New Mom, New Lawyer, New Normal: My Struggle To Find Success In A Global Pandemic

By sharing our struggles and encouraging others that they are not alone, we are working to change how society defines a 'good mom' or a 'great associate.'

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Ed. note: This is the latest installment in a series of posts on motherhood in the legal profession, in partnership with our friends at MothersEsquire. Welcome Katie Reed to our pages. Click here if you’d like to donate to MothersEsquire.

Your first year as an associate is hard, and there is no question that being a new mom comes with sleepless nights and constant stress. But being a first-year associate, a new mom, and enduring the COVID-19 pandemic simultaneously was a trifecta I never anticipated.

My 2020-2021 looked like this:

  • March 2020 — I left law school for spring break and never physically returned to the building.
  • June 2020 — I gave birth to my son.
  • August 2020 — I started my final semester of law school.
  • December 2020 — I “graduated” law school, with no actual graduation.
  • February 2021 — I sat for the UBE Virtual Bar Exam.
  • March 2021 — I started my job as a supervised associate.
  • May 2021 — I was admitted to practice law.

After juggling law school, a baby, working part-time, and studying for the bar exam, I honestly believed that my life would get easier in 2021. I wasn’t prepared for just how hard being a new mom and being a new associate would be. I felt blindsided. Surely I had to be doing something wrong because no one else seemed to be struggling like I was.

We live in a society that communicates the facade of everyone having these perfect lives. The pressure to be a mom who has a clean home, full-time job, dinner made every night, never misses their child’s activity, and always has it together is real. The pressure doesn’t stop there either.

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As a first-year associate, there is internal and professional pressure to prove your worth as an attorney. To “pay your dues” as a first-year associate you are supposed to be the first to arrive and the last to leave, work more hours than anyone else in the office, do all the legal research, and write every brief, oh, and seamlessly adjust to the practice of law during “COVID times.” I have been a licensed attorney for six months, and because of COVID I have yet to go to a single docket call. What I had anticipated my life as a new attorney would be is not the current reality.

I had set these standards for myself to be the mom who had it all together and the first-year associate that did it all. The impossible standards I had set for myself made me feel like a complete failure in all aspects of my life.

I have come to realize I will never be the “perfect” mom, and I will never be the “perfect” attorney. But I can be the perfect version of myself. I have started a journey of redefining what success truly is for myself and giving myself grace as I strive for success.

These are the five things that have helped me:

Find Your Battle Buddies

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One of the best things I have done on this journey is insisting on doing lunch with an opposing attorney. Through our work conversations, I learned that she was also a new attorney and a young mom. That one lunch date has turned into a friendship and support system. Having someone to be your “battle buddy” and go through the trenches with you helps put a reality check on your measures of success. You are not alone. Look for friends or acquaintances who can relate to your struggles. Invite them for lunch, coffee, or a play date. Share your struggles and be honest about your journey.

Ask for Help

You are not a failure for asking for help. I hate asking for help. In the midst of one of my many breakdowns, I finally came to terms with the fact that needing help is not a bad thing. Babies get sick and lawyers can’t always be flexible. It is okay to ask someone else to watch your sick child or take them to the doctor because you can’t get away. It is okay to ask another attorney to cover for you because something has come up at home. Asking for help does not make you weak, in fact, it gives you strength.

Be Kind To Yourself

Do not beat yourself up. On a regular basis my sink can be overflowing with dishes, my laundry piled up on the floor, toys are thrown across the house, and my son is eating Froot Loops for dinner. I wish more than anything that I could keep a perfect home and accomplish all of my work tasks, but instead of beating myself up, I try to be gracious for what I can accomplish. It is so easy to see the things you aren’t doing and not see all that you accomplish. Be gracious with yourself. Take the time to relax even if you have dishes to do. The list of to-dos never ends, but being deliberate in the way you care and think of yourself can prevent burnout or a breakdown. And if you do have a breakdown, that is okay too. Take the time you need to recover and keep striving for your measure of success going forward.

Set Your Boundaries

Saying no can be hard, especially when it is your new boss you have to say no to. We all know that work-life balance is important to reduce stress and prevent burnout, but finding that balance can be difficult. Honor your family commitments, and unplug from work when you are home. By respecting the time you have committed to your family and standing firm in the boundaries you have set, you are taking steps to achieve a better work-life balance.

Be A Cheerleader 

Encourage others. The only way we can make a difference and change societal views is by encouraging those around us to find their own measure of success. Being a mom and being an attorney is hard. It is okay that it is hard! Don’t downplay or discredit your experience. By sharing our struggles and encouraging others that they are not alone, we are working to change how society defines a “good mom” or a “great associate.” Struggles and failures don’t make you any less successful. Often, they make you a stronger person.


Katie ReedKatie Reed is an associate attorney at McMahan Law Firm in Chattanooga, TN. She is a plaintiff’s attorney focusing on personal injury and worker’s compensation cases. She is a devoted wife and blessed mother to one son, two dogs, and a cat. When she is not at work or chasing around her toddler, you can find her behind the lens of a camera or reading a good book. You can connect with her on LinkedIn or email her at katiereed@mcmahanlawfirm.com.