Virginia

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg

* President Obama suggested he may be able to nominate a new SCOTUS justice before he leaves office in 2017. When reached for comment, Justice Ginsburg noted: “Bitch, please.” [POLITICO]

* Chief Justice John Roberts has been asked to stay the Fourth Circuit’s decision as to Virginia’s same-sex marriage case, lest the state truly become a place for all lovers. [National Law Journal]

* Whitey Bulger is appealing his conviction, claiming he didn’t receive a fair trial because he wasn’t allowed to testify that a prosecutor who had since died once promised him immunity. Aww. [WSJ Law Blog]

* On the whole, school rankings matter generally, but law school rankings can be truly meaningful when it comes to getting a job after graduation. Don’t believe me? Check out these graphs. [Forbes]

* “They’re not the one if this fails will have a law degree that we cant do anything with.” Students at Concordia Law are starting to feel the pain of attending a yet-to-be accredited law school. [KBOI 2]

Say farewell to Cooley Law — j/k, it’ll always be Cooley.

* Cleary Gottlieb lost some historic cases during the first half of 2014, including one for $50 billion, but not to worry, “the firm is proud of the work Cleary lawyers do every day.” [Am Law Daily]

* The Fourth Circuit is refusing to issue a stay in Virginia’s gay marriage case, so the state will be for all lovers starting next week unless SCOTUS decides to step in. [National Law Journal]

* Thomas M. Cooley Law School has now officially become the Western Michigan University Thomas M. Cooley Law School. If only a new name could clear its reputation. [MLive.com]

* It’s not every day that a law student with a criminal history is arrested on murder charges, but Tuesday was that day for one student. We’ll have more on this later. [San Antonio Express-News]

* “Glass is built to connect you more with the world around you, not distract you from it.” Google sure is optimistic about Glass, but several states aren’t, and have already proposed driving bans. [WSJ Law Blog]

In some parts of the world, changing water into wine would be considered a gift. Divining alchemy, they would call it. They would lift you on their shoulders and crowd-surf you back into the kitchen… where they would chain you to the sink and put you to work for the rest of the party.

But in Virginia, damn man, in Virginia changing water into wine will get your ass shot. Or it will get you arrested. Or it will get you a $212,500 settlement when the state finally figures out, “Hey, this is just water.”

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Here is Virginia’s prostitution statute:

§ 18.2-346. Prostitution; commercial sexual conduct; commercial exploitation of a minor; penalties.

A. Any person who, for money or its equivalent, (i) commits adultery, fornication, or any act in violation of § 18.2-361, performs cunnilingus, fellatio, or anilingus upon or by another person, or engages in anal intercourse or (ii) offers to commit adultery, fornication, or any act in violation of § 18.2-361, perform cunnilingus, fellatio, or anilingus upon or by another person, or engage in anal intercourse and thereafter does any substantial act in furtherance thereof is guilty of prostitution, which is punishable as a Class 1 misdemeanor.

If you think that fully covers all reasonable definitions of “prostitution,” well then you probably have an uncreative mind and a boring sex life. Look, the law gets even more vague further down:

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “This Dominatrix Needs A Lawyer. Any Volunteers?”

Zachary Warren

* Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg may retire by the end of summer 2015, or she may retire by the end of summer 2017, or she may retire whenever she damn well pleases. For the love of God, please stop with this. [Legal Intelligencer]

* The Fourth Circuit appears to be split on Virginia’s gay marriage ban. The Tenth Circuit appeared to be split on Utah’s gay marriage ban. We’ll give you three guesses on the eventual Supreme Court outcome. [New York Times]

* Law deans lose their jobs when their schools drop in rank, and it seems Biglaw chairmen lose their titles when their firms post the worst single-year drop in revenue ever. Sorry Bingham McCutchen. [Am Law Daily]

* Ex-D&Ler Zach Warren wants to sever his case from the likes of Joel Sanders and the Steves, using a “guilt by association” argument. The only thing he’s guilty of is being too cute. [National Law Journal]

* The drama continues at Albany Law, where faculty members now face possible pay cuts or being put on unpaid leave following a “smear campaign” waged against Dean Penelope Andrews. [Albany Times Union]

Q: You can’t just have a bunch of clients with preexisting intentions to kill someone?

