National Football League
So apparently Steve Jobs died last week? Perhaps you heard about it. Seems like everyone raced to their Zunes to eulogize the man who, quite literally, revolutionized the way we ignore homeless people on our walk to work. Just a whole lot of blubbering and crying and waxing poetic about iPads and Newtons and other fully assembled and ready-to-go computational machines. So yeah, he was a huge deal and I’m not sure how we’ll ever make it in his absence.
It would take a truly remarkable man’s death to overshadow the Apple guru’s passing. And so we can be thankful for Al Davis, who shuffled off this mortal coil on Saturday, slipping the surly bonds of earth, blah blah, whatever. I probably don’t need to tell you this, but Al Davis epitomized everything this website is about. Through sheer cunning and derring-do, Davis committed his life to two things: lawsuits and trolling the everliving s**t out of the most successful sports league this country has ever known.
After the jump, just read baby….
* A law firm in England, Edwards Duthie, believes that everyone is entitled to legal representation, even those who don’t believe in the rule of law. Have fun with Gaddafi; he should be a model client. [Guardian]
There are very few people that change your life. Dick Ebersol changed mine. He brought me to NBC a few weeks after I was cut by the Bengals. He saved me from a life of torts.
* A South Carolina jail is being investigated by the Justice Department for allowing its inmates to read only the Bible. Instead of a joke, how about you goofballs learn something and read this article that Christopher Hitchens wrote about the King James version of the not-quite-great book. [Charleston Post and Courier]
* Hide yo kilos, hide yo weed. Cause they searching errbody. [Los Angeles Times]
* Everything you didn’t know you wanted to know but were afraid you forgot to ask about the NFL lockout ruling from yesterday. [SI.com]
Earlier this evening, U.S. District Judge Susan Richard Nelson (D. Minn.) ordered an end to the NFL lockout. Football is back on! Maybe! Or not! Not at all? Who knows?!?!?!
Yes, Judge Nelson ordered an end to the lockout today. Watching ESPN is like a trainwreck for those who crave certainty in their news reports. The NFL has already said it will appeal and seek a stay of Judge Nelson’s ruling.
If a stay is granted, well… we’re back to the lockout status quo. If a stay is not granted, then all hell will break loose and the NFL will be broken up into a bunch of Baby Bells? I think? I think that’s the implication of all the antitrust stuff that’s floating around?
- 9th Circuit, Baker & McKenzie, Bingham McCutchen, Divorce Train Wrecks, Football, Gibson Dunn, Immigration, Insider Trading, Morning Docket, Sports
* Meanwhile, Bingham McCutchen is preemptively suing Frank McCourt for letting them screw him over so badly. [Los Angeles Times]
* The Ninth Circuit ruled that the most controversial parts of the Arizona immigration law will remain blocked. [Washington Post]
* A man was fired from his job as a part-time urine monitor because he was born a woman. He’s suing (with help from Gibson Dunn), but has already found new employment. As a package handler. [New York Times]
* Speaking of packages, this employment discrimination lawsuit filed against a Dallas law firm is struggling with penis ID. [ABA Journal]
Honestly, I don’t understand why people hate jury duty so much. What’s the big deal? You don’t have to go to work. You can sit down and read stuff on your iPad or play Angry Birds. Then you go home. How is this a hardship to be avoided at all costs?
And if you are extremely lucky, you get to be a part of the justice system. What kind of fairweather citizen is too busy to participate in justice?
Well, not everybody appreciates the awesome responsibility of jury duty. Today we’ve got two stories of people trying to shirk their civic responsibilities — unsuccessfully…
Since Japan is about to sink, drown, or blow up, you might have missed the fact that 32 or so billionaires officially can’t figure out how to share profits with a few hundred millionaires. That’s right, the National Football League — the most successful sports association ever — is in a stage of lockout. The owners and the players can’t agree, and now both sides have lawyered up and are heading to court.
The NFL owners have locked out the players, and the players have asked for an injunction preventing the lockout. Welcome to Brady v. NFL.
Naturally, I’m on the side of the marginally greedy, financially illiterate players over the unimaginably greedy, financially irresponsible owners. Bill Simmons perfectly captures the real core of this fight that the owners are picking with their employees.
And there are all kinds of funky legal issues swirling around the case: the player’s union “sham” decertification, the NFL’s T.V. revenue war chest they should have been sharing with the players all along, and enough Sherman Antitrust Act angles to fill a casebook.
And there’s legal star power: as we mentioned this morning, David Boies has joined the fight on the side of money grubbing owners who would happily sacrifice the long term health of their employees for some more short term profits.
But this morning we should focus on the man who could be “the Decider,” U.S. District Judge David Doty. The man has such a history of frustrating the NFL owner/oligarchs that simply getting the case into his courtroom could force the owners back into negotiating in good faith. We should know more about this guy.
Remember, the 1994 Major League Baseball strike was settled by a judge — and her name is Sonia Sotomayor — only she’s got a better title now. Just saying….
* Chevron gets hit with a record-setting judgment in the Ecuadorian environmental case — and it has to apologize. [Wall Street Journal]
* The Justice Department will investigate the death of the Pace University student shot by police. This comes after a grand jury declined to indict any of the police officers involved in the shooting. [Boston Globe]
* A lacrosse stick, hella yayo, and a horrific sex crime. What is ‘When keeping it bro goes wrong’, Alex? [New York Post]
* New York has published a Legal Doomsday Manual. From the introduction: “Zombies will rape your face if not properly Mirandized.” [New York Times]
* Obama’s proposed budget does not cut funding to the Legal Services Corporation. I think it’s high time trial lawyers started voting Democrat. [WSJ Law Blog]
* Here’s an ancient Chinese secret for you. It’s difficult to sue them. [Reuters]