* Martha Coakley joins BU Law faculty. A job she will somehow manage to lose in a landslide to an unqualified Republican. [Boston Globe] * You’ve heard all about the Ted Cruz birther controversy, but maybe Cruz is just being trolled for being such a tremendous dick while at Harvard Law School. [Needs Further Review] * […]
* Former Wisconsin District Attorney Ken "I Am The Prize" Kratz -- perhaps better known as the lead prosecutor in Netflix series "Making a Murderer" -- outlines nine reasons why Steven Avery is actually guilty, despite the convict's claims to the contrary. [The Wrap]
* Two law schools can expect to receive greater federal scrutiny when it comes to their student-aid dollars. Charleston Law and Thomas Jefferson Law join a host of for-profit beauty schools that will receive heightened cash monitoring. At least beauty school drop-outs have better job prospects. [Wall Street Journal via ABA Journal]
* More than 100 women lawyers, including former judges, law professors, and Biglaw partners, have filed an amicus brief with the Supreme Court, each detailing their own abortion stories in order to "humanize the issue." [National Law Journal; USA Today]
* DEY TERK ERR JERBS! A new presidential campaign ad for candidate Ted Cruz which discusses immigration features an "invasion" of foreign lawyers, bankers, and journalists entering the country illegally and taking American jobs. NOOOOO!!! [American Mirror]
* States that have legalized marijuana or are considering doing so are constantly making headlines, but it's time to highlight the states where the possibility of marijuana reform seems laughable. These are the 11 states likely to be the last to legalize it. [USA Today]
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* "People who have a dream of going to law school should go into it with their eyes wide open." In case you haven't heard, not all of the law school lawsuits were dismissed; in fact, one of them filed against Thomas Jefferson School of Law is going to trial in March. [ABC News]
* Dewey know which D&L defendant will likely be able to escape a retrial? It seems that Steven Davis, the failed firm's former chairman, may find himself on the receiving end of a deferred prosecution agreement instead. [DealBook / New York Times]
* At this point, it's anyone's best guess as to what the future of net neutrality may be: The FCC's latest proposal for equal treatment of internet traffic apparently left a bad taste in the D.C. Circuit's mouth during oral arguments at a recent hearing. [WSJ Law Blog]
* Baker & McKenzie used to be the largest law firm in the world before Dentons arrived on the scene, but now it's got its eyes on expansion in a territory that the Biglaw behemoth hasn't completely claimed: the United States. [Crain's Chicago Business]
* Give thanks, because according to the latest data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the legal sector added 600 jobs last month. If you've got a job on your Christmas wish list, Santa just might deliver one to you this year. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]
* John Stamos of Full House fame was formally charged with driving under the influence earlier this week following his arrest for erratic driving this summer. He faces up to six months in jail if convicted. We have faith that his beautiful hair will survive time in the slammer. [USA Today]
* While the vast majority of the law school lawsuits containing allegations related to deceptive employment statistics have been dismissed, a few are still alive and kicking. The very first one filed -- Alaburda v. Thomas Jefferson School of Law -- is heading to trial in 2016. [WSJ Law Blog]
* Trick or treat? Per federal prosecutors, former House Speaker Dennis Hastert will plead guilty before Halloween as part of a deal in his ongoing sexual misconduct hush-money case, but whether he’ll serve time is a question that’s yet to be answered. [Reuters]
* Headcount at real estate firms with once-prominent foreclosure practices continues to shrink thanks to the recession's end. To that effect, two Chicago firms have eliminated hundreds of positions for legal professionals since 2013. [Chicago Business Journal]
* Thanks to a new online system, Northwestern Law will be able to interview prospective students any time, anywhere. The school is the first in the country to offer awkward casting couch sessions as part of its admissions process. [Northwestern University News]
* Thanks to a former Skadden attorney's failed attempt to kill himself, police were able to retrieve a suicide note -- entitled "A Sad Ending to My Life" -- that revealed the lawyer's $5M Ponzi scheme. We may have more on this later. [Am Law Daily]
* "I’m not one who believes there are too many lawyers in the country," says Dean Thomas Guernsey of Thomas Jefferson Law. Conveniently, only 29% of TJSL's '13 grads are working in full-time, long-term jobs as lawyers. Kudos! [U-T San Diego]
* The government just paid the least amount of money to legal services contractors since 2008. As far as Biglaw firms are concerned, Curtis Mallet-Prevost posted "significant losses," receiving $2M less than it did in 2013. [National Law Journal]
* Because not everyone wears gas masks, a federal judge issued a temporary restraining order to keep police from using tear gas on peaceful protestors in Ferguson without first issuing "clear and unambiguous warnings." [WSJ Law Blog]
* Ladies and gentlemen, this is the main event of the evening! IT'S TIME! FIGHTING out of the blue corner, angry UFC combatants who are planning to use "renowned" antitrust firms to secure "hundreds of millions of dollars"! [Bloody Elbow / SB Nation]
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* The Sixth Circuit, in an opinion by Judge Jeff Sutton, just upheld four states’ bans on same-sex marriage. Next stop, SCOTUS? [BuzzFeed]
