It’s exhausting to have a president who couldn’t pass 7th grade American history — particularly when the mad king’s advisors are too busy glazing him to point out when his latest edict is not a thing. Twice this week, the law-understander demanded an appeal to the Supreme Court of an adverse ruling by the Supreme Court.
On social media he railed about birthright citizenship, one of his only losses this term.
“I will be asking for a Rehearing by the United States Supreme Court, IMMEDIATELY,” he screeched. “This miscarriage of justice will destroy America if they don’t change their absolutely insane decision.”
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Obviously, the 14th Amendment is the new Roe v. Wade for conservatives — they’ve only begun to fight. But not “IMMEDIATELY.” Presumably they were going to take a few weeks to regroup, then head back to the Fifth Circuit to workshop some new, batshit legal theory. Maybe Trump will declare some subset of foreign nationals to be an occupying army whose children are outside the protection of the law, as Judge James “Pick Me Girl” Ho suggested in one of his more embarrassing attempts to get elevated to Alito’s seat. Maybe they’ll declare some hospital on the border to be a “birth tourism” hub and un-person all babies born there.
It’s unlikely that the nativist wing of the GOP was planning to present exactly the same arguments to the Supreme Court before the start of the October term on the compelling legal theory of “NOBODY SAW THIS COMING!!!”
Your move, Solicitor General John Sauer!
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If the SG does flaunt his humiliation kink by indulging the president, he’d be wise to heed the experience of Trump’s other lawyers, who tried something similar this week. After the Supreme Court denied Trump cert in E. Jean Carroll’s defamation case (with no noted dissents) Trump demanded that the fight continue.
Sauer’s former colleagues at the James Otis Law Group in Missouri duly docketed a petition for rehearing on the theory that the original $5 million verdict for sexual assault, which occurred before Trump was elected, and defamation, which occurred after he left office, was intertwined with the second defamation verdict for conduct which took place during his first term. Trump’s lawyers previously asked the Court to hold the first petition until it disposed of the second. But now they’re asking again, because … well, the check keeps clearing. Plus, one of their partners is currently the SG and another just got confirmed to the 8th Circuit, so filing incoherent gibberish is definitely working for ’em professionally.
In court, however, it’s another matter. When Trump’s lawyers presented this petition for rehearing to the trial court and demanded that Carroll wait to collect her winnings, Judge Lewis Kaplan snorted that, per Supreme Court Rule 16.3: “[t]he order of denial [of a petition for a writ of certiorari] will not be suspended pending disposition of a petition for rehearing except by order of the Court or a Justice.” And the Second Circuit brushed off Trump’s emergency request to intercede and stop the court from transferring the funds, which have been held in escrow since 2023.
Turns out, hollering that the Supreme Court is “insane” and must remedy its errors “IMMEDIATELY!!!” doesn’t actually work in court — not even when it’s amplified by the president on his Truth Social platform. OTOH, Alito might actually retire one day so it’s a safe bet that Sauer is polishing up that motion for a mulligan right this minute.
Liz Dye produces the Law and Chaos Substack and podcast. You can subscribe by clicking the logo:
