Non-Sequiturs

* Federal judges with lifetime appointments: They’re just like recent law school graduates! The Senate Judiciary Committee just confirmed Brett J. Talley to the Middle District of Alabama, despite the fact that he’s got less than years of experience, has never argued a motion, and was declared “not qualified” by the ABA. Awesome. [The Hill]

* Calling all defenders of Roy Moore: “If You Refuse to Condemn Predators because of Politics, You’re Disgusting.” [National Review]

* Thanks to all of the recent sexual assault accusations that have been lodged against men in the entertainment industry, the Los Angeles District Attorney’s Office has set up a task force to deal with these star-studded Hollywood cases. [Jezebel]

* News that the law school cartel in the United States is in crisis has finally made its way across the pond. Should solicitors and barristers care? [Legal Cheek]

* Dozens of DACA recipients have had their renewal applications rejected due to mail delays, and they have no right to appeal. This is awful. [New York Times]

* Colin Kaepernick’s lawyers have requested emails and texts from a number of teams as part of the quarterback’s collusion claim. They’ve also asked to speak to Texans owner Bob McNair, 49ers owner Jed York, and Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. [CBS Sports]

* So, you want to write a white paper. Best practices for law firms to make the most of the marketing opportunity. [Law and More]

* Bad news for in-house lawyers. Those sexual harassment trainings probably don’t work. [Mother Jones]

* Yeah, you best believe Anita Hill has some thoughts about what’s been going on. [New Yorker]

* It’s apparently Global Love Your Lawyer Day, so get out there and give your lawyer a hug! [ABA Journal]

* As Trump (slowly) nominates U.S. Attorneys, just how important is it that prosecutors have ties to the states they serve? [Baltimore Sun]

* Saudi Arabia made a robot a citizen. What will the ramifications of this be on international law? [Law and More]

* The legal troubles of the Wolf Man. Or — wait for it — Mo’ Moon-ey, Mo’ Problems. [The Legal Geeks]

* If you’re in D.C. next week, Thomson Reuters is hosting “The Future of Law Schools” at the Georgetown University Hotel & Conference Center. The conference is bringing together an impressive collection of legal academics, administrators, hiring partners, and practitioners to discuss where legal education goes from here to foster the next generation of lawyers. [Future of Law Schools]

* We’ve already covered how comically unfit Jeff Mateer is for the federal bench. And that was before we learned that he’s compared the treatment of Christians under Obama to the treatment of Jews in Nazi Germany. I can think of at least six million problems with that sentiment. [Newsweek]

* On that note, it’s looking more and more like these judges are the heart of Trump’s domestic agenda. [Rewire]

* Checking in on Don Verrilli. Not to fault his success at Munger Tolles, but it’d be nice if he could go back to his last job. [Bloomberg Big Law Business]

* The delicate art of the legal threat. [Katz on Justice]

* A bar exam failure offers advice on turning your fate around. [Modestly Jonathan]

* Harvard Law School is conducting a mental health survey. But will the respondents answer with candor? [Law and More]

* Transitions are hard, if not almost impossible to pull off. David Boies is eager to help his firm outlive him. [Big Law Business]

* Friday Fun Fact: Donald Trump’s campaign is spending $1 of every $10 donated on legal fees. [CNN]

* Highlights on a legal ethics course taught through collaborative learning. [Just Resolutions]

* That time Cy Vance took a donation right before a letting someone slide without charges. No, not that time. Or that time. This is a new time. [CBS News]

* Boalt law student defends the clone troopers for executing all the Jedi. Still no one able to defend George Lucas for making the prequels. [Legal Geeks]

* Congrats to Fix the Court for getting some transparency by securing an audio stream of this morning’s D.C. Circuit argument. [Fix the Court]

* Roberta Kaplan and Boies Schiller’s Karen Dunn are suing Nazis for the violence that erupted in Virginia. [Slate]

* Filers didn’t seem to care as much about getting an extra year of design patent coverage as policymakers thought. [Patentlyo]

* How to you repair your reputation after a bad performance review? [The Muse]

* What do we want? Justice for Frankenstein’s Monster. When do we want it? Now. [Legal Geeks]

