Patti LaBelle

Kim Kardashian

* Deborah Batts, the first openly gay judge to serve on the federal bench, got married this weekend. We hope she doesn’t become the first openly gay federal judge to get divorced. [New York Times]

* Things are getting hairy for Kim Kardashian, and not just because she’s Armenian. A hair removal company is suing her, saying she’s lying about how she gets all of that hair off her body. [Fox News]

* Lori David: she’s every teenage boy’s dream, and every mother’s nightmare. A hot Texas mom has been banned from the internet after sexting naked pictures to her son’s friend. [Daily Mail]

Let’s see what else the ladies are up to this morning….

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Patti LaBelle (via Getty Images).

* “One man’s evil empire is another’s home team.” Working for Darth Skadden can make a lawyer switch to the dark side pretty quickly. The Sith must have great benefits. [New York Times]

* It’s more often that you find illegal immigrants waiting for you at Home Depot than illegal paint. [Los Angeles Times]

* Lawmakers in Connecticut make history with their mandate for paid sick days. Apparently they aren’t reading Jay Shepherd’s column — that, or they’re just spiteful. [Hartford Courant]

* You know, it’s hard out here for a pimp, especially when the California Supreme Court expects hos to sign non-compete agreements. [San Francisco Chronicle]

* An important memo for all bros: if you think you can sue Patti LaBelle and get away with it, you’re wrong. You will be sent into active duty. [New York Daily News]

* I, too, would be traumatized after trying to give a deer a pearl necklace. [New York Post]

* Sean Kingston may have to pay a fine for crashing in a manatee zone. This would provide more fodder for the commentariat if he had crashed in a walrus zone. [Digital Spy]

* In soviet Russia Florida, homeowner forecloses on you! What sweet, sweet justice it must be for a foreclosure defense attorney to have had a hand in this debacle. [Daily Mail]