'Robert Mueller Has Nude Selfies' Is The Headline That Defines The Law In 2018
We built a shining city on a hill. It sent us a picture of its junk.
Robert Mueller is doggedly chasing down multiple vectors of Russian interference in America’s elections in a sweeping probe that’s netted a ton of indictments and plea deals, making it truly disturbing to realize that in 2018 it’s entirely possible to consume only news telling you that none of this has happened and it’s all a witch hunt. Orwell famously envisioned a monolithic state media operation pumping out official disinformation. In reality, the future delivered one cable channel and a loose conglomeration of alternative media conspiracy theorists capable of weaponizing gullibility.
But far more disturbing is the allegation made in a filing yesterday that Mueller’s investigation has turned up some nude selfies. Taking a look at the cast of characters in this investigation and that’s a truly terrifying revelation.
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The filing, by Concord Management and Consulting LLC objected to Mueller’s stance that details of some of his investigation methods must be addressed in camera for national security reasons. Considering the thrust of the overall investigation and Concord’s alleged ties to Putin surrogate Evgeny Prigozhin, this probably means some CIA shenanigans were involved in intercepting messages between hostile foreign operatives under surveillance.
But Concord’s filing penned by Reed Smith’s Eric A. Dubelier and Katherine Seikaly takes an aggressive tone ripped from Sean Hannity’s nightly monologues, branding Mueller’s inquiry a “first-of-its-kind, make-believe case” and deriding the idea that anything that’s turned up nude selfies could possibly be of national security import, giving the rest of us to the same, “wait, what?” reaction we had when we first heard some dumbass tell us that Grover dropped an F-Bomb (he didn’t).
Could the manner in which he collected a nude selfie really threaten the national security of the United States?
First of all… probably, yeah. Second of all, ew.
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Who in this case is running around loading their camera with pictures of their junk? Maria Butina is obviously a suspect because the case against her plays out as some kind of twisted honey pot for some Destro wannabe. But get past Butina and it gets ugly fast. Paul Manafort wearing nothing but an ostrich-feather jacket? Michael Flynn’s 3-star dick? We should all cringe at where Michael Cohen’s intimate photo shoots go after this:
Thanks Reed Smith for forcing us to never unsee this image. At least we can all pray we’re not talking about Trump’s toadstool.
(Full brief on the next page…)
‘Nude Selfie’ Obtained In Mueller Inquiry, Says Court Filing By Indicted Russian Firm [Huffington Post]
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Joe Patrice is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news.