A: Yeah, that would certainly make things more risky for the firm.

– An exchange between Above the Law columnist Carolyn Elefant and Daily Show correspondent Jordan Klepper, in a segment about the trend of small law firms offering “self-defense retainer plans” for gun owners.

(Read more and watch the full, funny clip, after the jump.)

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Anna Nicole Smith

* Sonia Sotomayor has been dubbed as the “people’s justice” in a law professor’s article recently published in the Yale Law Journal Online. If only RBG had appeared on Sesame Street, the title could’ve been hers. Sigh. [WSJ Law Blog (sub. req.)]

* It’s a “procedural game-changer”: Virginia’s class action lawsuit against same-sex marriage has been stayed pending the outcome of the Fourth Circuit’s decision in the case that struck down the state’s ban on gay marriage. [Legal Times]

* “They’re certainly going to be very careful about biting the hand that feeds them.” Gibson Dunn & Crutcher, the firm behind the “Bridgegate” report that cleared Gov. Christie of wrongdoing, received $3.1M from New Jersey last year. [New Jersey Star-Ledger]

* Now that approximately 60 percent of compliance officers are women, in-house insiders are starting to wonder if the position is being reduced to “women’s work” — and not in a good way. [Corporate Counsel]

* Everyone involved in this case is dead, but it’s been hanging in the courts for more than a decade. Soon we’ll find out if Anna Nicole Smith’s ex-stepson will be sanctioned in the grave. [National Law Journal]

To paraphrase Saiontz and Kirk, if you have a gun, you have a lawyer.

And not just any lawyer, mind you, but former Virginia Attorney General and 2013 Republican gubernatorial candidate Ken Cuccinelli. Last week, the Washington Post reported that Cuccinelli and three colleagues opened a small firm, named Virginia Self-Defense Law (VSDL). The firm launched with a bang, triggering pot shots heard round the blogosphere. As Joe Patrice explained earlier today, VSDL targets gun-toting Virginia residents with legal retainer plans, starting at $8.33/month, that promise representation for self-defense or law enforcement harassment situations that arise out of the use of firearms.

For those unfamiliar with Virginia politics, Cuccinelli’s controversial political views have given his critics plenty of ammunition. But politics aside, does Cuccinelli’s retainer plan hit the mark as a sustainable or ethical business model? Let’s scope it out….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Is A Virginia Small Firm’s $8.33/Month Self-Defense Retainer Plan A Hit Or Miss?”

Were you concerned that Virginia’s former crusader Attorney General would have nothing to do in his forced retirement from public life? Well, Ken Cuccinelli may no longer have the power to waste taxpayer dollars to intimidate scientists researching global warming or crack down on oral sex, but he’s found a way to stay in our hearts by announcing a new publicity stunt serious law practice in Virginia.

He’s ready to collect your hard-earned dollars in return for providing you peace of mind in case you were scared that someday you’d haul off and assassinate a kid walking home through the “wrong” neighborhood and need to spend a small fortune on attorneys….

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Claire Ogilvie, in happier times

Sometimes the people we write about have reached a point in their lives when their cords to reality have snapped. It wasn’t always like this. They once had the capacity to attend and graduate from Ivy League schools and hold down employment at some of the most elite law firms on the planet. Their résumés were gleaming, as were their personalities. Now, they’re the subjects of criminal investigations.

Take, for example, the case of Claire Kennedy Ogilvie. She attended Yale University and George Washington Law, and then snagged a position as a patent attorney at Foley & Lardner. Once she decided she’d had enough of her litigious lifestyle, she quit and became a teacher.

And then, something happened. Ogilvie is currently being held without bond at the Albemarle Charlottesville Regional Jail on charges of burglary, abduction, and malicious wounding, all felonies, after allegedly breaking into a married man’s house and attacking his wife. Did we mention that this man is a major political player in Virginia?

Former Biglaw attorneys do the darndest things….

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