Politics

Trump Ends Giuliani Week With Traditional Ceremony Under The Bus

Nothing matters, y'all. Nothing even matters.

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Earlier this week, Trump lawyer Rudolph Giuliani went on television to say that Trump has been lying all this time about his payment to Michael Cohen. Then Giuliani tried to walk some of those statements back. But then President Donald Trump went on Twitter and pretty much backed up everything Giuliani said.

Now, at the end of the week, with Giuliani clearly causing more trouble than he’s worth, Trump carefully placed Giuliani under the bus and ordered his White House press lackeys to roll the bus right over Giuliani. From Think Progress:

During two brief question-and-answer sessions with reporters on Friday morning, Trump didn’t try to explain the disconnect between Giuliani’s claim that Trump reimbursed Michael Cohen for a hush payment made just before the 2016 election to a woman who says she had an affair with Trump, and Trump’s own previous denial that he knew anything about the payment. Instead, Trump repeatedly asserted that Giuliani simply didn’t know what he was talking about.

“He started yesterday. He will get his facts straight,” Trump said while leaving the White House on his way to the NRA convention in Texas. “Virtually everything that’s been said has been said incorrectly.”

“Virtually everything that’s been said has been said incorrectly.” It was all a dream, you see.

Legally, Trump could be setting up an ineffective assistance of counsel defense. That means… wait. No. I’m not doing this.

Sorry. I’m tired. It’s Friday and I’m tired of dancing on the strings of this orange puppet master like I’m a f**king sap. NOTHING MATTERS. NOTHING THE F**K EVER MATTERS. He lies, and the press reports his lies. His people say stupid, unverifiable things, and we all try to divine what they could be trying to say and what verification might be available. He obstructs justice, and Congress does nothing. He spends a year name-calling world leaders, and he gets nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. And if he doesn’t like the news cycle he just CHANGES IT by spewing some other lie or stupidity, and the cycle magically changes to his whim.

THIS IS BULLS**T. It’s more intellectually satisfying to analyze the endgame plans of the White Walkers in Game of Thrones. AT LEAST THEY LIVE IN AN INTERNALLY CONSISTENT UNIVERSE. Our universe, under this charlatan cosplaying as “President,” makes no damn sense.

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I’m out. Peace and love. See you Monday.

Elie Mystal is the Executive Editor of Above the Law and the Legal Editor for More Perfect. He can be reached @ElieNYC on Twitter, or at elie@abovethelaw.com. He will resist.

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