* The Dutch say Microsoft 10 violates local privacy laws, which is pretty bad news when you remember GDPR is about to make those laws way more strict. [TechCrunch]

* What you really need to know about Friday the 13th. [IBT]

* Law firms: get ready for the crushing pressure from PwC… [Law and More]

* Everyone can have a bad week at work. Check out the tips for bouncing back. [Corporette]

* Who wants to watch Marshall the Movie?

https://twitter.com/chancetherapper/status/918866801546747904

* Salary hikes (in London). [Legal Cheek]

* Travel bans and compelling interests. [Dorf on Law]

* Speaking of SCOTUS, Adam Feldman reads the oral-argument tea leaves from the first week of the new Term. [Empirical SCOTUS]

* And devotees of Justice Antonin Scalia might want to check out Scalia Speaks (affiliate link), a collection of the late jurist’s speeches edited by son Christopher Scalia and former law clerk Ed Whelan. [Bloomberg BNA]

* Did this court just gut her whole job description? [New York Law Journal]

* It can be challenging for creators to protect their IP; could a small-claims court for copyright be the answer? [Copyright Alliance]

* The ACLU is ready to fight a Louisiana school district after they told student athletes they must stand for the national anthem or they’ll get kicked off the team. [Huffington Post]

* New York landlords that harass rent stabilized tenants beware — AG Eric Schneiderman has his eye on you. [Cityland]

* The Supreme Court’s role in building Hugh Hefner’s naked empire. [Law and More]

* Starting a new Biglaw job? Tips to keep your finances in order. [Corporette]

* Will lowering California’s bar cut score do more harm than good? [Lawyerist]

* The party behind Brexit has a new logo that looks a little like they cribbed it from a law school. [LegalCheek]

* Skadden is getting sucked into the Paul Manafort investigation. Will the firm’s stellar reputation suffer as a result? [Law and More]

* As a woman, “business casual” is fraught with peril. Here is some handy advice for surviving — without a faux pas. [Corporette]

* Four ways Neil Gorsuch could ruin your life. Only four? [Rewire]

* This HIV-positive, former D.C. Biglaw attorney is putting his life back together — and writing about it. [Optimistic Despite It All]

* So you hired a white supremacist! A thoughtful consideration of the legal and practical ramifications of employing a white supremacist. [Harvard Business Review]

* Are you the proud owner of a fancy new iPhone X? Here’s how to keep the police out of it. [Versus Texas]

* Congratulations to Precedent Magazine on ten great years of covering the Canadian legal scene! [Precedent]

* Interested in volunteering at a DACA renewal clinic? You can do it even if you’re not an immigration lawyer. Sign up here to get training and match with a site in need of your assistance. [Lawyers for Good Government]

* Adding healthy habits to your already packed schedule can seem like an impossible task, but you really can do it. [Corporette]

* Sad but true (and not at all surprising): Americans don’t know squat about the Constitution. [Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* Judge Jed Rakoff issues an important opinion outlining the contours of “fair use.” [Copyright Alliance]

* Biglaw behemoth Dentons has created a network to connect PR professionals. That’s an interesting move for a firm that already counts more than 7,000 lawyers under its umbrella. [Law and More]

* David Lat chats with employment lawyer Matt Steinberg about how transparency is transforming the employer/employee relationship. [Akerman]

* Northwestern Dean Dan Rodriguez perfectly sums up the California bar’s decision to punt on the cut score question. [PrawfsBlawg]

* The Equifax hack leaves 143 million people vulnerable. But the Equifax executives may end up the most vulnerable after they reacted to the breach by selling shares… fast. Oh, who are we kidding? This DOJ isn’t going to prosecute that! [Huffington Post]

* The Empire’s stormtrooper armor is really terrible. [The Legal Geeks]

* Professor Douglas Litowitz is on the law school job market, and he’s rejecting all rejection letters. “I wish them great success in placing their rejection letters with other candidates. I have simply received a sufficient number of excellent rejection letters already.” [Faculty Lounge]

