Non-Sequiturs

* 7 tips for surviving the first week of law school. Apparently tip #7 is “proofread numbered lists better.” [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News]

* Lost in the controversy over Trinity Western Law School and bigotry is the fact that it may not really be a good law school. [The Province]

* A conservative UChicago Law student explains why The Book of Mormon signals the fall of society. The essay is almost as funny as the show itself. [Red State]

* A crowdsourcing call for help in getting a “vexatious litigant” order against a particularly troublesome individual. If you’re interested in helping out, check this out. [Popehat]

* Not only is NYC routinely sued, but the city releases helpful reports containing “a bevy of settlement data.” [LFC360 / Legal Funding Central]

* Here are the five jobs that can ruin your social life. I wonder if lawyers are on here…. [Yahoo! Education]

* Suit filed questioning the parentage of Blue Ivy Carter. Plaintiff claims to be the real… mother? Hm. You’d think that would be pretty easy for everyone to remember. [International Business Times]

* The Washington D.C.-area NFL team has filed suit to get its trademark back. They think the USPTO are Indian Givers. [DCist]

* The ACLU is asking courts to define “freedom of the press” in the wake of Ferguson. I understand their impulse, I just don’t think they’re gonna like the answer. [Fox2Now]

* A 71-year-old lawyer allegedly called two escorts over to his house and they asked for more money. Even for rich lawyers it’s the principle of the thing. [South Florida Lawyers]

* Sad to see Professor Larry Tribe join the “let’s blame the teachers instead of funding public schools” parade. But now that he’s become a high-profile supporter of ending tenure for those teaching the young, perhaps he’ll renounce his own tenure. Or at least fight to revoke it from all his colleagues. [National Law Journal]

* A Colombian lawyer is suing FIFA for $1.3 billion over bad officiating. Of all the things FIFA deserves to get sued over, this isn’t making the list. [Washington Post]

* Congratulations to Rob Manfred, a Harvard Law grad formerly of Morgan Lewis, on his promotion to MLB Commissioner. He will continue the proud tradition of keeping us bored all summer long while we wait for football to come back. [New York Times]

* New lawsuit says Google kept records of plans to infringe intellectual property… on Post-Its. Unwise. Office supplies are for back-to-school shopping, not writing down wrongful acts. [Valleywag]

* If you’re a current 3L or a law grad about to come off a clerkship, NOAA has a job opportunity for you. Imagine how exciting it will be when the next Sharknado happens! [USAJobs via NOAA]

* A murder suspect grabbed his phone and asked Siri to help him dispose of a dead body. I’ll bet Siri gave him s**tty directions on doing that, too. [USA Today] UPDATE 8/14/14 5:16 p.m.: Hey what do you know, USA Today is overselling the story a tad! Still, someone performed this search and he seemed to approve enough to have the photo.

* Criminal defeated by the same dastardly device that plagued a famous Far Side cartoon. [Lowering the Bar]

* Congratulations to Brooklyn Law School’s BLIP clinic for successfully fighting off a patent troll. How’s that for practical law school experience! [Medium]

* “As long as there is demonstrated interest and commitment by sufficiently financed local owners and a dedicated, passionate local fan base, leagues prefer not to move teams.” So says Buffalo Law professor Nellie Drew. Shhh. Don’t tell her about where the Baltimore Ravens came from, it would break her heart. [University of Buffalo]

* We get more worked up about law students charged with crimes. Like murder and arson. I mean, obviously Above the Law does because that’s part of our beat, but I mean “we” as in everybody. Why is that? [Law and More]

* Avvo just released a new iPhone app for lawyers. Among the new features is an opportunity to be alerted as soon as a question in your practice area is asked. [Avvo]

* Ha. This cartoon. [Twitter]

* After a two-year absence, we welcome VC Deal Lawyer back to blogging! [VC Deal Lawyer]


* Maybe you weren’t excited about Hofstra Law School, but did you hear they now have bean bag chairs in the library? Well, that changes everything! [Virtual Library Cat's Eye View]

* An interview with Peter Kalis on the future of Biglaw, in which he states, “I cross bridges and burn them behind me.” Flame on! [Forbes]

* This essay sums up so much about the state of America through the lens of the killing of Michael Brown. [The Concourse]

* While we focused on the tale of Judge Mark Fuller, who spent some time in jail on a domestic violence accusation, he may be part of a trend — Judge Lance Mason was charged with felonious assault after allegedly punching and biting his wife while they were driving. Biting? [Cleveland Plain Dealer]

* Have you ever wondered how every law school can give its students “excellent” educations? [The Legal Watchdog]

* Failed Mississippi candidate Chris McDaniel is challenging a bunch of votes. Including his own lawyer’s. [Wonkette]

* Tim Corcoran, President of the Legal Marketing Association, chides state bar associations for meddling with the evolution of the legal profession. Video after the jump…. [Mimesis Law]

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O. Henry considers the ramifications of rain on his wedding day.

