A few days ago, I was standing beside my friend and client David as he succumbed to his terminal illness. I’m not sure if he can hear me or if he even understands my words as I tell him about the mundane things going on in my life. I want to tell him how much our friendship means to me but know my next few words will undo me completely. So, I stay quiet. I stay still. I just be with him. He passed away just a few days after my last visit at only 53 years of age.
Three years ago, David was diagnosed with glioblastoma. If you’re not familiar, it’s an aggressive brain cancer with a survival rate that is under 8%. David battled this disease like the warrior he was, even returning to work for a short stint, wanting to get back in the game.
Now, if you’ve read any of my previous books or articles, you know I’m typically an upbeat writer. But I felt compelled in this moment to share something different. In the saddest or most challenging of moments, there may be some life wisdom here worth sharing. It’s a fact that we’ve all endured painful times — and we know there will be more to come on the horizon.
Calculate Your Firm’s Time-Saving Potential
Want more time for what matters most? MyCase streamlines your firm so you can focus on winning cases. See how much time you could save with our Law Firm Time Savings Calculator—try it now!
Here are three reflections that might help you carry on, even through life’s hardest chapters.
1. Build a meaningful life.
Meaning looks different for each of us — and that’s the point. It’s personal. When I think of David’s legacy, I see it in his two remarkable daughters, in the love he shared with his wife, and in the decades he spent helping others as a dedicated attorney. He spent his life in the service of others in court and at his coffee table at home.
Take a moment to reflect: What does a meaningful life look like for you? Are you on that path? If there’s anything loss teaches us, it’s that time is far more precious than we often realize. What can you do today — right now — that will bring meaning to your life and to the lives around you?
2. Give yourself credit.
We’re often hardest on ourselves. We focus on what’s missing, what we could have done better, or how far we still have to go. But what about how far you’ve already come? David came to me ten years ago for coaching, seeing that his talents for rainmaking could be improved. I knew he would be the ideal client for me, because he valued education and always kept the commitments he made. I recognized in him from the start that he was a winner. Someone who had more than he even knew.
Best Practices In Trust Accounting: What Every Lawyer Needs To Know
Learn legal trust accounting best practices to ensure compliance and protect client funds. Discover expert tips to set your firm up for success.
Think back to who you were in junior high or high school. Could you even fathom the depth of your knowledge, skill and lifestyle you now have before you? You’re practicing in one of the most demanding — and meaningful — professions out there. Maybe you’re serving on a board, supporting a charity, or raising amazing kids. It’s all so incredible, yet we focus on what we didn’t do or what we don’t have.
You’ve accomplished so much, so far. So pause. Appreciate your progress. And, I’m not sure which ancient philosopher said this, but “love thyself.”
3. Make space to enjoy life.
I know attorneys billing 3,000 hours a year. Others are drowning in admin or churning through email jail (200-500 emails a day). It’s not sustainable. And more importantly — it’s not living.
Where’s the travel? The family time? The space to recharge? Even David, in his limited capacity traveled with his family to Hawaii this past year.
Sometimes we have to say “no” or make bold decisions to reclaim our lives. I’ve never heard anyone in their later years say, “I wish I’d billed more hours.” Think about how you’re spending your time — and how much actual life you’re getting out of each day.
This doesn’t mean you should abandon your ambition. But it does mean that joy, connection, and presence deserve a spot on the calendar too.
When I reflect on my friendship with David, I’m grateful beyond measure. And after a near-death experience of my own, I’ve come to understand just how finite — and how incredible — this one shot at life really is.
Let this be your moment to pause. To shake something loose. Take a breath and check in with yourself. What does happiness look like to you? What kind of legacy are you building? And most of all, remember this:
You’ve come so far. You’re valued. People love you. And there’s still so much more life left to live.
Steve Fretzin is a bestselling author, host of the BE THAT LAWYER Podcast, and business development coach exclusively for attorneys. Steve has committed his career to helping lawyers learn key growth skills not currently taught in law school. His clients soon become top rainmakers and credit Steve’s program and coaching for their success. He can be reached directly by email at [email protected]. Or you can easily find him on his website at www.fretzin.com or LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/stevefretzin/.