Courts

I’ve Seen Mock Trial Team Members Do Better Than Amber Heard’s Lawyer. They Weren’t Even That Good.

Heard's lawyer: 'So you think the recording of her admitting to hitting you is enough to establish that she did it?' Also Heard's lawyer: Objection.

By Chris Williams on April 26, 2022 10:49 am

Close up photo beautiful she her business lady hand arm head raised up laugh laughter big salary income earnings genius startup notebook table sit office chair wearing specs formal-wear shirtAs a general rule, layfolks should not represent themselves in court.

That said, there are risks one takes on when you hire counsel to speak on your behalf. Like your attorney realizing midway through that an answer might not be going in the direction he wants.

If you want to know how the Johnny Depp v Amber Heard defamation trial is going, all you need to know is that Amber lawyer objected to a question he asked
byu/Enby-pup innextfuckinglevel

Don’t even fight admitting it, that was funny. If you disagree, that’s fine and dandy; I respect your right to be wrong. But the hilarity of this line of questioning is undeniable:

For reference, the guy who plays Captain Jack Sparrow is 5’10 to Amber Heard’s 5’7. Now, purely for the sake of illustrating what Heard’s counsel evoked with the phrase “a lot bigger” and not at all because I cannot think of another case where this makes sense to do in an ATL article, I submit to you this selection of videos wherein Kevin Hart just exists near people taller than him.

Now look. Are these jokes low-hanging fruit? Yes. Parasitic comments about uncontrollable features at a time when empathy is in short supply? Absolutely.  But I am not above laughing at them — try Joe Patrice if you want someone whose comedic palate is more high brow.

That said, Depp’s team seems to be faring better when it comes to dealing with hearsay.

Till next time.

Chris Williams became a social media manager and assistant editor for Above the Law in June 2021. Prior to joining the staff, he moonlighted as a minor Memelord™ in the Facebook group Law School Memes for Edgy T14s.  He endured Missouri long enough to graduate from Washington University in St. Louis School of Law. He is a former boatbuilder who cannot swim, a published author on critical race theory, philosophy, and humor, and has a love for cycling that occasionally annoys his peers. You can reach him by email at [email protected] and by tweet at @WritesForRent.