Oh My, O'Melveny
Just write a memo, people.
Why do firms announce compensation news over voicemail? It’s not like these bonuses will never leak out if only they avoid leaving a paper trail. No one actually likes listening to long voicemails. The best feature of modern smartphones is that they transcribe the voicemails for you so you don’t have to listen to figure out what’s going on.
And yet some firms stand by the self-indulgent voicemail speech, failing to appreciate that every associate is rolling their eyes with the message on speaker just waiting for the good part.
O’Melveny apparently opted for the voicemail.
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Since the firm technically has “Myers” in the name, we’ll give the bonus its proper Myers-Briggs name of a MSBLDPWM.
| May 31 | Sept 30 | Total | |
| Class of 2020 | $4,500 | $7,500 | $12,000 |
| Class of 2019 | $6,000 | $10,000 | $16,000 |
| Class of 2018 | $12,000 | $20,000 | $32,000 |
| Class of 2017 | $16,500 | $27,500 | $44,000 |
| Class of 2016 | $19,500 | $32,500 | $52,000 |
| Class of 2015 | $22,200 | $37,000 | $59,200 |
| Class of 2014 & up | $24,000 | $40,000 | $64,000 |
Though maybe it’s more fair to say it’s “JO” since that’s functionally a June/October breakdown. In any event, back-loaded DPW matches for all U.S. and Asia associates and counsel hitting an annualized 1900 hours based on detection points of April 30 and August 31.
This is where I’d usually say that the memo is attached on the next page, but there is no memo. Maybe I’ll just record myself doing a dramatic reading of this article and post that later.
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Joe Patrice is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe also serves as a Managing Director at RPN Executive Search.
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