Small Law Firms

Give Yourself Permission

No matter the outcome, when you permit yourself to try, you get opportunities to learn and grow.

By Iffy Ibekwe on November 05, 2021 2:47 pm

I was recently involved in a conversation where a group of lawyers discussed a revenue milestone reached by another lawyer in a similar practice area. The conversation centered around how others’ success can shed light on our insecurities and perceived shortcomings. For a personal injury lawyer, this can manifest in hearing that a colleague won a multimillion-dollar settlement for a client when your multithousand-dollar matter came through. Or maybe you’ve always wanted to have a speaking career and can barely find a bar meeting to present at when you see another colleague speaking all over the country. Are you triggered when you hear of an attorney taking multiple days off each month while running a successful firm when you have never had even a Sunday off? When you compare your achievements to others rather than yourself, it can be a blow to self-esteem (or mostly ego for me.)

So why compare?

It’s natural. Take a look at social media and the curated lives for others’ consumption, approval, entertainment, and major flexing! And don’t forget how much our family or cultural upbringing conditions us. I grew up in a Nigerian household. If I came home with a 97 on a test, my dad would ask me what happened to the other 3 points and if that was the highest grade in the class. In other homes, such a high A would be celebrated with going out to eat, getting spending money, or some other form of praise. Not in my immigrant home. Instead, my dad would ask whether a student who scored higher had two heads? What he meant (in this seemingly tough-love situation) is that the other student did not have double my brain capacity. My father believed that I had all that I needed within my head to succeed to the highest level.

I agree with my dad to a certain extent. Yes, we all can try to be the best and achieve the most. We have options to fail, options to succeed, and everything in between. However, I strongly agree with the adage that comparison is the thief of joy. We all have to run our races and figure out why we are entrepreneurial lawyers. Why do we care so much about what another attorney is earning? If money is indeed the sticking point, give yourself permission to go and get that type of case as well. Why do we care what another attorney is charging? Do you want to charge that much? Permit yourself to do so. If you feel overwhelmed by ongoing work, exercise saying no — even when great opportunities present themselves. If you are dissatisfied and stuck where you are, permit yourself to go another way.

Don’t find yourself being that lawyer in the back, grumbling about another lawyer doing what you may deep down want to do yourself. You may even discover that some things you desire are not worth the effort or misalign with your values on your journey. No matter the outcome, when you permit yourself to try, you get opportunities to learn and grow.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this or any other article I write for Above the Law. Please send me an email at [email protected], and I will do my best to reply.

Iffy Ibekwe is the principal attorney and founder of Ibekwe Law, PLLC. She is an estate planning attorney evangelist for intergenerational wealth transfer with effective wills and trusts. Iffy is writing her first book on culturally competent estate planning, available in 2022 (prayers up!). She graduated from The University of Texas School of Law and has practiced law for over 14 years. Iffy can be reached by email at [email protected], on her website, and on Instagram @thejustincaselawyer.