Gameshow host. Mr. Potato Head LARPer. Steve Harvey has done a lot with his time in the spotlight and is adding a new role to his repertoire: adjudicator.
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I’m gonna save us all some time and not beat around the mustache here. I have a couple of questions. Who in the hell asked for this? Which C-suite grey suit saw how Mr. Harvey handles stupidity and thought, “Yeah, this is a guy we need in a robe for daytime television”? Did Judge Judy (peace be upon her) specially request Mr. Think Like A Man to display his legal chops to the world in a subtle attempt to reestablish trust in the rule of law? Because let’s be serious — how could you not trust those cheekbones!?
While I will admit the trailer for this show sparked a calm rage in my soul, I’m clear-headed enough to know why. It’s not that I need less Harvey.
I. Need. More.
Why stop at just civil suits? Can you imagine the viewership if The Honorable Steve Harvey were to preside over a criminal third-degree battery case? How he’d scream “Watch out there now!” as the defense enters the knife used in the alleged assault as evidence? Or consider Biden’s judicial committee that did left of nothing. What if we just give our problems to Steve to figure out? It’s a long shot, but I have more hope in it than Chief Justice Roberts telling other judges to basically chill out on the doing naughty stuff while on the bench.
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I’ll be sure to watch the highlights reels on YouTube; hope you’ll do the same.
Chris Williams became a social media manager and assistant editor for Above the Law in June 2021. Prior to joining the staff, he moonlighted as a minor Memelord™ in the Facebook group Law School Memes for Edgy T14s. He endured Missouri long enough to graduate from Washington University in St. Louis School of Law. He is a former boatbuilder who cannot swim, a published author on critical race theory, philosophy, and humor, and has a love for cycling that occasionally annoys his peers. You can reach him by email at [email protected] and by tweet at @WritesForRent.