]

* Meanwhile, loot boxes aimed at kids? Yeah, those are trouble. [LegalCheek]

* Perkins Coie and MoFo hire counsel in pending DEI suits. Perkins hired Jenner & Block (and boutique firm Lynn Pinker Hurst & Schwegmann) and MoFo has hired MoFo has hired Gibson Dunn (and boutique firm Gelber Schachter & Greenberg). [Bloomberg Law News]

* David Boies charges $2110 an hour. Pro tip: it’s best to write down all your questions for your attorney beforehand to streamline the meeting! [Reuters]

* Winner, winner, market-manipulated chicken dinner. [Law360]

* Texas AG Ken Paxton acquitted in his impeachment trial, which as a reminder was brought by the Republicans in the Texas House. [Texas Tribune]

* Don’t let the Clarence and Sam ethical quagmire distract from the other important legal reporting coming out of ProPublica. Like this deep dive into how Mississippi deals with poor defendants. [ProPublica]

* While her fellow judges engage in an end run around the Constitution to sideline Judge Pauline Newman citing a decline in mental faculties (which a leading neurologist disputes… but obviously judges understand neurology better than neurologists), she regaled a conference with her take on patent issues surrounding vaccine development. [Reuters]

* Trouble in wingnut paradise? Doctor Jenna Ellis turns on Donald Trump. [The Guardian]

* Biglaw is hemorrhaging support staff. [American Lawyer]

* T.I. headed back to court with his IP case against a doll manufacturer now that the Supreme Court futzed with IP standards in the dog toy case. [Law360]

* Banks tell CFPB that there’s no reason to have separate standards for “medical credit cards” aimed at patients trying to not go bankrupt under the American health care system because they’re really not any different than regular credit cards… despite being named “medical credit cards,” marketed toward a uniquely desperate population, and having totally different policies. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Hunter Biden indicted on gun charge. You are not prepared for the sneering glee Justice Alito will put into his opinion using Joe Biden’s son as the vehicle to strike down gun laws. [CNN]

* In black box hearing, a NY appellate judge has put a halt on Trump’s financial crimes case pending review by a full panel and throwing a wrench in the delicate schedule of multiple overlapping criminal trials. [Daily Beast]

* Did you know nasal decongestants don’t work? Apparently true! Here come the lawsuits against folks who saw the unfortunate souls struggling to breathe enough to get through the work day and decided to bleed us dry. [Reuters]

* House Republicans maintain laser focus on fighting ESG guidelines. Because capitalism means private businesses have freedom until they use that freedom to invest in solar power. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Eastman ally takes stand. Unable to cite any support for his election denial stuff either. [Law360]

* ASS Law bans professors from having sex with students because… obviously. [Law.com]

* This may come as a shock, but new study suggests the public defender system is overburdened. Who could have known other than anyone who listened to public defenders for the last 50 years? [ABA Journal]

* Cleta Mitchell missed out on indictment, but the disgraced former Foley & Lardner lawyer is still leading the election denial movement. So maybe it’s more fair to say she’s escaped indictment so far. [The Intercept]

* For a guy with a Real Housewives pedigree, Tom Girardi does not understand a hot mic. [Law360]

* Wachtell still trying to get its Twitter money. [American Lawyer]

* Court papers can now “slide into your DMs,” proving Twitter really can get worse. [Legaltech News]

* Law firms line up to advise clients on maintaining productive and often client- and investor-demanded diversity programs in the face of activist lawsuits. While other firms cower in fear.  [Reuters]

* DISCO chief’s departure causes shares to take a tumble. What’s next for Kiwi Camara? If history is any guide, maybe a company called “Hair Metal.” [Bloomberg Law News]

* Sam Bankman-Fried denied pre-trial release after arguing that his alleged witness tampering, not unlike the value of cryptocurrency, wasn’t what it looked like on paper. [Reuters]

* After opening door a crack to allow some transparency in proceedings during the pandemic, the federal courts look to curtail live audio access. [Law360]

* Lawyer informs Texas Senate that Ken Paxton approved every bit of investigation at heart of impeachment. [Texas Tribune]