* Intellectual property lawyer chastised for plagiarism. Repeatedly. As they say, it’s like O. Henry and Alanis Morissette had a baby and named it this exact scenario. [Retraction Watch]

* Legislator blocks an award to a wrongfully convicted man who served 11 years in prison because he thinks the guy should just feel lucky that he got released. His reasoning will surprise you… mostly because he doesn’t really offer any. [The Arkansas Project]

* Mike Spivey of Spivey Consulting is racing a 5K on Vail Mountain (at an elevation of 10,000 feet) as a fundraiser for Law School Transparency. Give your donations here. [Fundrazr]

* The family of the woman who posed for the iconic advertising character Aunt Jemima have sued alleging that the pancake peddlers screwed the model out of her duly earned money. [TMZ]

* A mystery woman has been sitting in an Ohio jail cell for weeks after trying to use false documents to get a driver’s license. Now it turns out that she’s a disgraced lawyer that we’ve heard of before…. [WINK News]

* The seeds of Halbig were sown a really long time ago. It’s a wonderful window into how a cynical gang of people make their plans. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

* Our friends from Aukland Law School that have given us parody videos of Royals and Blurred Lines have tackled House of Cards and adapted it to making your way into Biglaw. If you were wondering what a New Zealand accent impersonating Kevin Spacey impersonating a Southern accent would sound like, the video is after the jump…. [YouTube]

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* Jury writes judge a note asking for a “big bottle of wine.” It’s gonna be a long night. [Southern District of Florida Blog]

* As it turns out, some Redditors are morons who don’t understand law. Glad we cleared that up. [The Concourse]

* There’s a Kickstarter for an Ally McBeal podcast. If you love talking about unisex bathrooms, here’s a golden opportunity. [Kickstarter]

* Attention law students: there’s a $500 prize in it if you can craft a winning blog post. [The Expert Institute]

* Terrible, terrible advertising. [Copyranter]

* A Simpson Thacher associate is planning to row across the Atlantic to support cancer research. [Remacae]

* These teacher tenure suits are so stupid and completely miss the real reason public schools have trouble. And the lead plaintiff inadvertently confessed just how off the mark he is. [Washington Post]

* AMC released the teaser for Better Call Saul. After the jump… [via Time Magazine]

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* It’s not that Justice Kennedy cares more about gay rights than women’s rights, it’s that Justice Kennedy understands gay rights better than women’s rights. That’s a much less charitable but shorter read of this insightful piece by a former Kennedy clerk. [Dorf on Law]

* The judge caught making racist and sexist remarks about Charlize Theron’s adoption has been banned from the bench. He wants to be judged on more than this incident. To quote Dr. Hibbert: “And hillbillies want to be called ‘Sons of the Soil’, but it ain’t gonna happen.” [Associated Press via Yahoo! News]

* Adam Carolla is keeping his fight against patent trolls alive. Ziggy socky ziggy socky hoy hoy hoy! [Mashable]

* Yesterday, the man who shot young Renisha McBride for knocking on his door was convicted of second-degree murder. Sadly, it was just one more in a string of cases where some idiot bought into the rhetoric of shooting first and asking questions later that gun lobbyists have pushed for years. [New York Times]

* Here’s something, a former law firm CIO wrote a novella called I Spy, You Spy, We All Spy (affiliate link) based on the allegedly true events of the “law firm spying on its own lawyers, employees and some of its employees’ family members.” Delightful. [Amazon]

* “Why Young Lawyers Shouldn’t Hate Hate Hate Baby Boomers Holding On to Jobs.” OK, I’ll go back to hating them for being the self-absorbed Me Generation that made Gordon Gekko a role model. [Law and More]

