Law Schools

Death And Law School Finals

Remember that finals, despite this metaphor, aren’t death. Your grades can’t kill you. 

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A friend died this weekend.  She was 45, and had a long, hard-fought battle with breast cancer.  Her young daughter has some tough choices ahead, given that several members of her family have died from breast cancer.  The reality of having cancer meant the constant thought of death, life, and things that could have been.  In her honor, I tweeted this article I was reading about death.

This friend died at the same time my students embark on studying for their final exam, the inevitable ceremonial judgment at semester’s end.

Today, I write about death and finals and some commonalities about how we think (and avoid thinking) about both.

The thought processes behind death and finals can be very similar.  As the Dalai Lama pointed out about death, “When people know deep inside that death will come but deliberately avoid thinking about it, that does not fit the situation and is counterproductive. The same is true when old age is not accepted as part of life but taken to be unwanted and deliberately avoided in thought. This leads to being mentally unprepared; then when old age inevitably occurs, it is very difficult.”

His point is that one has to deliberately contemplate death and accept it as part of life.  I find parallels when people prepare for final exams only at the end of the semester.   Students avoid thinking about finals until after Thanksgiving, and that is counterproductive.  This leads to panic at a time when one should be prepared for the end of the semester’s life in the form of the final exam.

Worse, often much of the semester was not spent deliberately.  Again, the Dalai Lama on death: “Half of the life is taken up with sleep. Ten years are spent in childhood. Twenty years are lost in old age. Out of the remaining twenty years, sorrow, complaining, pain, and agitation eliminate much time, and hundreds of physical illnesses destroy much more.”  Similarly, often students spend the semester complaining about professors, in pain while reading, and fall behind when they become physically ill from the stress. The complaining might help vent steam, or, if it’s a particularly mean professor, perhaps make class more tolerable.  But the ultimate end, the final exam, is not the focus of those activities.

Even in reading, the thoughts are not about what use is to be made of the material.  What are the important points from this case?  What are the key facts that give rise to the rule, and what are the policies behind them?  What are the consequences of adopting such a rule?  What exceptions apply and why?  Much like blinking and realizing your life is half-over, so too is the realization that those cases have meaning at the end of the semester as the exam prompt gives rise to a whole new application.

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As the end of the semester approaches, much like the end of days, similar thoughts set in.  I wasted my semester/life.  I should have been studying more/living more.  I wish I had a few more weeks/were younger.

As I’ve written before, fear kills the ability to study.  You can become your own worst enemy. Thoughts of failure (dying on a final), judgment (after death or by a professor playing God with your grade), and what it means for you long-term can plague studying.  How do you kill fear?

At the end of the article, the Dalai Lama tells a story to which I can relate.  He recalls a time where he had a terrible and painful illness, and thoughts of those suffering more made his pain less.  “Compassion strengthens your outlook, and with that courage you are more relaxed.”  I had a similar situation: As I lay on a hospital gurney being stitched up through my cheek and above my eye, I thought about the driver who caused the accident.  He was dead.  I might have a nasty scar, a broken toe, and a dozen other injuries.  But he was dead.  Compassion for him made my suffering lighter.

I think the thing that makes studying easier is perhaps that same compassion.  When I was in law school, I was a member of several study groups.  Sometimes I would serve as a cheerleader for those with self-doubt.  Sometimes I would end up teaching.  In numerous instances, the people I taught/coached ended up with the best grades in the class.  That means I didn’t.  Perhaps I wasn’t even close.  Even if you don’t have the wherewithal to do that, at least be compassionate with yourself.  Be mindful of thoughts that lead to fear of the great unknown (the final).  Those self-doubts and nagging thoughts block your success and create far more anxiety.

And next semester (next lifetime), be mindful throughout the semester.  Think about the final exam from the beginning.  Think about the lessons that are being taught, and how they might serve you at the end (the final) or in another lifetime (practice).  And never forget to be compassionate with yourself.

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Most importantly, remember that finals, despite my metaphor, aren’t death.  Your grades can’t kill you.  And, as I think about my friend’s daughter as she watched her mom die of cancer, remember this: there are far worse things than a bad grade.

LawProfBlawg is an anonymous professor at a top 100 law school. You can see more of his musings here.  He is way funnier on social media, he claims.  Please follow him on Twitter (@lawprofblawg) or Facebook. Email him at lawprofblawg@gmail.com.

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