Deutsche Bank Will Hand Over Trump's Financial Documents To Congress Because Nothing Beautiful Lasts Forever

We will miss the most tantalizingly dumb financial con in American history.

onMay 22, 2019 at 6:12 PM

A federal judge in New York City on Wednesday said Deutsche Bank and Capitol One can turn over financial documents related to President Donald Trump and his businesses in response to subpoenas from House Democrats.

We at Dealbreaker have said it for many moons now, but Trump’s Deutsche Bank account documents might be the Ark of the Covenant for this White House, melting the face of any Trump acolyte who gazes upon them.

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From LexisNexis

Never has a thirsty borrower hooked up with an even thirstier and less cautious lender. Imagining what batsh!t legal nightmares have been passively concocted by the most callous man in the history of real estate development and a bank that lost its f@cking mind in the early aughts has been the stuff of our dreams for about two years now. And Trump’s white-knuckle fear to let them get out tells a story of its own.

In fact, we’re almost sad to know that we’re about to get an answer. But it helps to imagine that Jared Kushner is currently sprinting into his Kalorama rental home to snatch his “Go Bag” en route to the nearest extradition-proof nation that his NetJet pilot can locate on a map.

We’ve never actually thought that this presidency was going to end in anything other than an election cycle, but this might very well do it. Nothing good lurks in a Deutsche Bank financial statement. And we’re hearing that Deutsche is eager to comply and be done with this, something we argued it should have done months ago. Deutsche has likely already paid for whatever crimes might be revealed in these documents (it’s paid for so much), but Trump and his family might be unhappy to have Congress learn that they have never properly valued an asset ever. And we won’t even get into the fever dream possibility that Deutsche was the mechanism through which the Kremlin ended up holding Donald’s paper (but we do dream about it regularly).

And as to the Capital One disclosure, we assume it will simply read: “He has an account with us… so, this is gonna be UGLY.”