Crime

Why Is Alan Dershowitz Still Talking?

Fool for a client.

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(Photo by John Lamparski/Getty Images for Hulu)

If Alan Dershowitz were your grandfather, you’d at least take away his phone.

Most of the men accused of having sex with underage girls provided by Jeffery Epstein have issued terse denials and refused further comment. Even Prince Andrew slunk off in silent ignominy after that disastrous interview where he claimed to be unable to sweat due to “what I would describe as an overdose of adrenaline during the Falklands.”

No such dignified silence for the 81-year-old Alan Dershowitz, who was part of the legal team that negotiated Epstein’s slap-on-the-wrist 2008 plea deal in Florida. Through hundreds of media appearances, Dershowitz has attempted to clear his name by describing his “perfect, perfect sex life” and insisting that, although he did get a massage at Jeffrey Epstein’s house “from a woman in her 40s. I think her name was Olga,” it was totally fine because “I kept my underwear on during the massage.”

He’s given countless disastrous interviews trying to establish his whereabouts twenty years ago from flight manifests.

Who is this tweet responding to? Dunno, but whoever it is better stop lying!

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The old man yelling at clouds has even written a book about poor, innocent men in the #MeToo era.

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Dersh has had a lot of time on his hands recently, what with being unable to go to his favorite nude beach because of COVID. Did he have time to chat about his unfortunate clothed summer with reporters? You bet he did. Did you need that visual? No you did not!

In his free time, Dershowitz has sued one of his accusers for defamation, waged a flame war against David Boies, and just last week tried to sic law enforcement on Miami Herald reporter Julie Brown for the dastardly crime of reporting in the first degree.

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Read all about it in Dersh’s book. Did he mention it’s FREE?

When news of the arrest of Epstein’s alleged procurer Ghislaine Maxwell broke this week, Dershowitz rushed to link his name to hers in the press.

In a Spectator piece entitled “The Ghislaine Maxwell I Know,” he described a long acquaintance with the person accused by multiple women of trawling schoolyards for girls to feed Epstein’s habits, participating in sexual abuse of minors herself, and threatening them if they talked.

Dershowitz defends Maxwell by attacking the credibility of the two accusers who named him personally. No doubt she appreciates the attention, not to mention the free legal advice.

“In addition to presenting factual defenses, Maxwell’s lawyers may argue that the Statute of Limitations have expired on these 20-plus year allegations,” Dershowitz advised, adopting the president’s singular capitalization rules. “They may also argue that Maxwell is protected by Epstein’s original plea deal that expressly included Maxwell as someone who received immunity.”

“Only after a full trial, in which both sides are presented should reasonable people come to conclusions about Ghislaine Maxwell,” he concluded, before heading to Twitter to express his fervent wish that there were videotapes of young women being serially assaulted by Epstein and his friends.

“Reasonable people” would shut the hell up about now. But Dersh … is not reasonable people.

The Ghislaine Maxwell I know [Spectator]

Elizabeth Dye (@5DollarFeminist) lives in Baltimore where she writes about law and politics.

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