2012: Departure Memo of the Day: Parenting Gets The Best Of One Biglaw Associate
A female associate at Clifford Chance decided that she’d had enough of feeling like a bad employee or a bad parent for not being able to do it all. In a firmwide departure memo, she outlined a timeline of her usual day, beginning at 4:00 a.m. and ending at 1:00 a.m. Do all mothers working in Biglaw have such grueling schedules? Are Biglaw firms doing all they can to alleviate at least some of the stress working parents are facing on a daily basis? Here’s what a harrowing day in her life looked like before she decided to throw in the towel:
A day in the life of Ms. X (and many others here, I presume):
4:00am: Hear baby screaming, hope I am dreaming, realize I’m not, sleep walk to nursery, give her a pacifier and put her back to sleep
4:45am: Finally get back to bed
5:30am: Alarm goes off, hit snooze
6:00am: See the shadow of a small person standing at my bedroom door, realize it is my son who has wet the bed (time to change the sheets)
6:15am: Hear baby screaming, make a bottle, turn on another excruciating episode of Backyardigans, feed baby
7:00am: Find some clean clothes for the kids, get them dressed
7:30am: Realize that I am still in my pajamas and haven’t showered, so pull hair back in a ponytail and throw on a suit
8:00am: Pile into the car, drive the kids to daycare
8:15am: TRAFFIC
9:00am: finally arrive at daycare, baby spits up on suit, get kids to their classrooms, realize I have a conference call in 15 minutes
9:20am: Run into my office, dial-in to conference call 5 minutes late and realize that no one would have known whether or not I was on the call, but take notes anyway
9:30am: Get an email that my time is late, Again! Enter my time
10:00am: Team meeting; leave with a 50-item to-do list
11:00am: Attempt to prioritize to-do list and start tasks; start an email delegating a portion of the tasks (then, remember there is no one under me)
2:00pm: Realize I forgot to eat lunch, so go to the 9th floor kitchen to score some leftovers
2:30pm: Get a frantic email from a client needing an answer to a question by COB today
2:45pm: postpone work on task number 2 of 50 from to-do list and attempt to draft a response to client’s question
4:30pm: send draft response to Senior Associate and Partner for review
5:00pm: receive conflicting comments from Senior Associate and Partner (one in new version and one in track changes); attempt to reconcile; send redline
5:30pm: wait for approval to send response to client; realize that I am going to be late picking up the kids from daycare ($5 for each minute late)
5:50pm: get approval; quickly send response to client
6:00pm: race to daycare to get the kids (they are the last two there)
6:30pm: TRAFFIC with a side of screaming kids who are starving
7:15pm: Finally arrive home, throw chicken nuggets in the microwave, feed the family
7:45pm: Negotiate with husband over who will do bathtime and bedtime routine; lose
8:00pm: Bath, pajamas, books, bed
9:00pm: Kids are finally asleep, check blackberry and have 25 unread messages
9:15pm: Make a cup of coffee and open laptop; login to Citrix
9:45pm: Citrix finally loads; start task number 2
11:30pm: Wake up and realize I fell asleep at my desk; make more coffee; get through task number 3
1:00am: Jump in the shower (lord knows I won’t have time in the morning)
1:30am: Finally go to bedREPEAT
2013: Biglaw Memo From Top Firm Advises That Women ‘Don’t Giggle,’ Don’t ‘Show Cleavage’
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From the same firm that produced the departure memo seen ’round the world comes what’s perhaps one of the most sexist memos we’ve ever seen — and it came from the Clifford Chance Women’s Committee. Associates across all of the firm’s U.S. offices received this memo, entitled “Presentation Tips for Women,” and we immediately began to receive emails from its irate recipients, with one noting that “female associates are very upset by not only the elementary nature of the tips themselves, but the suggestion that these would only apply to women. We have never been a very female friendly firm, but this is beyond the pale.” The memo in question contained some of the following tips, and then some. So, uh, like, don’t you think this is offensive?
• “Like” You’ve got to Lose “Um” and “Uh,” “You Know,” “OK,” and “Like.”
• Think Lauren Bacall, not Marilyn Monroe.
• Don’t giggle; Don’t squirm; Don’t tilt your head.
• Practice hard words.
• Wear a suit, not your party outfit.
• No one heard Hillary the day she showed cleavage.
(Flip through the following pages to see the rest of the most depressing stories related to women in the law over the course of the last 10 years.)
Staci Zaretsky is an editor at Above the Law. Feel free to email her with any tips, questions, or comments. Follow her on Twitter or connect with her on LinkedIn.