Alright Stephen R. Williams, fellow ATL columnist, prepare to be the Jay-Z to my Nas. This past week Stephen wrote a column entitled Baggy Jeans Are OK for Moms and Dads, Not Attorneys. I have so many arguments against that, but let’s begin with a simple logical unraveling of the title. If baggy jeans are OK for Moms and Dads, and attorneys are Moms and Dads, then baggy jeans are OK for attorneys. Boom!
S-Will[1] indicates that as a coincidence of his laziness and failure to pick up his dry cleaning he deigned to leave his throne on Mt. Tightass and descend to the heathen depths of denim wearers on their most holy of days, “Casual Friday.” After receiving comments — none of which were negative — his excellency Mr. Williams, Esquire explains that he “knew [he] had made a fatal error.”[2] If there was any fatal error here, Stephen, it is that you and your colleagues set precedent by repeatedly choosing to elevate yourselves over your fellow workers and deny yourselves the comfort of wearing a damn pair of jeans.
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Big-S-Willy-Style[3] explains that the error was the result of folks at his office noticing he was “dressed different from normal,” because he and the other attorneys don’t generally participate in Casual Fridays, the sticks up their asses only occasionally permitting them to wear khakis.[4] He then regales us with the sordid tale of the time he was prepared to meet Muffy, Buffy and Biff on the links dressed down in what I am choosing to picture as this and “oh golly,” opposing counsel showed up! Despite feeling greatly disadvantaged, our intrepid hero was able to escape with only a mild case of the woopsies when talking to the sartorial splendid opposing counsel.
Thankfully, Stephen’s got an eye out for all those law students out there who may make the apocalyptic, disastrous, genocidal, dare-I-say “fatal error” of wearing anything other than a tried and true “standard-issue navy blue suit,” “when our profession is often tasked with being the final voice of reason in the room, it’s not too much to ask that we wear pants.” Merriam-Webster’s defines jeans as “pants that are made of denim.” So, S-Will, jeans, by definition, are pants.
via GIPHY
I’d like to offer my own bit of advice. It’s the same as Stephen’s. Yes, wear pants. If you’re not going to Court today, wear any damned type of pants you want. Wear jeans, sweatpants, khakis, yoga pants, chinos, zubaz, hell…wear some damned Hammer pants if that’s your bag. Oh, also, as our good friend Stephen’s imagined world of attorneys seems to exclude those who may wear something other than pants, e.g. a skirt or dress, wear those as well. As our profession is indeed the “final voice of reason in the room,” it should not spend so much damned time kvetching about what type of clothing folks choose to decide to wear on the lower part of their body.
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[1]That’s what I am going to call him. Mind you, I have no idea whether and to what extent he has utilized this nickname, but I’m going with it.
[2] S-Will, the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution was a “fatal error.” Neville Chamberlain appeasing Nazi hegemony was a “fatal error.” The joint resolution of the House and Senate providing authority to the Bush administration for war in Iraq was a “fatal error.” Hell, I’d even call Grady Little’s decision to leave Pedro Martinez in to face Hideki Matsui in Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS a “fatal error.” You rocking a pair of Levis to work is not a “fatal error.”
[3] I’m getting carried away.
[4] He does this through a “Jake from State Farm” joke. Thank you for that topical reference Steve-O, I’ll be waiting with bated breath for your next column in which you adroitly reprise jokes regarding the Pets.com spokespuppet or the “Dude, you’re getting a Dell” guy.
Earlier: Baggy Jeans Are OK For Moms And Dads, Not Attorneys
Atticus T. Lynch, Esq. is an attorney in Any Town, Any State, U.S.A. He did not attend a top ten law school. He’s a litigator who’d like to focus on Employment and Municipal Litigation, but the vicissitudes of business cause him to “focus” on anything that comes in the door. He can be reached at [email protected] or on Twitter