Dear readers,
It’s hard to believe but there are just 17 days left in 2015. I feel melancholy swirled with an underlying joy and hopefulness.
I’ve been sitting with this question of what do I want to release and what do I want to welcome? And as we move towards the end of 2015, I invite you to pause and reflect as well. Ask yourself what do I desire?
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Looking Back — Releasing 2015
Releasing or letting go of those things that you know you should or those things that are no longer serving you. I liken this to spring cleaning — finally getting rid of the clothes in the back of your closet that are two sizes too small that you haven’t been able to fit into in five years. This can’t be done through brute force but rather, through gentleness.
Last week, I made the decision to quit law. (You can read more about that here.) It’s a transition that I knew I needed to make for many years — a foregone conclusion, really — yet, I delayed, I kept reconsidering.
A few years ago, I started feeling an incredibly high level of discontentment in my life. Actually, if I’m being really honest about it, I’ve been discontent for many, many years, but living in a fog of denial. Then one day, I realized I was really miserable. I think many of us live with this nagging sense that something must change, or something isn’t as it should be, but we just continue to travel down the same path, perhaps because it’s familiar. For lawyers, we love stare decisis, so we also have a tendency to double down and do more of the thing that we know isn’t working.
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However, there’s also a natural unfolding that must happen in major life transitions. A certain amount of discomfort, impatience, frustration, pain, and other emotions are necessary. The key lies in how we embrace these difficult feelings and periods of uncertainty. Can you meet it with curiosity or do you push it away?
Looking Forward — Welcoming 2016
This is a wonderful time of the year to reflect. The New Year promises an opportunity for change, an opportunity for a better way to live, an opportunity to do things differently. Start with the question: what do I desire? I don’t mean superficial desires like desiring more ice cream. I mean, is there a yearning for something more? Something different? Another more drastic way of saying it might be, if you knew you only had another year (or fill in whatever timeframe you wish), would you live as you are now? Then consider that none of us know how many days we have left.
Perhaps it’s a function of aging, but I notice an increased sense of urgency to live life more fully, to pay closer attention to life’s many details. Paying attention also necessarily requires that I no longer live in a fog of denial. I can’t ignore the nagging feeling that I am not doing the work I am meant to do.
The word desire can be a scary thing to contemplate. In fact, you may have a lot of negative connotations around it. We’re taught to suppress, ignore, or deny our desires. Self-discipline is of course necessary to get things done, to achieve success, to not become a slob that sits in front of the TV all day, gorging on ice cream and potato chips. However, I find that many lawyers (my former self, included) don’t allow any room for desires — including that deeper yearning for something more, something different. This is perhaps the greatest tragedy of any human — to go through life without realizing her full potential.
So, my dear readers, start paying attention to yourself — your life. What are those things you would like to release? What do you desire for 2016? What would you like to invite into your life?
Feel free to drop me an email at [email protected] and share. I wish you much happiness and joy!
Earlier: Why Are You Here? Living Your Life’s Purpose
Jeena Cho is the author of the upcoming American Bar Association book, The Anxious Lawyer: An 8-Week Guide to a Happier, Saner Law Practice Using Meditation (affiliate link). She offers training programs and coaching on stress management, work/life balance, and creating a sustainable law practice using mindfulness. She’s the host of the Resilient Lawyer podcast. She practices bankruptcy law with her husband in San Francisco, CA.