* The University of Colorado faces a lawsuit over allegedly protecting a football coach over an a domestic abuse survivor. No one ever lost money betting against schools changing their cultures on a dime, but honestly we’re not far removed from the last round of lawsuits about the school’s hostile environment. [Rewire]

* How much do you know about “The Reid Method”? Wyatt Kozinski (Judge Kozinski’s son) calls for a new “Wickersham Commission” to investigate the method’s role in a spate of false confessions undermining the credibility of the criminal justice system. That said, the President’s first foray into politics was calling for executions based on false confessions, so maybe we shouldn’t hold our breaths for this commission. [The Crime Report]

* Irma threatens lives… and the return of an overused metaphor. [Law and More]

* Speaking of hurricanes, Harvey has spawned its first lawsuit. [The Atlantic]

* Another edition of “bad places to hide.” [Lowering the Bar]

* Congratulations to lawyer Anthony Franze, author of The Outsider (affiliate link), on the thriller getting picked up for possible television development! [Deadline]

This week in the legal blogosphere….

* Everyone gets their day in arbitration really doesn’t have a great ring to it. But, Benchmark Capital’s lawsuit against former Uber head Travis Kalanick is headed there anyway. [Law and More]

* New York City Department of Education Chancellor Carmen Farina spoke at New York Law School about the partnerships and programs that create a truly comprehensive education for public school kids. Anyone interested in the state of public education should pay attention to Farina’s remarks. [Cityland]

* “I betrayed my people and will be known as a modern day Dathan, all for tax cuts, but all I got was this stupid hat” — Gary Cohn soon. [The Levin Report]

* Is the judge in Senator Menendez’s trial unfairly disenfranchising voters by preventing him for attending Senate votes? [The Hill]

* Remember William C. Bradford? Well, he says it was the hackers who made his account call Obama’s mother a whore. That sounds totally plausible! [CNN]

* Law student caught on video trying to burn money in front of a homeless man won’t be expelled. He’s a still a dick though. [Legal Cheek]

* Judge Harold Murphy took senior status at 90. A look back at a distinguished career. [Bloomberg BNA]

* Another reminder that doing good usually puts you behind the 8 ball financially. [Medium]

* Trump is ready to pardon Joe Arpaio. Senate Republicans get ready to shrug their shoulders and say “As long as the GOP has a strategy to prevent Latinos from voting, this will not be a problem.” [CNN]

* Trump is ready to end DACA. Senate Republicans get ready to shrug their shoulders and say “Seriously Kris Kobach, this whole “Latinos don’t get to vote” plan REALLY needs to work now.” [NBC News]

* Every extreme weather event now results in the same conversation:
Media: Did global warming cause this [thing that happens from time-to-time]
Scientists: No. Climate Change doesn’t work like that. Probably makes things worse though.
Trumpsters: TOLD YOU. #ClimateChangeHoax #GodsWill #MAGA #WaitWhatIsFloodInsurance? [Quartz]

* The stupid Zillow case, where plaintiffs argued that the “Zestimate” made their homes harder to sell, has been tossed in federal court. And by “stupid” I mean “Zestimate overvalues my house by like 30% and I’m seriously considering selling before they fix their algorithm.” [Crain’s Business Review]

* Shorter Gary Cohn: I hate Nazis, but I also hate high taxes so… [Financial Times]

* Shorter GOP: The only thing that can defeat Nazis is tax cuts. [Levin Report]

* I’ll admit, I took the whole “Steve Mnuchin and his wife were in Kentucky on eclipse day to talk about tax reform and check in on Fort Knox” cover story for Louise Linton’s shopping trip at face value. Which was stupid. NEVER believe anything coming out of this administration. The Mnuchins were in Kentucky to watch the eclipse. [Fox News]

* Breitbart is awash in potshots at Gary Cohn. But further down, you find this perfect Breitbart story: “France’s Macron Spends £24,000 on Makeup in Three Months.” If these guys really want to be outraged, they should investigate how much Trump spends on his hair. [Breitbart]

* If you get hurt by a tree in New York City, who is going to pay your medical bills? [Cityland]

* I don’t care what anyone says, 100% Law & Order got me through Evidence. [Law and More]

