A Sober Navigation Of The Law Firm Holiday Party Circuit
Have a plan going in! Whatever route you choose, you don’t have to do it alone. Didn’t make it through the holiday circuit sober? That’s okay! Today’s the day to start again.
Tis the season. The season for law firm office parties. Pre-sobriety, these soirees were my perfect start to a night of booze and blow. Every holiday season, I get multiple invitations from law firms to end my sobriety on their dime. I’m joking of course. My recovery is my responsibility. The point being, that this can be a stressful time of the year for lawyers and law students in recovery or contemplating it.
From the pressure to attend your own firm party where you may be keeping your recovery a secret, to the lure of weekly booze fest opportunities at other firms leading up to Christmas, this can especially be an issue for younger lawyers who tend to be more social in general. We know from the recent ABA/Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation study that young lawyers are most at risk for substance use issues within the profession.
So how do you soberly navigate the top-shelf law firm holiday party circuit — or if the firm is having a down year, the Franzia and rock gut circuit — without going off the wagon or making things worse if you are not in recovery but thinking about it? I know you are sick of my story, so I asked two lawyers who took markedly different approaches to their sobriety.
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Michelle is a lawyer practicing at a small firm in Seattle. Here is what she has to say.
As someone in recovery, the holiday party scene is always a source of anxiety both personally and professionally. Everyone has a party and attendance is critical to maintaining your goodwill at your own firm, but also the ever-important networking that is part of private practice. For many young lawyers and even law students, the kind of networking that takes place during the holiday party scene is already stressful and nerve-wracking.
The stress and anxiety I felt due to the pressure to attend and network while newly in recovery and protecting my privacy surrounding my recovery was immense. When attending parties, I would explain that I was recovering from a cold or on other medication that meant I couldn’t try the spiked eggnog or holiday cocktails. This led to me feeling shame, further compounded my stress, and nearly led to relapse on more than one occasion.
I have yet to attend a holiday party that didn’t serve an abundance of booze. Let’s face it. Boozing is ingrained in firm culture. It is no surprise that many lawyers keep a stocked decanter on their office shelf or a bottle of scotch stashed in one of their empty desk drawers.
Upon reflection, the holiday parties I attended were not scheduled for the benefit of the staff. Instead, the holiday parties were simply events to celebrate the shareholders’ success and not the collective effort of the firm team. At no point were we given the impression that our sobriety and mental health was a priority of the firm, as evidenced by the fact that a substantial majority of the attorneys drank heavily without any safeguards set in place by the firm to protect their well-being.
I came to realize that I needed to fully own my recovery and that making excuses about why I was not drinking was unhealthy for me. When I stopped making excuses and simply began to say that I do not drink, I noticed that people were not even really paying attention to what I was or was not doing. I also noticed that while we were the minority, there were actually others who I had never noticed also did not drink. My fears of being bombarded with questions about why or about my recovery never came to fruition and I started to become more comfortable and fee more empowered in my recovery and also keeping up my social obligations.
I recommend that anyone in recovery be familiar with their drinking triggers and level of comfortability in being able to say “no thanks” to alcohol (or here in Washington, to marijuana edibles, etc.). If needed and newly in recovery, do your best to choose events where you know you will either have the support of friends or colleagues who know about your recovery and will not offer you drinks or question why you abstain. If you’re in a 12-step program, talk with your sponsor before going. Have a plan in place specific to your situation to deal with the stress and temptation you may feel.
I would also recommend that partners or staff in charge of planning holiday parties focus on making sure there is equal access to anything alcoholic and anything non-alcoholic. If there is a holiday punch or eggnog, there should be the same non-alcoholic option.
Dan Sarfati is a former Miami Biglaw associate in recovery who now helps attorneys dealing with substance use issues at Mindwell Counseling and Coaching.
While I was at my firm, I relied heavily on alcohol to get me through the week. I needed that tall glass of whiskey to wind down, tune out my worries, and help me “enjoy” a couple hours of sleep. My drinking at the firm escalated to the point where it was diverting my attention away from my work product and towards the moment I could leave the office and hit the bar or liquor store. Rather than focusing on producing excellent results for my clients, I choose to concentrate on my next whiskey drink.
What did I do about it? I removed myself form the environment saturated with triggers to drink alcohol and use substances, regardless of the fact that I would no longer be receiving a paycheck. I took time off to rehabilitate by resting my body and mind. With the help of family and my wife, I hopped on the path of sobriety.
When asked by clients for advice when it comes to attending holiday parties, I first analyze the length of time in which they have been in recovery. If they have been in recovery for less than 3 years or so, I strongly recommend they respectfully take a “rain check” and explain to their superiors that they have familial obligations that they simply cannot discharge. If they have been sober for a substantial period of time (such as 5 years or so), I strongly recommend they make a brief appearance, show face, and gracefully exit the party, while I remain on call in the event I need to “talk them down” from relapsing.
I firmly believe if an employer mandates you attend an event that may very well threaten your recovery, then clearly your livelihood isn’t a consideration of theirs. If that is the case, the choice is very clear: You must walk away from that work environment, or even the career entirely. No paycheck is worth gambling with your recovery.
Understandably, many lawyers face crushing debt obligations, and cannot simply walk away. If you are one of them, begin your exit strategy. This includes: Living frugally, counting your pennies, and volunteering with organizations of interest to discover hidden career interests, while continuing to produce strong work product for your firm’s clients. Prepare a detailed transition plan and make sure you have a professional by your side for coaching and counseling while you embark on this exciting (and sometime stressful transition). Be patient and you’ll be just fine!
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As you can see, two very different approaches. The common theme? Have a plan going in! Whatever route you choose, you don’t have to do it alone. Didn’t make it through the holiday circuit sober? That’s okay! Today’s the day to start again. Talk to your local/state Lawyers Assistance Program. They help law students as well. It really is confidential.
Have a safe, sober and happy holiday season!
- http://www.americanbar.org/groups/lawyer_assistance.html
- http://collegiaterecovery.org/programs/
- http://www.aa.org/
- http://www.smartrecovery.org/
- http://www.celebraterecovery.com/
Brian Cuban (@bcuban) is The Addicted Lawyer. A graduate of the University of Pittsburgh School of Law, he somehow made it through as an alcoholic then added cocaine to his résumé as a practicing attorney. He went into recovery April 8, 2007. He left the practice of law and now writes and speaks on recovery topics, not only for the legal profession, but on recovery in general. He can be reached at brian@addictedlawyer.com.
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