Last Friday, a 20-year-old man whose entire brand is being better looking than other people walked into a Miami-Dade courtroom and met his match. His name is Braden Peters, and he goes by Clavicular online. He did not win the courtroom face card battle.
Let’s back up. Peters skyrocketed to fame as the poster child for “looksmaxxing” — a subculture devoted to maximizing attractiveness using extreme measures including, in Peters’s case, hitting himself in the face with a hammer to reshape his bone structure, openly using methamphetamine as a weight loss tool, and injecting unapproved substances into his own face on livestream. He has legions of followers on Instagram, TikTok and Kick. The New York Times and GQ have profiled him. He is, by his own assessment and that of his followers, extremely good looking and extremely committed to staying that way.
Peters recently accepted a plea deal tied to a March livestream filmed in Florida’s Everglades, in which Peters and another influencer repeatedly fired shotguns at what appeared to be a dead alligator while streaming from an airboat inside a protected wildlife area. The charge: unlawfully discharging a firearm in public. The plea: no contest. Peters and co-defendant Andrew Morales were sentenced to six months of probation, 20 hours of community service that cannot be streamed or monetized, a firearm safety class, and a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission course. His attorney said Peters “accepted responsibility for his conduct” and that “no individual was injured, and the alligator involved was already deceased prior to the events at issue.” Which: sure, but also you shot it anyway, many times, on camera, in a protected wildlife area. But fine.
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None of that is the story. The story is the judge.
Within hours of the hearing footage circulating, social media had turned the courtroom appearance into a meme war centered almost entirely on the appearance of Miami-Dade Judge Marcus Bach-Armas, with thousands of posts claiming he had completely “judgemogged” the 20-year-old streamer during the proceedings. For the uninitiated: “mogging” is manosphere slang for physically outshining everyone around you. It is, essentially, the entire premise of Clavicular’s brand. And the internet’s assessment was swift and unanimous: the judge mogged him. Badly.
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So who is Judge Marcus Bach-Armas? Glad you asked. He is, first and foremost, a 305er (that is, a Miami native) — born to a mother whose family fled Communist Cuba and a father whose parents escaped Nazi Germany, raised in Miami, educated at Wesleyan University and the University of Michigan Law School. He’s a Biglaw vet (Holland & Knight) and before taking the bench, he worked as senior director of legal and government affairs for the Miami Dolphins and Hard Rock Stadium, contributing to the Formula 1 Miami Grand Prix and the Miami Open tennis complex, and has been recognized for mentorship work and involvement with Dolphins Challenge Cancer. He is 42. He has, per multiple independent assessments from the looksmaxxing community, striking blue eyes and a chiseled jawline. His social media appears to be limited to LinkedIn.
Here at Above the Law we cover judges a lot. We cover their opinions, their confirmation hearings, their occasionally baffling decisions, their sometimes alarming social media posts. We have not previously covered a judge going viral because a looksmaxxing influencer’s fanbase collectively decided he was better looking than the defendant. There is a first time for everything.
Kathryn Rubino is a Senior Editor at Above the Law, host of The Jabot podcast, and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. AtL tipsters are the best, so please connect with her. Feel free to email her with any tips, questions, or comments and follow her on Twitter @Kathryn1 or Bluesky @Kathryn1