* Now there’s a lawsuit to eliminate this shocking program. [SCOT Blog]

* Can you sell used MP3 files? (Legally, I mean.) [Copyright Alliance]

* Speaking of judges using their position to make changes… [Slate]

* Building meaningful mentoring relationships. [Legal Executive Institute]

* What are the best practices when conducting a multilingual document review? [United Language Group]

* This crazy story keeps getting more interesting. [Huffington Post]

* What tools do you use to stop overthinking? [Corporette]

* ESPN removed announcer “Robert Lee” from coverage of the University of Virginia’s opening football game because… well, there’s a “Robert E. Lee” statue in Charlottesville and ESPN just assumes that everybody in the country has CTE and can’t figure out what’s real life anymore. [Deadspin]

* Two more female law professors are suing the University of Denver for pay discrimination. [Law.com]

* The former head of the FBI, James Comey, will be giving the opening address at Howard University, the nation’s most well-known black college. The enemy of my enemy is my friend. [The Root]

* We move ever closer to Kris Kobach having the authority to throw away votes he doesn’t like. [Election Law Blog]

* Galaxy Note 8 is out. I’m giddy imagining what will be wrong with this one. “The stylus goes into tracheotomy mode if your breathing is obstructed to 8 seconds, or you just have a big gulp of water.” “The phone automatically switches to its orgasmic vibrate function, when in a pocket or low-light environment.” “It has dual cameras, one for you, and one for the NSA.” Being an early adopter on the 8 is like being a human test subject for anti-venom manufacturers. [CNET]

* “Research Finds Justifiable Homicide Rulings More Likely to Benefit White Americans.” Oh, I remember being a 1L. I remember sitting on my chaise lounge in my apartment, reading my Crim Law, when it really hit me that the entire concept of “reasonableness” was designed by white people to make it okay for them to slaughter any black man who they perceived as a “threat.” I remember my non-law-student white roommate telling me that I was surely misunderstanding my homework. I remember wondering if “anybody else was aware of this.” And I remember the pain of learning that everybody else knew the system worked this way but there was nothing to be done about it. I… really hated law school. Every casebook is like an acid enema to clear your system of its expectation of moral decency. [Law Street Media]

* Members of the Charlottesville City Council had to briefly hide from their own meeting as citizens lambasted them over their failures to protect the community. When they resumed, they quickly voted to remove the Confederate monuments that served as a rallying cry for alt-right and neo-Nazi activists. Keep trying to figure out which way your people are running so you can lead them, local pols. [CBS News]

* Dear police officers, I’m going to make this really simple for you. If your “color” comes off when you DO THE GODDAMN LAUNDRY… you’re not a “race.” Nobody is being “racist” towards you. If people don’t like you, it’s because of something you did, or something people who wear your uniform did. People don’t hate you because you’re “blue.” People hate you because you’re the Yankees — only you get to kill people. [Independent]

* I didn’t know that some of George Washington’s dentures were made from slave teeth. I mean, I know that’s not the point of this excellent strip, but… dude, slave teeth, man. [The Oatmeal]

* Here’s an obligatory link to something about Afghanistan. [Foreign Policy]

* Lawyers are pretty satisfied with their careers. Disclosure: I’m buddies with the professor who did the study, but that’s not why I’m positively disposed to its results. I’m happy that lawyers are (relatively) happy because WE NEED THEM TO FIGHT NOW, and happy warriors are the best ones. [TaxProf Blog]

* In the second item here, Matt Levine expresses his displeasure with the increasing scope of “securities fraud” lawsuits. [Bloomberg View]

* Millennials would rather be fired over text than in person? What? The only good thing about being fired is that look on your boss’s face when he realizes that some of his office furniture is about to get smashed to bits. [CNBC]

* So we care about science today? Okay. Medical exemptions to school vaccinations are soaring in California, now that personal exemptions are not being offered. [Scienceblogs]

* Sam Clovis thinks that legalized same-sex marriage could lead to legalized pedophilia. Luckily, he’s just Trump’s pick to be “chief scientist for the Department of Agriculture.” He’s free to slut shame all the asexually reproductive plants he wants, they’re not going to listen to him. [CNN]

