The Secret Ingredient To Building An Incredible Book Of Business? Be Human.

No matter how you look at it, bringing in business is not a simple exercise in sending out a higher-level resume into the universe. It is about making connections.

People having drinks at a restaurantEd. note: This is the latest installment in a series of posts on motherhood in the legal profession, in partnership with our friends at MothersEsquire. Welcome Deb Feder to our pages. Click here if you’d like to donate to MothersEsquire.

Have you ever walked into a networking event and had someone take the stage to shush the crowd, asking everyone to please be quiet, and announce: “If I can have your attention, it is [insert your name]’s turn to give an elevator speech.”

Busting into the conversation at this point with that elevator speech that has gone through 10 drafts and a full marketing department review simply sounds flat, and drops any chance of getting back to the energizing conversation you walked into with the group. It squishes in all your expertise into a few short sentences. It’s perfectly balanced to make your practice seem both broad and deep while trying to sound personal and professional. It says, “I am flexible enough to do absolutely anything that someone who will hire me might want me to do.”

There is one major issue with this approach: sounding like you do everything often ends up sounding like nothing. The overuse of an elevator speech falls flat. It keeps your personality off the table and leaves no room for the next question.

No matter how you look at it, bringing in business is not a simple exercise in sending out a higher-level resume into the universe. It is about making connections. Not just meeting people — finding the place where you intersect. It requires learning about clients, understanding their perspectives, and identifying how you are uniquely positioned to help them achieve their goals. It means knowing about them, and allowing them to know you. It’s about being present, aware, and human.

There are so many ways to dissect how to show up for business development. At the core, it requires being able to actively listen and pay attention to the nuances in the room. Business development asks you to identify what is being said and what is not being said. It is the moment when you are relaxed enough to authentically share your expertise and experience without spewing a digital resume and hoping it lands well enough for someone to hire you.

What if, instead, you walk into that bustling room and spot a few people you know, grab a drink, and find yourself an active listener in a random conversation. After a few minutes, you might shake hands with a couple people, give your name, ask a question, and join the conversation which usually has nothing to do with your resume. It might be about your favorite workout, your kids’ school project, or the latest binge-worthy television show.

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As conversations advance past “Hello,” and you show up confidently as yourself, your expertise and experience will shine without ever having to recite that elevator speech or sound like a digital resume. Conversations often build in stages, including hints to the full life of the participants (think all things kids, food, hobbies, travel, and the juggling of obligations), which then gives you the space to show up and connect over the stuff that makes up your full life. Practicing patience and staying engaged through the flow of the dialogue is a trust building exercise and one that allows the relationship to start with a solid foundation. You might connect over the appetizers or the speaker, but then segue into your work and the client’s needs a whole lot faster.

Here are three simple ways to put this into action right away that will allow you to show up as you:

  1. Remind yourself what you love about your work. Spend three minutes writing down every single thing that energizes you about what you do, about your clients, and about your workdays. This might be substantive (what you love to nerd out on) or how you practice (consider this your leadership, who you talk to in a day, or who you get to work with). Allow this list to grow. When you are ready, pick out one or two areas that you want others to understand about you when you first meet them.
  2. Explore something new. Nothing connects and allows us to engage in the smaller talk (that leads to the bigger conversations) like sharing something interesting. Subscribe to a new magazine, go to a museum, watch a movie, or read a book. Anything that is of interest to you. Find one thing that sparks a conversation. For me? All things coffee and current events.
  3. Find one good question. I’m a big believer in finding the right three-question strategy when we dive into a customized business development plan. This starts with finding one thing to ask when walking into the room. Make it more than “what do you do,” and use it as a way to gather data and understand how ideal clients, colleagues, and referral partners are looking at this issue. The more conversations, the more information you have. We will turn this information into the base of an awesome content strategy next.

That’s the start. Arming yourself with these three strategies allows you to walk into conversations, showing up as yourself, staying present in the discussion, and connecting with clients at the human level, before launching into the next great business discussion. The rest of the strategy rolls forward from here.


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deb headshot 2022 fall copy 2Deb Feder is CEO of Feder Development LLC, a  consulting firm focused on helping lawyers and professionals bring in consistent clients through  curious, confident conversations and changing the way we view productivity for professionals. For the last decade, she has committed herself to changing the way we think about and how we tackle high-stakes work, allowing for big careers while enjoying our free time.  

Prior to founding Feder Development, Deb practiced corporate law for 15 years. Deb’s latest book, After Hello: How to Build a Book of Business, One Conversation at a Time, is a guide to building a thriving law practice based on a blend of mindset, strategy, and straightforward solutions.