A Lawyer’s 'Christmas Carol'

A cautionary tale for the holiday season.

ScroogeThe Ghost of Christmas Present stepped back into the break room, looking dejected.

“Any luck?” asked the Ghost of Christmas Past.

“Not a bit,” said Present, slumping into a chair. “I don’t get it. Maybe Future can crack him.”

“Let’s go back over what we did, maybe we can see where we went wrong,” said Past.

“I’ll tell you, I don’t know what the problem is with this stodgy law firm leader – he’s a real piece of work,” said Present.

Ignoring Present, Past pressed onward. “Per standard operating procedure, I took him back in time to his happiest Christmas memories. Normally we end up looking at something heartwarming and nostalgic. Sipping warm cocoa sitting in a parent’s lap, getting a new puppy Christmas morning, that sort of thing.”

“What came up as this guy’s happiest Christmas memory?” asked Present.

Sponsored

“We went back to his first year as an associate and watched him cash his first paycheck.”

“Yeesh. So what did the lawyer say when he saw himself?”

“At first he got all teary and nostalgic for the way things used to be. He started telling me about how he used to do research in actual libraries with physical books using this Key … something system.”

“How far back did you go, the Stone Age?” muttered Present.

“Then he rambled on for a while about how technology makes everything worse, and he doesn’t bother to keep up any more, even though the young people seem to like it, and it’s not like he does research at his age because his time’s better spent on other things, and then he kind of trailed off into complaining about how young attorneys are all lazy and rely too much on technology and can barely turn in their 2,100 billable hours these days.”

Sponsored

“How much did he have to bill when he was an associate?”

“I asked him that,” said Past. “He told me to respect my elders. That’s when I decided to tag out and hand him over to you. So how did it go reviewing the present? Whose Christmas dinner did you peek in on?”

“We didn’t. We landed back in the law firm. I figured I’d just roll with it. You work with what the client cares about, right? I asked him how his team was doing. He said great, they’d beaten their revenue forecasts by 10%. So I said to him ‘I didn’t ask about your financials, I asked about your team.’” Present pantomimed dropping a microphone.

“And?” asked Past.

“Then he just groused that they could have beat budget by 20% if people only came in the office. He doesn’t trust his attorneys to get things done if they’re not in the office where he can keep an eye on them.”

“Tell me,” said Past. “So being in the office isn’t as much about ‘culture’ as it is about monitoring people like they’re in a prison?”

“Indeed,” answered Present.

“Goodness gracious,” said Past, slumping defeatedly into a chair of her own. “Even if the guy doesn’t care about Christmas cheer, he should at least care about his team! Flexible working isn’t a perk anymore, it’s the bare minimum. How are you ever going to retain headcount with an attitude like that?” Realizing she had just used the term “headcount” unironically, Past let out a whimper and summoned a strong hot toddy.

“I hear you,” said Present. “I tried telling him how competition for lateral associates is at an all-time high, so you need to take care of your people if you don’t want crazy turnover. I told him building a culture of kindness, competence, and decency was actually good business sense. He just said that anyone who leaves is a malcontent, and anyone who plans to lateral out should do it, and decrease the surplus population.”

The door to the break room swung wide, and the swirling robe of the Ghost of Christmas Future, black as grave dirt, glided in on a billowy fog. A bony hand extended from each sleeve, but the hood of the robe contained no face. It simply formed a darkened hollow from which emanated a booming voice.

“What is the deal with this guy?” said Future. His bony arms crossed in front of him as the hood of his robe shook side to side in disbelief.

“I know, right?” said Past. “What happened?”

“I took him to his last Christmas to show him what the future holds if he does not change his ways. We arrived at his firm and found him working alone on a cold December night, buried in stacks of books, trying to find the answer to a question that Google could have cleared up in one search. The firm itself was a shadow of its former glory. I showed him that his failure to keep up with the times had caused his people and clients to flee. I showed him that his maniacal clinging to history had left his firm a dusty relic — leading to him being the last one standing as others fled. Finally, we watched him collapse at his desk and die, alone.”

“What did he do when he saw that?” asked Present.

“He asked me for a pen, which I provided. He asked for paper, as well. I watched for the next several minutes as he wrote down all he had seen and heard on this night, past, present, and future. As he finished, he last asked me to tell him when it was that he had died. I told him that the day of his death was not for any man to know, and that if he changed his ways, showed care and concern for others, and embraced change, this future he saw need not be his after all.”

“He then said ‘I don’t care about the date. I just need the time, so my next of kin can get the billing entry correct.’”

After a silence, the Ghosts agreed to never speak of that night again. They departed, wishing each other a good night and a Merry Christmas.


GoodnowJames Goodnow is the CEO and managing partner of NLJ 250 firm Fennemore Craig. At age 36, he became the youngest known chief executive of a large law firm in the U.S. He holds his JD from Harvard Law School and dual business management certificates from MIT. He’s currently attending the Cambridge University Judge Business School (U.K.), where he’s working toward a master’s degree in entrepreneurship. James is the co-author of Motivating Millennials, which hit number one on Amazon in the business management new release category. You can connect with James on Twitter (@JamesGoodnow) or by emailing him at James@JamesGoodnow.com.