* Trial to begin to decide constitutionality of “America’s most extreme gun control law.” The law just requires gun owners to get a permit and bans magazines over 10 rounds. Again, this is what passes for the “most extreme” law in the country. [Fox News]

* Gibson Dunn alters diversity scholarship criteria as activists ramp up threats to sue law firms for pursuing initiatives to make the profession less white. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Meanwhile, two law schools are back in compliance with ABA accreditors after improving faculty diversity and likely putting them out of compliance with these litigious activists (Another law school is back in compliance after improving its finances… which is less controversial). [Law.com]

* Governor asks to change state’s public records law to keep her travel under wraps. [ABC]

* Trump moves to get Judge Chutkan kicked off his case because at a sentencing for a low-level January 6er, she said that the organizers of the riot had not been charged. But she never said Trump was the one who organized the riot. So… his lawyers are the ones making the connection that well obviously our client organized the riot. Galaxy brain work, gang! [CNN]

* NY judge strikes down state’s ethics commission, ruling that it violates separation of powers for former governor Andrew Cuomo to be subject to an independent ethical probe. By way of pure coincidence, this judge was a Trump nominee who failed to reach a Senate vote. [Law360]

* Because, relatedly, the Supreme Court eyes another run at the CFPB arguing that it violates the separation of powers to have an agency that lawmakers can’t unilaterally zero-fund at any moment. [Reuters]

* The Google antitrust defense team learned its trade while working on the other side of the Microsoft antitrust case. Around, around the revolving door goes! [Bloomberg Law News]

* Supreme Court needs binding ethics rules… but don’t hold your breath. [Dorf on Law]

* Tech and office space enjoy a complicated budgeting relationship. [American Lawyer]

* Legendary DC attorney Bob Bennett has passed away. [NY Times]

* Harvard Law School grads don’t end up in the Boston market. Here’s another shocker: Yale grads don’t practice in New Haven, either. [bloomberg]

* Paul Weiss keeps raiding Kirkland. [Financial Times]

* Can you properly call someone holding an “office” of the United States an “officer” of the United States muses former Attorney General. The answer is yes, because that’s how the English language works. [WSJ]

* Joshua Wright’s behavior was an “open secret” around the law school. And no one did anything. [Law360]

* Mark Meadows tried to move his case to federal court. He failed. [reuters]

* Microsoft plans to cover costs of litigation sparked by its AI. [Ars Technica]

* Google antitrust showdown begins. [Washington Post]

* Alabama’s open defiance of the Supreme Court’s election law ruling sets up a potential return trip to DC, with Republicans hoping they can flip Brett Kavanaugh this time. A new leak — which we’ll also never get to the bottom of — suggests Kavanaugh’s original vote was the product of lengthy negotiations with John Roberts. Is Roberts leaking this to shame Kavanaugh into remaining consistent… or is Alito leaking this to call Kavanaugh a cuck for respecting the Voting Rights Act? Both good guesses! [CNN]

* Speaking of Kavanaugh, he says that being a judge is like being an umpire. Though for colleagues like Thomas and Alito it seems to be more like being an NBA referee. Specifically Tim Donaghy. [Law360]

* Data privacy is a massive battleground for future legal tussles, but law schools are more interested in maintaining courses on who controls a whale carcass under admiralty law to bother teaching about data. [Legaltech News]

* Judge Pauline Newman releases her medical tests as the Federal Circuit continues its unconstitutional power grab to force her off the bench. Again, the judiciary should have term limits, but until it does this is a matter for the legislative branch. [Bloomberg Law News]

* In “dog bites man” news, Peter Navarro convicted on contempt of Congress charges. [Reuters]

* Eversheds lawyer apparently punched a banker for using a slur. This is toward the top of the lengthy list of reasons to punch bankers. [Roll on Friday]

* A poll of Law.com readers sees more layoffs in the future because no one is ready to admit there never was an actual recession. [Law.com]

* Former Biglaw shareholder sues TikTok influencer who posted videos of the attorney yelling at his family that led to his ultimate resignation from the firm. [Law360]

* MoFo appears to have already caved to the lawsuit brought by anti-diversity activists. [Reuters]

* Notably, white dudes continue to get all the legal jobs they want. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Alex Murdaugh blames a clerk in his bid to get murder conviction tossed. [ABA Journal]