W.A.I.T. For It: Forget Say Anything. Teach Your Business Partners to Say Nothing.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret of mine. I double minored in theater and philosophy. Let the sheer lameness of that academic folly sink in. You good? Yeah, me neither. But at least I pulled it together and went to law school. Insert hysterical laughter bordering on sobs.

Anyway, one of the greatest life lessons I ever learned (that was actually applicable out in the real world) was in my introductory theater class when our wily, potentially (no, definitely) crazy professor spent two weeks teaching us the power of silence.

Of course, because he was crazy and possibly (no, definitely) on peyote or some other desert ceremonial consumable, he didn’t come right out and tell us that silence was one of the most potent tools an actor has at her disposal. No, rather he paired us up and had us “duel” it out on the stage in front of our fellow classmates for his amusement. So, we ranted and raved and tossed Shakespearean worthy insults at one another. We stalked and gesticulated wildly. Some of us learned faster than others, but eventually we all got the point that there really is nothing more effective than loaded silence.

Fast forward to present day, in-house counsel me marveling over some intrepid soul who lifted a set of meeting guidelines off the internet called “Why Am I Talking (W.A.I.T.): A Guide to Better Meetings Where You Don’t End Up Wanting to Murder Your Co-Workers With a Pick Axe.” No really, I’m sure that’s the name. But you’re welcome to look it up on Google if you don’t believe me. Just maybe not while you’re in the office. And yes, I realize the W.A.I.T. concept didn’t originate with guidelines printed off the internet, but this one fits my story, okay?

This handy chart poses the simple question “why am I talking” and such answers include, “because I have something important to say” or “it’s my turn to speak” and your options of what to do, flow from there. I would honestly love to meet real live people who actually go through this thought process chicanery because I’m fairly certain my business partners’ thought process go something like this:

Bill: Why am I talking? Because I’m Bill, damn it.

Sheila: Why am I talking? Because if I don’t talk then the mansplainers win.

Jon: Why am I talking? Because I have a bet with Jason in accounting to see how many times I can use the word “pertinent” before somebody figures it out I’m effing with them. Also, we’re out of creamer in the fridge and oooh — squirrel!

Victor: Why am I talking? Because I’m god’s gift to business. The anointed one. Bow down before me, puny mortal paper pusher, while I expound on topics of which I have little experience but much to say.

And so on and so forth.

Apparently, these theoretical guidelines are to be used only at internal meetings (if used at all), because seldom have I ever witnessed a scenario in which one of my business partners thinks through the W.A.I.T. method before speaking during a negotiation. So, of course, it makes perfect sense to now propose my own flow chart analysis for negotiations that goes something like this:

WHY AM I TALKING (W.A.I.T.) IN A NEGOTIATION AND WHY IS LEGAL LOOKING AT ME LIKE I HAVE A SOCIAL DISEASE:

1) Did I get nervous because I’m ill-prepared for this meeting and just commit a major tactical blunder?
a) If yes, fold hands in your lap and stop talking. It’s possible no one heard you.
b) If no, please proceed. With extreme caution.

2) Am I grandstanding because it makes me feel like the BSD in the room?
a) If yes, keep your hands flat on the table, you creeper, and stop talking. No, I mean it. Stop talking. Why are you still talking?
b) If no, congrats for not completely alienating potential partners we need to do stuff. Way to play the long game. Go forth and negotiate until the lunch break.

3) Am I talking over our potential partners because I’m incapable of yielding the floor to anyone even for a millisecond while I breathe?
a) If yes, do something with your hands instead of flapping your gums. You might learn something. Words to live by. You know, assuming you heard me.
b) If no, then who are you and are you sure you work for our company?

4) Am I using the phrases force majeure and joint and several liability like I know what those mean? Oh god, is it possible I’ve wandered into the wasted territory of legal boilerplate? Somebody hold me.
a) If yes, abandon all hope ye who enter and for god’s sake, stop talking. Remember that monologue from Billy Madison? You’re Billy Madison. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.
b) If no, then by all means, sally forth on commercial issues. I really don’t care what kind of haircut you’re taking on the margin. I don’t have to answer to Bill for it.

All jokes at business partners’ expense aside, silence can be a heck of a tool. Particularly for greener business folk. So why not get all hippy dippy with me and advise your partners to W.A.I.T. it out during tough negotiations? Allow the potential customers and partners to weigh in. What are they saying? What aren’t they saying? What are they inferring from the silence? Has it made them nervous or uncertain? Perhaps your people are disappointed with the offer and they need to do better? Maybe you’re unconvinced and need to hear more? Who knows, but whatever it is, most people don’t roll into a negotiation expecting to be met with silence. Have your business people try it sometime and if that fails, there’s always the old “slip peyote in their drinks and see if they notice” trick. Gets ‘em every time.

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Kay Thrace (not her real name) is a harried in-house counsel at a well-known company that everyone loves to hate. When not scuffing dirt on the sacrosanct line between business and the law, Kay enjoys pub trivia domination and eradicating incorrect usage of the Oxford comma. You can contact her by email at [email protected] or follow her on Twitter @KayThrace.