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Kasowitz Benson Wants You To Know They Could Beat Up Your Firm

Kasowitz Benson Torres is looking into a little rebranding.

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After a year that saw the loss of a named partner, the mercurial rise and fall of its most visible partner as a played on the national stage, and a management overhaul, you can’t blame Kasowitz Benson Torres for looking into a little rebranding. Marc Kasowitz’s turn at the top of Trump’s ever twirling wheel of Russiagate attorneys — Russian Roulette, if you will — prompted observers to wonder if he was destroying the firm that bears his name. That’s not an image you want to leave with the public.

A whole new look is in order after that kind of year, so let’s head over to the website!

First off, the firm has dropped its “Superior Legal Minds” motto for “Creative. Aggressive. Relentless” which sounds much more like the tagline on a poster for a bad action movie about a humble watercolorist with a dark past drawn out of self-imposed retirement to hunt down the drug cartel that murdered his best friend — Bob Ross stars in “Happy Little Trees.”

Check out Dan Fetterman in that picture. Is he grimacing or smirking? Is Fetterman the Mona Lisa of our age? I’m haunted by that image.

Be sure to check out the video because it’s just a sea of artistic quick-cuts and camera jerks that’s so self-serious that Tommy Wiseau goes, “hey guys, I think people might laugh at you over this.”

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I think that’s an epee rather than a foil, to be honest.

Aw s**t. They’re gonna Million Dollar Baby your firm!

Seriously, everyone wants a lawyer who “fights,” but Kasowitz is really going overboard with the implied violence. We’ve got swords on one page, fists on another, and the world’s least subtle Goodfellas homage on another.

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No wonder Kasowitz’s PR guy describes himself as a mob fixer.

But it could be worse, you could rebrand as mid-range men’s shoe store like Shearman did.

Earlier: When People Start Writing About You Destroying Your Firm, Things Aren’t Going Well
Marc Kasowitz Is Waking Up To A Bad Morning
Kasowitz Benson Gets Two New Co-Managing Partners After A Year Of Insanity
Kasowitz Benson Loses Name Partner, Lots Of Money
Marc Kasowitz… Will You Accept This Rose?
Kasowitz Checking Out Of Russiagate

HeadshotJoe Patrice is an editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news.

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