Every couple of years, there’s a lawyer who comes along and through sheer force of douchebaggery makes all of us look bad. Now comes this anonymous law clerk — as in, not yet passed the bar — from a noted Biglaw firm. We’ll call him Legal Eaglet. The Eaglet was in the market for a used dresser and spotted the handsome number you see here — the West Elm Niche 4 Drawer Dresser in Chocolate — available on Craigslist. So he reached out to the seller — an investment banker who we’ll call Molly Merger — to make an offer.
We join the transaction, in true issue-spotter form, at the offer stage.
On Mon, Jun 4, 2018 at 4:07 PM:
300?
The New Way Litigators Handle Depositions Applies AI Every Step Of The Way
Depositions by Filevine help with scheduling, tracking goals, and trial prep.
So his offer is:
One assumes that he really means “dollars” here, but in fairness, he’s not really all that precise with his lingo. Are we really going to have a meeting of the minds here?
Eaglet sent this email from his law firm address — complete with the boilerplate disclaimer footer — which is important because it comes up later. Why is he conducting personal business with his law firm address? The world collectively shrugs.
Keeping Law School Accessible When Federal Loans Fall Short
As federal borrowing caps tighten financing options for law students, one organization is stepping in to negotiate the terms they can't secure alone.
Sent: Monday, June 4, 2018 4:08 PM
OK, can do
Molly seems game for the $300 price point.
On Mon, Jun 4, 2018 at 4:20 PM:
Great. Would you mind waiting for payment until Friday? I can either cut you a check (and you can wait to cash it until Friday) or I can Venmo you the money on Friday.
Now, wait just a goddamned minute. Where’s this “I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today” routine coming from? That’s not part of the deal. Because, note, he’s not saying, “I’ll pick it up Friday and give you the money Friday,” he’s saying, “I’ll pick it up today and give you a post-dated check today.” Screw that.
Molly is more forgiving, though:
Sent: Monday, June 4, 2018 4:25 PM:
Friday is fine. If someone comes along before Friday who’s willing to go above $300, I’ll let you know. Sound fair?
Yes, that does sound fair. Eaglet disagrees:
On Mon, Jun 4, 2018 at 4:38 PM:
Well, legally speaking, it’s too late for that because you already accepted my counteroffer, which formed a legally binding contract. If you had conditioned acceptance upon receiving payment, then you could accept a competing offer.
However, if you want to back out of the contract right now, I’ll do it out of the kindness of my heart. But, fair warning, I won’t agree to purchase it again.
You have 10 minutes to decide if you want to back out or not and respond to this email. If you do not, the contract remains in full force.
Very Best,
[Legal Eaglet]
Well, legally speaking, you’re a moron. Putting aside that there’s been no consideration or reliance at this point, buyers don’t have to preemptively protect themselves from you changing a deal after acceptance. The “meeting of the minds” was that you’d pay her $300 now and she’d give you the dresser now. Kicking the can down the road a week is what we’d consider a material change to the terms of the deal. Meaning your “offer” is now “I’ll pay you $300 on Friday” and her “acceptance” is “fine by me unless I get a better offer at which point I’ll throw in a right to match for the hell of it.”
Something that Molly probably understands because she’s probably been on a thousand more deals than you because she is, after all, a banker.
And “10 minutes to decide”? Did you learn that from Art of the Deal or something?
Sent: Monday, June 4, 2018 4:55 PM:
This is craigslist. Whoever gets there first, gets the item. I’m happy to sell it to you at $300, but I can’t accept a check, because there are a million scams on craigslist involving fraudulent checks – sorry.
If you want it, you’re welcome to come get it Friday and pay me cash or Venmo me.
THAT’S MORE THAN 10 MINUTES LATER! SORRY, LADY, YOU’RE OUT OF LUCK!
Seriously, this woman’s patience is unending. She went to the trouble of outlining exactly why “I’ll pay you a check you can cash it later” is a material adjustment to the deal. Obviously, at this point he saw the error of his ways.
Just kidding, he doubled down:
I hate to break it to you, but the law of contracts applies with equal force to transactions made on craigslist… as it does everywhere in the commercial world.
See generally Restatement (Third) of Craigslist.
Also, it’s interesting you would get into an argument about the law with someone who works for a law firm, as signified by the disclaimer at the bottom of my original email.
Oh ho ho! Here we go, people! Note he doesn’t say “with a lawyer,” but “with someone who works for a law firm” because this law clerk is as cognizant of his ethical obligations as he is ignorant of basic common sense. So… small miracles.
Of course, no hard feelings.
Of course not.
In any event, based on your comment “I’d be happy to sell it to you,” I’ll reasonably assume you accepted my offer to rescind the contract, meaning you are free to accept any offer from here on out. Best of luck.
Technically, she said, “I’m happy to sell it to you” but regardless, it’s not clear how this accepts an offer to rescind a contract. There was no contract! There wasn’t even a nascent contract once you changed the payment conditions to something the seller hadn’t anticipated.
The lesson, as always, is “never whip out the lawyer card when (a) you’re not a lawyer yet, (b) you’re just trying to be unnecessarily burdensome, or (c) you’re just wrong about the law.” When you’ve reached the unholy trifecta, then you really need to shut it down.
But Eaglet also committed the worst legal sin of all… you let the bankers be right. Never do that.
By the way, the West Elm dresser remains safely in the hands of Molly Merger. If you’re in the market for one, let her know.
And pay her on time.
Earlier: ‘I’m A Lawyer’ Threat Ends In Internet Humiliation
Joe Patrice is an editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news.