3 Things Law Students And Young Lawyers Can Learn From Sheryl Sandberg
Columnist Renwei Chung shares key takeaways from Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg's reflections on the passing of her husband.
“If the game shakes me or breaks me / I hope it makes me a better man / Take a better stand / Put money in my mom’s hand / Get my daughter this college grant so she don’t need no man.” — The Notorious B.I.G.
On Wednesday, Facebook’s Chief Operating Officer, Sheryl Sandberg, shared what she has learned from her husband Dave Goldberg’s passing in the hope that it could help others. She posted on Facebook, “I have lived thirty years in these thirty days [sheloshim]. I am thirty years sadder. I feel like I am thirty years wiser.” If you have a minute, then take the time to read Sandberg’s words of wisdom. I promise you will be glad you did. Here are some of my favorite passages:
1. Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help.
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“I have learned to ask for help — and I have learned how much help I need. Until now, I have been the older sister, the COO, the doer and the planner. I did not plan this, and when it happened, I was not capable of doing much of anything. Those closest to me took over. They planned. They arranged. They told me where to sit and reminded me to eat. They are still doing so much to support me and my children.”
No man or woman is an island. In the beginning of our legal careers, we don’t know what we don’t know. During my summer associate experiences, I have discovered that practically everyone in the office knows more about legal paperwork and processes than I do. Often times, the secretaries and assistants have years of subject-matter expertise that they are more than happy to share with those who are a little green behind the ears. This summer, many of us have or will have assigned mentors, but this shouldn’t prevent us from reaching out to others we find interesting or insightful. When we are working on a project or are stuck on a difficult problem, we shouldn’t wait until it is too late to seek assistance. Whether you are studying for the bar or working this summer, I’m sure your support structure is already helping you out in all sorts of ways. Make sure they know how much you appreciate their help!
2. Resilience Can Be Learned.
“I have learned that resilience can be learned. Adam M. Grant taught me that three things are critical to resilience and that I can work on all three. Personalization—realizing it is not my fault. He told me to ban the word ‘sorry.’ To tell myself over and over, this is not my fault. Permanence — remembering that I won’t feel like this forever. This will get better. Pervasiveness — this does not have to affect every area of my life; the ability to compartmentalize is healthy.”
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On Wednesday, I asked an informal mentor to coffee. She shared stories with me of how hard her first year in law was and how she learned to be resilient. This week, I read a spotlight article on Vivian Graubard, the founding member of the United States Digital Service at The White House and former Senior Advisor to the United States Chief Technology Officer. She stated, “[f]rom a very young age, my parents taught me that you just have to take everything that comes your way and find a way to work through it… no matter what.” Her ability to deal with setbacks and soldier on throughout her career is the epitome of resilience. Yesterday, I had the opportunity to hear Rabia Chaudry speak about her podcast Undisclosed, the podcast Serial, and her friend Adnan Syed. She talked about how Syed has found peace in prison and remains hopeful for his release. Resilience isn’t just a tool for success, it’s a survival mechanism. Most of us won’t have to develop the resilience to deal with prison, but hopefully we can develop enough resilience to endure and overcome the rest of life’s hardships.
3. If Option A is not available, then kick the s**t out of Option B.
“I was talking to one of these friends about a father-child activity that Dave is not here to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, ‘But I want Dave. I want Option A.’ He put his arm around me and said, ‘Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the s**t out of Option B.’”
They say if you want to make God laugh just tell him your plans. Option B is often the result of what we perceive as an unanswered prayer. But in reality, some of the most successful people and successful companies were denied their Option A and are stronger because of it. In his book Rebounders: How Winners Pivot from Setback to Success (affiliate link), Rick Newman outlines how virtually anybody can improve their resilience and get better at turning adversity into personal and professional achievement. He describes how we can use setbacks as a “secret weapon” and how we can “own the suck.” He writes, “When faced with true hardship, taking command of the pain and sorrow — rather than letting it command you — lays the groundwork for ultimately rising above it.” Yesterday during her introduction to us, Rabia Chaudry said, “It is crazy that I’m speaking to your firm this week and Skadden next week because when I graduated y’all wouldn’t even interview me. Now you are paying me to speak to you!” Sometimes life’s greatest blessing is an unanswered prayer.
As I have previously mentioned, I believe we can gain just as much wisdom from the death of our loved ones as we gain from our various life experiences. I hope it doesn’t take the death of a loved one for others to learn these life lessons.
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Rest in peace David Goldberg and Hae Min Lee.
Renwei Chung is a 2L at Southern Methodist University School of Law. He has an undergraduate degree from Michigan State University and an MBA from the University of Chicago. He is the author of The Golden Rule: How Income Inequality Will Ruin America (affiliate link). He has been randomly blogging about anything and everything at Live Your Truth since 2008. He was born in California, raised in Michigan, and lives in Texas. He has a yellow lab named Izza and enjoys old-school hip hop, the NBA and stand up paddleboarding (SUP). He is really interested in startups, entrepreneurship, and innovative technologies. You can contact Renwei by email at projectrenwei@gmail.com, follow him on Twitter (@renweichung), or connect with him on LinkedIn.
