TSA

* Stab your lawyer with a pencil once, shame on you. Stab him a second time, shame on me. Stab him a third time, they will strap you to your chair with a “stun cuff” so it doesn’t happen a fourth time. [Legal Blog Watch] * (Crack) cocaine is a hell of a drug. [Legal Juice] * A first-person account of why you don’t ever, ever want to end up in central booking. [The Crown] * Telling opposing counsel you hope she “sleep[s] with the fishes” is mean and inappropriate. But on top of that, what the heck do you even stand to gain from saying that sort of thing? [Minneapolis StarTribune] * If you want to complain about racial profiling at airports, there’s an app for that! [Prawfsblawg] * To catch (an alleged) law school predator. Icky. [Delaware Online] * Seriously? This “Is it Kanye or the LSAT?” quiz is surprisingly tricky. [LSAT Blog]

* Dewey need to take a look at the Biglaw industry in general before more firms implode? Hell yes, says an author who’s written on the economics and management of law firms. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Wal-Mart was served with its first shareholder suit over its alleged bribery scandal, because the only thing on rollback this week is the price of the company’s stock shares. [Reuters]

* Does diplomatic immunity give you a free pass for getting handsy with the maid? Guess we’ll see next week, when a judge rules on DSK’s motion to dismiss his civil suit. [New York Daily News]

* As long as you’ve got money, the TSA will totally look the other way if you’ve got suitcases filled with drugs. Vibrators, on the other hand, are simply out of the question. [Bloomberg]

* As of yesterday, Connecticut became the seventeenth state to kill the death penalty. But not so fast, death row inmates. You still get to die. Isn’t that nice? [CNN]

* Franchise agreements be damned, because even judges can understand that sometimes, you just need to eat a delicious sandwich while you’re getting a lap dance. [KTVN]

* Nothing beats a calm, collected, religion-based benchslap of religious hypocrisy. [Tex Parte Blog] * If our parents hadn’t gotten us vaccinated, we’d fire them, too. Jenny McCarthy should jump into a freakin’ volcano. [Volokh Conspiracy] * It must be so hard to write fake news when it all starts coming true. [The Onion] * […]

Don’t you just hate it when rude and inefficient airline administrators ruin your vacation by stranding you on the ski leg of your vacation in Aspen, causing you to almost miss your cruise leaving out of Florida? It’s so annoying to have to stay in a series of luxury hotels across the country because the […]

* Dressing shrinks as wizards when they testify would be an AWESOME idea. I’m serious. Why can’t we have this? And titles, too. “Your Honor, I call Dr. Freud — Ph.D in weakness management and keeper of the sacred staffs of Ivory guard — to the stand.” [Overlawyered] * iTextbooks! Could be awesome, could widen […]

* A Pennsylvania appeals court ruled that selling sex for Phillies tickets doesn’t make you a prostitute. She was already a Phillies fan, so calling her a whore was redundant. [Legal Blog Watch] * Occupy Wall Street is looking for a few good accountants. Man, they are about six months from telling us that some […]

* Like many of the victims of Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi scheme, he and his wife contemplated suicide, too. But come on, why bother? Was career suicide just not good enough? [New York Times] * For Sale: One Illinois law license at discount price! Hasn’t been used in 15 years — almost like new. Slightly tarnished. […]

* The TSA must be stopped. They’re now leaving creepy notes when they spy personal items in your luggage. [Not So Private Parts / Forbes] * Law students, trust me, there’s nothing on your Facebook page that three more points on the LSAT won’t fix. [WSJ Law Blog] * Berkeley Law 1Ls are playing an […]

* Hey, Preet Bharara, even Lady Gaga can read your poker face when you’re going all in on an allegation of Full Tilt Ponzi. Maybe Lederer and Ferguson will finally fold. [Wall Street Journal] * You know what this country really needs? More doctors who don’t believe in science. Another stem cell research case is […]

* Now that the guy who invented the TSA admits he made a mistake, I think he and J. Robert Oppenheimer should get jackets made. Oppenheimer’s could say “I am become death.” The TSA guy’s says “I am become fear.” [Constitutional Daily] * Practicing financial services attorneys, be honest: regardless of your political affiliation you […]

Elie Mystal's objections to the TSA and the invasive search techniques they employ have been well documented on Above the Law. He believes their tactics are violative of our rights and would be deemed unconstitutional in any America where courts placed justice ahead of fear. He believes citizens who support these procedures do not deserve the liberty they so eagerly toss aside. And he believed all of that before he was actually molested by the TSA just last week....

* Prop 8 made an appearance today at the California Supreme Court before newly seated Justice Goodwin Liu. As suspected, the liberal Liu immediately made the proponents have sex with each other as he cackled “I hate families.” [Poliglot / Metro Weekly] * Next time a TSA agent sticks her hand down your pants and […]

* You don’t have the right to get half naked in an airport to protest the TSA’s policies. Aaron Tobey’s lawsuit has been stripped of its Fourth Amendment claims following a dismissal. [Washington Post] * Paul Ceglia has to give Facebook every email he’s exchanged since 2003. If Ceglia’s like most men, lawyers at Gibson […]

* I’m sure the soon-to-be first-year associates out there could use this guide on who to bill their hours to. [Going Concern] * Everybody has advice for when lawyers should step back and remain calm. When is the appropriate time for lawyers to freak out, start screaming and pounding things, and run around saying “we’re […]

* A judge will soon rule in the Aaron Tobey case. If you don’t remember, he’s the kid who stripped at the airport to protest the TSA. Because that wasn’t going to cause a scene. [Washington Post] * Diallo plans to introduce evidence of DSK’s alleged global history of sexual assaults at trial. The man’s […]

* I’m flying this weekend for the first time in over a year (it couldn’t be avoided). I’ll need to brush up on what rights I still retain during air travel. As long as I acknowledge TSA’s droit du seigneur to my wife, I’m allowed to carry an unopened water bottle on board, right? [Legal […]

Did JetBlue go too far in its passenger screening procedures? One New York woman alleges that a JetBlue employee demanded not just proof of identification, but proof of... panties.

We live in strange times. Unreasonable times. Times when the federal government has stopped rationally protecting people and started irrationally molesting people. What has the TSA done now?

* This Kentucky attorney is filing a new brief against the TSA, but not the kind that you’d expect. [Cincinnati Enquirer] * There used to be a street in Chicago named after Rahm Emanuel, but it was changed because nobody crosses Rahm Emanuel and lives. [Clout Street / Chicago Tribune] * Who wants to plug […]

* Got milk? Obama’s latest tax break gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “living off the government tit.” [Washington Post] * Joe Miller is hoping for a Christmas miracle because the Alaska Supreme Court gave his lawsuit the pink slip. [Los Angeles Times] * This holiday season, the TSA reminds you to leave […]