* JPMorgan Chase really doesn’t want people to hear this woman’s story. [Rolling Stone]
* Dating site busted for sharing users’ STD info. [Slate]
* If you’re opting for a life of crime, dream bigger. [Legal Juice]
* There’s a patent on filming yoga classes. So class, you’re going to transition from “downward dog” to “shameless patent troll.” [Lowering the Bar]
* The continued existence of Thomas Jefferson School of Law has spawned so many good lines. The Times compared the school to Dracula. Now Steven Harper describes it as “throwing furniture into the fireplace to keep the house warm.” [TaxProf Blog]
* Bingham McCutchen canceled its partnership retreat, and their partner offer letters from Morgan Lewis must be accepted by today’s deadline — all while a prospective merger currently hangs in the balance. [Am Law Daily]
* Per Altman Weil’s 2014 Chief Legal Officer Survey, the work at in-house legal departments is about to grow exponentially, while the spend on outside counsel will decrease in turn. Uh oh, no bueno. [Corporate Counsel]
* “The attempt to have the defendant have any kind of humility has failed.” Due to “unsatisfactory” apologies to state employees, former judge Joan Orie Melvin will have to re-apologize for her crimes. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]
* “A troubled law school is like Dracula: hard to kill.” In the wake of the Thomas Jefferson School of Law’s debt restructuring, it’s now obvious that law schools aren’t worth much at all. [DealBook / New York Times]
* Republicans are now in control in both the House and the Senate, but fear not, because the nation’s capital just legalized marijuana. That’ll help calm down the depressed D.C. Democrats out there. [CNN]
* Though it’s unlikely, thanks to this ruling, Anna Anna Anna Anna Anna Nicole’s lawyer/lover could be retried for allegedly giving illegally obtained prescriptions to the drug-addled model. [National Law Journal]
* Tinder’s cofounder apparently made a killing on her sexual harassment settlement with the company. Though no one admitted guilt, she reportedly took home “just over” $1M. Get it, girl. [Business Insider]
* Many lawyers may think that Biglaw is in recovery what with its record gross revenues and profits, but if you adjust the numbers for inflation, the overall picture looks pretty grim. Reality certainly does bite, folks. [American Lawyer]
* Please pay up and shut up: Alas, seven partners who sought to dismiss the clawback suits filed against them by failed firm Dewey & LeBoeuf’s bankruptcy liquidation trustee were denied in court this week. [WSJ Law Blog]
* Thomas Jefferson School of Law restructured its debt to avoid default, and now its dean has announced he doesn’t think the school’s enrollment will ever return to its former glory. Aww. [National Law Journal]
* Warren Gladders, the WUSTL Law grad turned bank robber, received 45 years in jail for his getaway shootout with the cops. It’ll run consecutively with his 24-year robbery sentence. [St. Louis Post Dispatch]
* The judge overseeing the Jodi Arias sentencing retrial made the unusual decision to bar the public from watching the testimony of the defense’s first witness. We’re now awaiting Nancy Grace’s anuerysm. [AP]
* As the World Series draws to a close, be sure to salute Miami-based lawyer Laurence Leavy, who will be sitting front and center behind home plate tonight wearing a garish Miami Marlins jersey. Troll so hard, buddy! [CBS Sports]
* Speaking of the World Series: Do you think you know the law? How about baseball? Here’s a Law and Baseball trivia competition in the form of a crossword. Act fast because the first one with a completed entry is declared the winner. [Dewey B Strategic]
* Thomas Jefferson School of Law restructures its debt and manages to stay alive! Oh happy day! [TaxProfBlog]
* Selling yourself is important, but NOT selling yourself may be more powerful. [Law and More]
* I suppose it shouldn’t be surprising, but there’s a hefty hiring and pay gap between the sexes in the expert witness industry. [The Expert Institute]
* Donald Trump’s “Trump University” can add “RICO defendant” to its list of accomplishments after a federal judge grants class certifications to students suing the school. [Law 360]
* A discussion of the lack of diversity on the Court cites our list of Supreme Court clerks and notes that Justice Clarence Thomas practices what he preaches about expanding opportunity beyond Harvard and Yale. [Los Angeles Times]
* Elie joined Daniel Gershburg on his podcast to discuss legal education, Vegas, and the phenomenon of Walmart Law, Inc. Podcast embedded below…. [I Am The Law Podcast]
* SCOTUS justices added 11 cases to this term’s docket yesterday following their megaconference earlier this week. Alas, no same-sex marriage cases have been added yet. [New York Times]
* The Fifth Circuit allowed Texas to enforce its new abortion clinic restrictions. The only thing that will stop its “devastating impact on abortion access” is SCOTUS intervention. [MSNBC]
* Two more women just joined the ranks of the highest tier of Biglaw firm leadership. Congrats to Jami Wintz McKeon of Morgan Lewis and Therese Pritchard of Bryan Cave. [WSJ Law Blog]
* Gibson Dunn poached a prominent partner from U.K. firm Ashurst following his fall from grace as its leader last year. He’s thrilled to work for “one of the strongest U.S. firms around.” [Am Law Daily]
* The Thomas Jefferson School of Law may be “California’s worst-performing law school,” but it certainly performs well in terms of providing entertainment for those who are big fans of schadenfreude. [City Journal]
* Many schools pay their grads to count them as employed — but not UNC Law. Its career services office is aware that “jobs don’t grow on trees,” but hey, at least they’re trying to be transparent. [Daily Tar Heel]