* About once a year, I feel the need to remind people that Charles Barkley is not my president. [The Root]

* Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin is trying to explain to his Yale classmates why he is NOT resigning from the Trump administration. It’s not a novel argument: I’m not here for the Nazi sympathizing, but for what’s really important… tax cuts. [Vox]

* Confederate statues = bad. Voter suppression by Confederates against minorities = worse. [Election Law Blog]

* Robert Mueller’s investigation is so coming for Don Trump Jr. [BuzzFeed]

* The first letter of every paragraph in this rebuke to President Trump from the President’s Committee on the Arts and Humanities spell out the word “Resist.” That’s putting your English degree to its highest possible use. [Politico]

* “[The Statue to Stephen Foster] was commissioned in 1900 by a local newspaper editor who imagined Foster, ‘catching the inspiration for his melodies from the fingers of an old darkey reclining at his feet strumming negro airs upon an old banjo,’ per a 2010 City Paper article.” The “culture” some people are defending is embarrassing for y’all. [Very Smart Brothers]

* This is why we can’t have nice things like democracy vouchers. Alternative headline: we can have democracy vouchers and catch the people who try to abuse them. [Election Law Blog]

* The ABA is rolling out a “fact check” website for the public looking for legal information. It’s an interesting idea. I wonder if they should do it for law schools? Hmm… if only there were some body, some “accreditation association” of some kind, that could professionally fact check law schools, and deny an imprimatur of legitimacy on schools that routinely mislead their students. I’m telling you, the ABA might be onto something here. [Simple Justice]

* I’m in the Daily Caller pooping on Roger Taney. I’m sure no minds have been changed but, hey, Dred Scott didn’t win either. [Daily Caller]

* Cass Sunstein heroically managed to talk about infrastructure. [Bloomberg View]

* This is probably the first day that I’ve been excited to check in with Breitbart. “Get Ready For Bannon The Barbarian,” they say. Yeah. This popcorn is so good, you guys. [Breitbart]

* Which celebrity court appearances were the very best? [Jezebel]

* What’s in a name? The legal battle over the trademark for “Charlotte.” [The Fashion Law]

* Going crazy waiting for bar exam results? Some tips to get through the waiting game. [Excellence in Law School]

* A law prof asks: Should I retire? [TaxProf Blog]

* ICYMI, here’s a recap of yesterday’s #LegalCareerChat on Twitter, with our very own David Lat. [ABA Legal Career Central]

* The crimes in Charlottesville could be prosecuted as hate crimes. They won’t, but they could. [The Hill]

* The role of income inequality in criminal justice reform. [Harvard Magazine]

* A look at voting rights litigation under President Trump. [Take Care]

* Not wasting any time: Judge Amul Thapar, recently confirmed to the Sixth Circuit, authors his first published opinion as a member of that court. [How Appealing]

* “Can private employers fire employees for going to a white supremacist rally?” It depends, as Eugene Volokh explains. [Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* Joel Cohen explores special counsel Robert Mueller’s decision to impanel a grand jury in D.C. [Huffington Post]

* Neha Sampat identifies three ways to hire resilient lawyers — and the benefits to diversity of focusing on resilience. [Law Practice Today]

* Adam Feldman looks at which lower-court judges see their dissents most often vindicated at the Supreme Court. [Empirical SCOTUS]

* Gerard Magliocca raises some interesting issues about possible ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA). [Concurring Opinions]

* Unwilling to relinquish his 15 minutes of fame, Anthony Scaramucci goes for laughs with Stephen Colbert. [The Hollywood Reporter]

* If, and admittedly that’s a big if, Donald Trump gets impeached, Mike Pence will be ready. Just ask his personal PAC. [Huffington Post]

* Check out these tax professor rankings. [TaxProf Blog]

* Should the 1st Amendment trump the 2nd Amendment? It is first, after all. [Slate]

* Someone has had it with free speech absolutism. [Richmond.com]

* Are you ready to go off the grid? [Law and More]

* No good will come from this lawsuit. [Salon]

* This is what Trump should have said. [Dorf on Law]