* Jose Baez of Casey Anthony trial fame gave the commencement address at Valparaiso Law this weekend and let graduates know that they, too, can be attorneys, even if they’ve been financially irresponsible. They’re letting this man teach at Harvard Law now. [The Times]
* Suffolk Law and Cardozo Law will have new deans this summer, and both are planning for smaller classes. Considering Suffolk’s plummeting LSAT scores (and standards?), its new dean may have bigger problems to deal with than filling seats. [National Law Journal]
* He “Pressure Drop[ped]” the ball: If you could take the LSAT or open for the Rolling Stones with Toots and the Maytals, which would you pick? This Paul Hastings partner took the test, and says it’s his only regret about choosing law over music. [Am Law Daily]
* Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev may have been sentenced to death last week, but it’s highly unlikely that his punishment will be carried out any time soon, if at all. Instead, he’ll be putting his lawyers to work for time ad infinitum. [WSJ Law Blog]
* “[D]on’t let anyone say that Charleston School of Law was already in trouble.” A local attorney says that this soon-to-fail law school only started circling the drain after its proposed sale to InfiLaw was announced. That’s quite the indictment. [Post and Courier]
* Manny Pacquiao is headed to court after a pair of Nevada fans sued him for failing to disclose his torn rotator cuff before entering the ring. They feel this was dishonest, but Manny is a politician, so… [Bloomberg Business]
* Trial of man who knocked out his lawyer delayed after he… attacked his new lawyer. [Post Star]
* Tort reform advocates talk a big game, but the harms they try to cure are mostly non-existent. [LFC 360]
* Speaking of Colorado, a prisoner there serving a life sentence wrote Above the Law the other day explaining that his pro bono lawyer had died and asking us for legal help. We don’t do that kind of work, but if you’re an interested criminal defense lawyer in Colorado, let us know.
* David Simon, the creator of The Wire, weighs in on Baltimore. He points blame at a police force rooted in “a culture that taught them not the hard job of policing, but simply how to roam the city, jack everyone up, and call for the wagon.” F**k. [Talking Points Memo]
* In Colorado, marriage is defined as one man and… well, that’s all you need actually. [Business Insider Law & Order]
* Hull takes a stab at explaining his problem with the parlance of email. [What About Clients?]
* A fly on the wall at the post-Obergefell chambers conference. [Law Prof Blawg]
* Professor Hasen examines Williams-Yulee. [Election Law Blog]
* Another reality TV legal run-in: the restaurant from “Welcome to Sweetie Pie’s” settles a discrimination suit over an employee claiming she was fired for refusing to join a prayer session. I think the important question here is: there’s really a show called “Welcome to Sweetie Pie’s”? [Missouri Lawyers Weekly]
* Did you follow that child custody hearing over letting an 11-year-old attend a P!nk (is this how we write that now?) concert? Because it was crazypants. [Bronzino Law]
* Could the Uber class action suit spell relief for contract attorneys? [Law and More]
* Ballard Spahr’s Chair Mark Stewart talks about the competition between law firms and the distribution of… oh, face it, you just want to hear him talk about hiring Rogers Stevens of Blind Melon as an associate. [Bloomberg BNA / Big Law Business]
* Robin Thicke and Pharrell Williams will officially be appealing the $7.4 million “Blurred Lines” verdict that was handed down against them earlier this week. Both musicians were likely decidedly unhappy about having to give up their spare pocket change to pay for a lawsuit they thought they should’ve won. [Hollywood Reporter]
* Another law school is teaching a marijuana law class, and it’s scheduled on Fridays so students won’t take it as a novelty course. For potheads, having to drag your ass out of bed when you don’t have other classes is a disincentivizer. [Columbus Dispatch]
* After reaping the benefits of serving as lead counsel in Detroit’s bankruptcy, Jones Day decided to pay the city back by opening an office. The firm will recruit for the new office internally. Raise your hand if you’re excited to move to Detroit, associates. [Am Law Daily]
* “I don’t know where he is. I haven’t got a clue.” Paul Ceglia, the man who claimed he owned half of Facebook based on a faux contract and is now facing fraud charges, has suddenly and conveniently disappeared ahead of his May trial. Dislike. [Bloomberg]
* If for some reason you’re still interested in applying to law school, here’s a timeline that will help you get through the application process. Step 1: Figure out if you actually need to go to law school. Step 2: Abandon the rest of the steps. [U.S. News & World Report]
Here’s the actual controversy in the Blurred Lines/Marvin Gaye trial.
Because every episode of VH1’s Behind The Music should end with a healthy discussion of ERISA.
If the goal of an ad is name recognition, then… well, you’ll never NOT remember Mark Jones after you force yourself to watch this ad.
