Has Michael Cohen Moved The Needle?

No. I'm putting 'no' in the subhead so you don't accuse me of clickbait.

(Photo by Win McNamee/ Getty Images)

Here’s what I learned yesterday, having watched the entirety of Michael Cohen’s testimony before the House Oversight Committee.

  • Congressman Mark Meadows is the kind of racist who thinks having a black friend makes you not a racist.
  • No matter how dumb the U.S. Senate gets, the House of Representatives remains dumber.
  • AOC is the RFD (“real f**king deal”).
  • Trump Organization CFO Allen Weisselberg is going to be subpoenaed by Congress and he’s either going to take the 5th, perjure himself, or absolutely burn Trump down to the ground.

Other than that, yesterday was like going out to the Hamptons for a three-day weekend: it was nice, you scored some really good E, but now you’re back in your cramped apartment and nothing about your rat race life has actually changed.

Cohen testified that Trump was… everything we already know he is. Democrats, for the most part, wasted their time being outraged that Trump has done all the things they already know he does. Republicans, apparently, think Michael Cohen was in some sort of a 10-year plan to engage in illegal activity on behalf of Donald Trump and lie about it so he could spend three years in jail, all because Michael Cohen wants a book deal more than any human on Earth has wanted a book deal.

Cohen did not bring a smoking gun, because Trump commits crimes in broad daylight. Cohen was basically trying to show that gravity exists by jumping off the roof. Republicans were looking at his broken body and concluded it only proves that Cohen didn’t learn how to fly.

Which isn’t to say nothing “significant” happened at the hearing. The Allen Weisselberg stuff was, significant, I think. We know that Weisselberg has been granted immunity by the Southern District of New York. We know he’s been cooperating to some extend, but we don’t know how much or even about what.

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But to hear Cohen tell it, Weisselberg knows everything. Multiple times, Cohen said that a conversation he had about illegal or illicit activity was also heard by Weisselberg. Multiple times, Cohen suggested that Weisselberg might have records to prove the schemes Cohen testified to. Nearly every time Cohen tried to explain Trump’s shady financial dealings, Weisselberg’s name came up.

We don’t know any details about the immunity deal Weisselberg has, or the extent of his cooperation with SDNY. Congress is a completely different bear altogether. It’s possible that SDNY will ask Congress to hold off on subpoenaing Weisselberg, as they conduct their ongoing investigations into the Trump Organization.

But, based on yesterday’s Cohen testimony, it now seems clear that Congress and the American people will eventually need to hear from Weisselberg. He was in the room where it happens.

Maybe Trump should welcome Weisselberg’s testimony? If Trump did nothing wrong, Weisselberg should have the credibility and documents to clear him. (Bwahahahahahaha… oh, it’s funny because there’s no freaking chance that’s true.)

Cohen has told us what he knows, but what Cohen knows has already been baked into the system. It was still tasty, though. The President is “a racist,” “a cheat,” and “a conman.” Cohen suggests everybody who works for him knows it.

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Michael Cohen Accuses Trump of Expansive Pattern of Lies and Criminality [New York Times]


Elie Mystal is the Executive Editor of Above the Law and the Legal Editor for More Perfect. He can be reached @ElieNYC on Twitter, or at elie@abovethelaw.com. He will resist.