Stupid Lawyer Tricks

The Museum Of Lawyers

What are the sights you can see at this magical, mystical museum?

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Wall Street Journal columnist Joe Queenan recently wrote a column headlined, “Museums We Never Knew We Were Missing.” He cites as one example the National Comedy Center, which recently opened in Jamestown, New York. Why Jamestown? It’s the birthplace of Lucille Ball, probably the most famous comedian of the 20th century. That got Queenan riffing on other possible museums, including but not limited to the Museum of the Semicolon, The Comb-Over Museum, and others of similar ilk.

So that started me thinking (I know, assuming facts not in evidence) about whether there is a Museum of Lawyers and, if not, whether there should be. A non-exhaustive Google search turned up nothing. It showed sites for museum lawyers (i.e., lawyers who represent museums) and an Above the Law column about a Wisconsin lawyer who opened up the National Mustard Museum.

I see opportunity here: how about a Museum of Lawyers? Not a museum for lawyers — although millennial lawyers probably think that’s where we dinosaur lawyers should be (and preferably stuffed) — but about lawyers. Work with me here. Indulge me while I muse about where one should be, what it would display, and where the money would come from.

Should the museum be located in a big city where it would have to compete with all the big museums for money and space? Or would a more rural location be more appropriate? What about locating it in Pahrump, Nevada, since many people think that lawyers bear a strong resemblance to that part of our anatomy included in that town’s name? It’s out in the middle of nowhere, but only an hour or so from Las Vegas, an apt analogy for what going to trial truly means.

Should the museum charge admission? Given that the average Joe thinks that lawyers charge way too much for their services, the smarter approach would be free admission.

There probably should be a permanent exhibit of lawyers who have played an important role in our founding and building of our country and our profession. There should also be a permanent exhibit dedicated to women and minority lawyers, demonstrating progress to date and how much further there is to go.

Because my humor is both silly and stupid (as if you haven’t been able to figure that out), I think there should also be a room devoted to lawyer jokes in all forms — TV, radio, movies, social media, or whatever form they may take. I think (and I know people will disagree) lawyer jokes humanize us; they make us seem like “normal” people, whatever that means. All we’d have to do is troll the internet for jokes, and then include some clips about lawyer-bashing that won’t be hard to find. Lots of comedians have done standups bashing lawyers.

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In addition to a room or two devoted to legal luminaries, I think there should also be a room for a “rogue’s gallery” of our colleagues. We could start with well-known lawyers who have transgressed and who have been or still are in the public eye. (Yes, there are probably too many lawyers to count who have transgressed but whom the public doesn’t know about. Shhhh.) I’m talking about the ones who have screwed up royally for the entire world to see.

There should also be a room devoted to portrayal of lawyers in the various media — TV, movies, books (fiction and nonfiction), and social media as well. John Grisham novels, Jim Carrey’s movie Liar, Liar, and my favorite lawyer movie, My Cousin Vinny. How about TV shows like Better Call Saul? Damages? I’m sure you can come up with your own list.

How about reality TV? Judge Judy? Court TV? Trials of the century, especially the OJ trial? Trials with lawyer commentators whose careers may have been made, for better or worse, as talking heads?

Then there should be a room devoted to slot machines and/or roulette tables (e.g., a visualization of how clients think lawyers view them and how lawyers view clients who bet it all).  As a counterpoint, there should be a room — in fact, multiple rooms —  dedicated to all the unsung pro bono work that lawyers have done and do, without any expectation of payment and without any expectation of acknowledgement, except perhaps maybe for a “thank you.” I don’t think non-lawyers understand how much pro bono work lawyers do, whether voluntarily or otherwise. Perhaps that would prompt, if not a greater appreciation, at least a greater understanding of what pro bono means.

What about a room full of oral histories? War stories that we dinosaurs can pass on to future generations: cringe-inducing cautionary tales and even the occasional outright victories.

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Perhaps there should also be a room dedicated to what a lawyer’s office looked like in the past, complete with a rolltop desk, dictating equipment, rotary phone, intercom, and bookcases filled with law books. (Books? What were those, your kid asks.)

Last, but certainly not least, funding, the bugaboo of so many projects that never get off the ground. Do you think that a GoFundMe or Kickstarter page would have any traction? What about naming rights? That might be another way to fundraise. Let’s take a look at how well Biglaw firms have done, and perhaps some money trees can be shaken there. If firms like seeing their names on buildings, why not on a museum?

There’s a lot of rejection in our profession: rejection from the court when it denies your motion, rejection from a jury when it doesn’t return the verdict you had hoped for, rejection from a client when you’re fired and/or your fee isn’t paid. Joe Queenan suggests in his column that there could also be a Museum of Rejection. Another name for the Museum of Lawyers?

old lady lawyer elderly woman grandmother grandma laptop computerJill Switzer has been an active member of the State Bar of California for more than 40 years. She remembers practicing law in a kinder, gentler time. She’s had a diverse legal career, including stints as a deputy district attorney, a solo practice, and several senior in-house gigs. She now mediates full-time, which gives her the opportunity to see dinosaurs, millennials, and those in-between interact — it’s not always civil. You can reach her by email at oldladylawyer@gmail.com.

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