* Another benchmark in the Ninth Circuit’s ongoing war against prosecutorial misconduct: a panel of judges — Kozinski, Wardlaw, and Fletcher — suggest trying prosecutors for perjury. [New York Observer]
* Lawyer and blogger Eric Turkewitz finds himself in the New York Post’s Page Six gossip column. Just what was he doing with Selena Gomez while Justin Bieber wasn’t looking? [New York Personal Injury Attorney Blog]
* Kristine Sperling left her position as a senior associate at Latham to start her own organic soap company. And, I’m assuming, an underground fight club. [Good Day Sacramento]
* The 2015 Social Media Subpoena Guide. Everything you need to know about getting all their best cookie recipes off Pinterest. [Associate’s Mind]
* Tom Petty’s lawyers “Won’t Back Down” and now he’s getting royalties for that Sam Smith song. [Consequence of Sound]
* Which law professor rules the Twitterverse? A comprehensive numerical analysis provides the answer. [Ryan Whalen]
* A new, easy to use online version of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure. If you’re into that kind of thing. [Federal Rules of Civil Procedure]
People watch short videos to learn pretty much everything. And they do it exactly when they need to learn – whether it’s to tie a bow tie an hour before a wedding or make a martini just before the party starts. Hotshot is bringing that concept to the legal industry. We think you should be […]
* Justice Scalia’s audition tape released including “rigorous mock hearings and jurisprudence drills, as well as a cold read from a randomly chosen amicus curiae brief.” [The Onion]
* Jesus, Harvard professors are frigging babies. Now they’re complaining about Obamacare because they have to pay $20 co-pays… like everyone else in the world since seemingly forever. [Lawyers, Guns & Money]
* Don’t try to blow up ATMs. [Lowering the Bar]
* Professor Thane Rosenbaum reviews Supreme Ambitions (affiliate link). While he adds to the accolades, he also drops this curious description: “Think Bartleby, The Scrivener meets The Devil Wears Prada.” Um, “I prefer not to”? [Huffington Post]
* It’s time for the Careerist Awards! [The Careerist]
* Which law school in California provided the most “value add,” as measured by most improved bar passage rate over expectations? [TaxProf Blog]
* Shearman & Sterling partner Richard Hsu’s continuing interview series sits down with another former Shearman attorney, Drew Shoals, now the drummer for Train. Otherwise known as “that band drunk 20-something white girls love.” [Hsu Untied]
* The Hardcore Pawn guys talk about what they look for in lawyers. If we’re good enough they’ll give us $20 for our services, but honestly that’s the best they can do. [Forbes]
* 10 Things People Don’t Understand About ‘Serial’ Unless You’re a Criminal Attorney. What I don’t understand is why we’re still talking about this show a week later. [Huffington Post]
* Have you been waiting for a Dynamite Hack’s Boyz N the Hood to be reimagined as a song about law professors? Then I present Profs in the School. [Lawprofblawg]
* Are law students worse students than they used to be? At least worse than they were when professors used to walk uphill both ways in the snow. [PrawfsBlawg]
* 2013 job results. For all the schools. [Associate’s Mind]
Law can be a tremendously rewarding career, but also at times frustrating and incredibly stressful.
* The Thomas M. Cooley Law School is planning to sell one of its academic buildings for an asking price of $8.15 million. Dear Lord, the school will lose some of its library square footage. NOOOOOOOOO! [Lansing State Journal]
* Contrary to his client’s hit anthem, Pharrell’s lawyer isn’t happy. He says YouTube has been “blithely” ignoring his requests to take down music for which it lacks performance rights, and it may result in a $1B lawsuit. [Hollywood Reporter]
* Clifford Sloan, the State Department’s special envoy on Guantánamo Bay, appointed in 2013 to help shut down the detention center, is returning to the loving arms of Skadden’s partnership on January 1, 2015. Gitmo is still open. Oops. [Am Law Daily]
* After 30 years, the Food and Drug Administration decided to lift its lifetime ban on blood donation for gay men. Now gay men just have to abstain from doing gay things for a year — like having sex with other men — to donate blood. Yay? [WSJ Law Blog]
* If you’ve been wondering what the most ridiculous lawsuits of 2014 are, we’ve got you covered. These are the top 10 most absurd cases filed over the course of the past year. You may remember some of these from our coverage. [Faces of Lawsuit Abuse]
Where did he go to law school and where does he now work?
* Law school enrollment continues its death spiral for the fourth year in a row, with enrollment down about 28 percent since 2010. Some schools — about 25 of them — have reported enrollment dips of more than 20 percent. Celebrate good times, come on! [National Law Journal]
* Beyoncé and Jay-Z, the queen and king of rap royalty, have been sued over a sample that was allegedly used in their hit song, “Drunk in Love.” When asked for comment on the suit, our bae Bey kept it short and sweet: “Bow down, bitches.” [A.V. Club]
* Yoohoo, SCOTUS, pay attention to this one: The first federal judge has weighed in on President Obama’s executive order on immigration, and in a four-page takedown, found it unconstitutional and “beyond prosecutorial discretion.” [WSJ Law Blog]
* Katrina Dawson, an Australian lawyer who worked at Eight Selborne Chambers, was killed during the Sydney terrorist siege earlier this week. She reportedly died in an attempt to save a pregnant law firm colleague from a hail of gunfire. [Am Law Daily]
* Lawyers and law students dressed in suits hosted a “die-in” in the pouring rain outside of a courthouse in downtown L.A. yesterday. Professor Priscilla Ocen of Loyola Law made some great points on a bullhorn. [L.A. Now / Los Angeles Times]
Sometimes, the person handing over the bonus check is bonus enough to make lawyers feel like they’re living large.
Who knew John Roberts could lay down sick rhymes like these?