Holidays and Seasons, Law Schools

Thanksgiving Tips For 1Ls

Avoid these Thanksgiving mistakes!

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Roasted Thanksgiving TurkeyFor all you 1Ls heading home this Thanksgiving who expect this to be a brief respite from the daily grind of law school to spend time with your loved ones, unfortunately we have some terrible news for you. It’s not just that you’ll spend much of the holiday fretting about your shoddy outline and the exams on the horizon.

No, your holiday will be ruined by your blossoming legal mind.

This is likely the first interaction you’ve had with normal people since you started crafting your brain into a sharply honed legal instrument. And the first time a law student has to address Law Muggles can be… uncomfortable.

To assist you in this transition, here is a list of common awkward moments to avoid that 1Ls bring to the Thanksgiving table:

  • Nobody cares about the difference between assault and battery.
  • You probably have some one-liners about “consideration” worked out for the first time someone graciously passes the pepper grinder. Don’t.
  • Just because they’re cooking the stuffing inside the turkey does not mean you have to hastily prepare a pre-appetizer release form waiving all food poisoning claims against parents and, importantly, the heirs of their bodies.

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  • If you do put anything inside the turkey, don’t yell out, “look, I’ve breached his duty,” no matter how funny it sounds.
  • It’s a breach of sweet potato protocol when your sibling asks for the dish and you reply that you’re holding them in adverse possession.
  • When addressing the kiddie table, it is proper to ask, “and what have you learned in second grade?” It is not proper to ask, “Query, Ms. Carpenter — what are properly understood as the casus belli of the War of 1812?”
  • Dram shop laws do not apply to your uncle’s third glass of wine.
  • If you’re bringing a significant other, avoid referring to them only as “my attractive nuisance.” They probably aren’t that attractive.

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  • Your cousin may be making a terrifically stupid argument, but you need to say more than “12(b)(6), pass the cranberry sauce.”
  • “This meal reminds me of an interesting case from this semester called R. v. Dudley and Stephens…”
  • For more religious families, a proper blessing gives thanks for family, friends, continued success, food, and a reminder that others are not as fortunate this holiday. It should not be phrased, “Dear Lord, we are thankful for, inter alia, this turkey, Amen.”

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

HeadshotJoe Patrice is an editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news.

Photo via Getty Images

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