Labor / Employment, On The Job

No Touching! (Anywhere?): Sexual Harassment Dialogue Finale

Men shouldn't feel like they need to beware -- they should be AWARE.

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This is the third, and last, post of my workplace sexual harassment dialogue with my employment partner, Amy Epstein Gluck (“AEG”), who has helpfully guided me to a deeper and more thorough understanding of this issue — as it appears to women.

In the first two posts, which you can read here (Part I) and here (Part II), Amy has clarified and expanded upon my original “9 tips” for men on how not to be a sexual harasser in the workplace. She has also provided some helpful recommendations of her own.

Especially her unexpected comment to my “tip” that there should be “no touching — ever, anywhere, on any part of the body.”

The dialogue begins:

RBC: No ribald jokes or puns or risqué pics at work.

AEG: I would clarify this tip to say no sexual or sexist jokes, sexual puns, no sexual innuendo, no smacks on the butt, no grabbing of any body parts, or pictures of half-naked women at work. Be specific.

RBC: No water cooler banter. I noted earlier that: “We all like to joke, tease, prank, and — face it — it sometimes gets a bit out of control, and the language gets a little ‘salty.’ All in good fun, in the right place and context. But not in the workplace. Even by the water cooler. The workplace is for work. Yes, we can do our best to try and enjoy our work, but the primary purpose is to make a living.”

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AEG: I’d just say: Remember — the primary reason that women are at your workplace as coworkers is so they can make a living and build a career. Plus, see my response to the immediately preceding tip about sex-based commentary or conduct.

RBC: No touching —  ever, anywhere, on any part of the body.

AEG: I think a “tip” about not squeezing a butt, a leg, breast, etc. is fine, but this may be too extreme — don’t ever touch? Sometimes we touch a shoulder to make a point or connect. I think men just need to be aware that more of a touch may make a woman uncomfortable, but I do not want this to morph, again, into men alienating women they work with because working together is just too fraught with peril.

Men need to be more cognizant of how their behavior affects others and not indulge in unwelcome conduct. No woman I know would welcome her butt grabbed in her place of business. Period.

“Hmmm…’chaperone’? We’re not wooing here.”

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RBC: No invitations to dinner, your hotel room, home (without a spouse or “chaperone” present), or even drinks — you do so at your peril.

AEG: “Chaperone”? This is not a situation where a suitor is wooing a woman. I would say no invitations to your hotel room or home alone. But, we network by saying, hey, can I take you to lunch to discuss your work at xyz? Men can and should invite women for drinks or dinner, the same as they would a male colleague, but explain why you want to meet with them, and then discuss that.

Don’t use a work dinner or drinks as a means to make a move on a woman who thinks by your invitation to discuss some merger deal or settlement counteroffer she is doing something for work when it’s really your excuse to make a move. We don’t want to say “don’t issue these invitations” because some men tend to take this a step further and hear your advice as, “Hey men, here’s a way to avoid your female co-workers” or “Avoid your female colleagues lest one accuse you of sexual harassment.”

“Men must be AWARE”

Also, and about reading (or misreading) signals and unwelcome conduct, men must be AWARE. Such as if you persist in asking a female co-worker to dinner or drinks and she keeps saying no, stop asking! I know what you’re referencing with this tip, and I get where you’re going, but I think it needs more clarity so men don’t take it as a mandate to avoid women at work.

“This is pivotal!”

RBC: No “enabling.” If you see something say something.  This may be the most important tip for the majority of readers.

AEG: This is pivotal! I’d expand on this substantially because so many women don’t report harassment. They fear being branded as “difficult,” not believed, and not being a “team player” (of course) — subtle retaliation. They fear being victim-shamed, which often leads to direct retaliation.

If men reported sexual harassment as they witnessed it and they were not retaliated against, this would be significant. As you know, such conduct is protected by law as the Opposition Clause in Title VII protects opposition to reporting harassment or discrimination, and it’s critical.

In any event, we want to promote and remind men about good, decent, proper and expected behaviors in the workplace and everywhere. The workplace is a microcosm of society at large.

richard-b-cohenRichard B. Cohen has litigated and arbitrated complex business and employment disputes for almost 40 years, and is a partner in the NYC office of the national “cloud” law firm FisherBroyles. He is the creator and author of his firm’s Employment Discrimination blog, and received an award from the American Bar Association for his blog posts. You can reach him at Richard.Cohen@fisherbroyles.com and follow him on Twitter at @richard09535496.

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