5 Things To Do When You Feel Stuck

Because even lawyers deserve to be happy.

Becoming and being a lawyer is no easy feat. Duh, I know. But hear me out. There are soooo many years of school and countless finals. Not to mention the bar exam. Then you get to your first law job, are working 60+ hours a week, and may not be living the life (or making the money) you thought you would. It is an incredibly grueling process. You endure many late nights, a ton of insecurity, and sacrifices of time and energy. There is a reason that mental health and drug and alcohol abuse issues are so prominent in the legal profession.

For many, the thing that keeps them going through all of that is focusing on their dreams, the light at the end of the tunnel. The thing that will make them happy or leave their mark on the world. Dreams are that extra little shot of adrenaline to keep reading a case, to send one more job application, or to call back one more client at the end of a 12-hour day.

But what happens when one day you’re no longer a bright-eyed 1L ready to set the world on fire? What happens when it is a few years later, and you’re sitting on a pile of student loans with a few more grey hairs and a lot less energy and passion? What happens when you can hardly remember why you started and are ready just to pack it all in and do something else entirely?

If you’ve been there, or are there right now, you’re not alone. Trust me, I get it. I’ve been there. Heck, I’m an entrepreneur, I’m pretty sure I go there a minimum of eight times each day. The next time you find yourself staring at the ceiling at 2:00 a.m. or sobbing into a pint of ice cream (definitely not speaking from experience on either of these things, though…) pondering where it all went wrong and how you can fix it, try walking through the following steps.

Get to the root of the problem

The first step in fixing any problem is figuring out why it exists in the first place. You might think the answer to your unhappiness should be obvious, but often it is not. I like to go through what I call the “why/because” process to determine what is eating at me. It is really simple. I’ll start with a question, such as, “Why am I feeling [unhappy, upset, afraid, etc.] right now?”  And, let’s pretend my answer is, “Because I’m not making enough money.” Then, I turn my “because” statement into a why and ask, “Why am I not making enough money?” I keep doing this over and over again until something really rattles me inside. I get physically uncomfortable, which is how I know I’ve hit on the real thing that is bugging me.

Evaluate your goals

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Now that you know what has got you down, it is time to take a long hard look at your goals. This is the time to be brutally honest with yourself. Are you giving up out of fear?  Are you holding on to an old, outdated goal just so you can check it off your list? Has your dream legitimately changed?

This is the phase to dream big. I’m reading (okay, okay, listening to) Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In,” and at one point she talks about a quote that is on a poster in the Facebook Headquarters that says, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” As you reevaluate your goals and dreams, I can’t emphasize enough how important this question is. Fear pretty much ruins everything, so try to keep it out of your dreaming process.

Give yourself permission to change your mind

Changing your mind is not the same as giving up. There, I said it. Deciding to do something different with your life is not the same as saying you weren’t capable of doing what you initially set out to do. Lawyers tend to be chronic “list-checkers.” Once we commit to something, even if only mentally, we can’t let it go until we’ve checked if off of our list. And, speaking from personal experience, this can lead to a ton of frustration, feeling totally stuck, or want to give up.

Get inspired

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Whether you’ve recommitted to your old goals or set entirely new ones, now is the time to get excited. Maybe you’ve been feeling kind of “blah” or stuck for awhile. But that is all about to change. You’ve got a new plan, so get inspired. Look up people who’ve achieved the goal you want to reach, create a vision board, or listen to a podcast that will pump you up.

Take action

Finally, now that you’ve done all the thinking, planning, and inspiring, you’ve got to actually do something. Quit your job or don’t. Change your dream or don’t. Cut your hair or don’t. Whatever it is you’ve decided is next for you, take one small step towards it. Remember, the hardest part of anything is getting started.

Whatever you do decide to do, here are a couple of things you shouldn’t do. Don’t just sit around hoping the feeling will pass. It won’t, you’ll just get more used to it and more stuck. And, the longer you let it go on for the harder it will be to get out of it. Don’t languish in inaction. Also, don’t live someone else’s dream or stay in a situation out of obligation. This will only breed resentment and unhappiness. Finally, don’t wait for someone else to give you permission. This is YOUR life. Own it and live it.

Whatever you’re facing in life today, that passionate 1L is still somewhere inside you waiting to set the world on fire. Give her the chance to do it.


Kerriann Stout is a millennial law school professor and founder of Vinco (a bar exam coaching company) who is generationally trapped between her students and colleagues. Kerriann has helped hundreds of students survive law school and the bar exam with less stress and more confidence. She lives, works, and writes in the northeast. You can reach her by email at info@vincoprep.com.