* At oral argument in the marriage equality cases, the lawyers and the Sixth Circuit exhibited… a lot of misconceptions. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

* The battle over the EPA’s Carbon rules isn’t over yet. Gear up for a Supreme Court trip. [Breaking Energy]

* Do you need to know how to pronounce the SCOTUS case of Volkswagenwerk Aktiengesellschaft v. Schlunk? There’s an app for that. [Law Technology News]

* The new icon of the Islamic State is a hipster with a law degree. Where’s his Career Alternatives piece? (Alternate quips: For his money, the evening call to prayer must be on vinyl. When decrying alcohol as sinful, he prefers PBR. The scimitar in that picture is from the vintage store. Which direction is Mecca from the Williamsburg Bridge?). [The Telegraph]

* A high school teacher showed up to work intoxicated and without pants on the first day on the job. And thus ends Elie’s career as a high school teacher. [CBS Houston]

* Google is tipping off authorities about criminal activity in Gmail accounts. I believe this message is brought to you by Hotmail. [CNBC]

* Smaller law firms are capturing more and more M&A work per a study by CounselLink. Biglaw may be coming “back” when it comes to hiring, but the trend of clients shifting work to smaller firms continues. [Wall Street Journal]

* We talk a lot about the justice gap in this country. Now some enterprising Utah lawyers are out there making legal services affordable. [The Atlantic]

* “This is not a life story that will end well.” Indeed. [Law Lemmings]

* Thanks to Betterment for sponsoring a great event last night with expert in-house counsel on becoming a startup company lawyer. Check out what you missed. [Betterment]

* A video of Notorious RBG describing the 2013-14 Term. She also explains her approval of the title of Derrick Wang’s opera Scalia/Ginsburg. Embed below…. [Derrick Wang]

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* Donald Trump is suing to get his name removed from the Trump Plaza and Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City because his reputation is tarnished by tacky façades dedicated to giving off the mere illusion of success. [Bloomberg Businessweek]

* Beset by corruption allegations, Governor Cuomo is using funds out of his campaign war chest to fund his defense rather than squandering taxpayer dollars. Ball’s in your court neighboring state governor. [North County Public Radio]

* Beau Brindley, a benchslap legend, is now the subject of his very own federal criminal probe after allegedly encouraging a client to lie under oath. A tipster told us last year “this won’t be the last you hear of [Brindley].” How prophetic. [Chicago Sun-Times]

* The woman given a forced blow job simulation for the glory of a 7-inch Burger King burger is speaking out. [Copyranter]

* The Women’s World Cup is scheduled for next year in Canada, but a number of high-profile players are threatening — with the help of Boies, Schiller & Flexner and Canadian firm Osler, Hoskin & Harcourt — to sue FIFA for discrimination over its plan to subject the women’s tournament to artificial turf. Are you suggesting FIFA is a disastrously flawed organization? Get out. [Fox Sports]

* Guess what? Your insurance company isn’t made up of the worst people on the planet. Unless you use this insurance company. Because then, maybe it is. [Gawker]

* A Harvard Law grad wanted to install an intercom so he invented a system known as “Nucleus” that does the job for less than $200. [Technical.ly Philly]

* If you’re interested in the fun and exciting world of startups, head on out to Legal Tech SF’s Startup Weekend. It’s August 15-17 at Airbnb headquarters. I assume after August 17 the location reverts to the headquarters of some other company. [Legal Tech SF]

* CNN sued over claims that a correspondent bit EMTs at the embassy in Baghdad. And just like that, Baghdad isn’t looking so safe anymore. [MSN]

* Tea Party favorite Chris McDaniel has filed a legal challenge over the Mississippi GOP primary. It’s dumb. [KARN h/t Election Law Blog]

* The Wisconsin Supreme Court upheld the state’s restrictions on unions. Meanwhile the dissent relied on really weak arguments like “actual Supreme Court precedent.” [Labor Press]

* The immigration crisis has inspired Miami to establish a rocket docket, which is a useful response, so we should probably shut it down and encourage drunk militia members to get in boats or something. [Daily Business Review]

* Dan Markel was serving as a legal consultant to the defendants in that Orthodox divorce extortion case. [Village Voice]

* The legal conundra of The Guardians of the Galaxy. Poor Ronan… you plan one attempted genocide and the law is all over you. [The Legal Geeks]

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