Have you ever thought that the federal appellate courts need more theme songs and music videos? Neither have we, but the United States Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit decided to answer the question that no one asked with a YouTube drop to compete with Drake. It’s sort of a Temu Schoolhouse Rock — the sort of artistic homage/ripoff befitting the court charged with unique power over intellectual property — offering civic education without any of the enduring catchiness.
It makes “Everyone’s A Winner At Nixon Peabody” look positively dignified.
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It opens on a cartoon monkey riding a rocket ship, then an uncharacteristically spry Ronald Reagan leads a conga line, and the court flexes about its authority over international trade policy right as the current administration screams bloody murder over tariffs.
But one verse stands out:
Now, you might ask, who wears the robe?
Who gets to judge cases we know.
The president picks. That’s how it’s done.
Then the Senate confirms each one.
They serve for life to stay independent and fair.
For life, you say? Because this would be news to Judge Pauline Newman, who is — as of this writing — in active litigation against her Federal Circuit colleagues. Judge Newman has asked the Supreme Court to hear her case after the circuit court, led by Chief Judge Kimberly Moore, suspended her from hearing new cases in September 2023 and have now renewed that suspension annually — making it the longest suspension of a federal judge in American history. Her panel colleagues claim they have the authority to lock her out in perpetuity based upon her mental fitness, citing the D.C. Circuit ruling that judicial conduct and disability determinations are unreviewable. Even though she has submitted to three independent expert evaluations by three different doctors, all of whom have concluded she is fit to perform her duties, the rest of the circuit has shrugged its shoulders and asserted the authority to pocket impeach one of their active colleagues.
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Life tenure for judges is a stupid holdover from an era where the Framers expected federal judges wouldn’t view the gig as a birthright. To get technical about it, the Constitution doesn’t propose life tenure, it just sets the only removal mechanism as congressional impeachment and courts have interpreted that to mean judges must otherwise serve for life. The idea that life tenure shields the judiciary from politics didn’t survive Chief Justice Marshall. If anything, life tenure now artificially constricts the judicial talent pool to whoever the administration thinks has the best actuarial chance to deliver dead hand policy influence for decades to come.
But until we change the law, judges serve for life. Whether Judge Newman should continue hearing cases or not is a matter for Congress, not an unreviewable set of her fellow judges.
Which makes the theme song’s cheerful invocation of life tenure so insane. YOU’RE IN COURT RIGHT NOW FOR ATTEMPTING TO UNDERMINE LIFE TENURE. Normal people call this a self-own, but Judge Newman’s lawyers very much see a statement against interest.
The video goes on to feature a group caricature of the entire court — including some senior judges — while conspicuously excluding the court’s senior active judge. Judge Newman’s central argument all the way up the chain has been that this is a vindictive purge dressed up in a half-baked fitness evaluation. Nothing says “good faith” like putting out a video scrubbing her from the official court like Stalin airbrushing out Nikolai Yezhov.
Under the circumstances, the court probably didn’t want to talk to Newman about including her in the video… but that’s a reason not to do caricatures in the video, as opposed to just leaving out the person claiming in court that her colleagues are trying to erase her.
Federal Circuit Theme Song [YouTube]
Earlier: Judges And Former Clerks Encourage SCOTUS To Hear Judge Pauline Newman’s Case
Pauline Newman Petitions Supreme Court To Hear Her Case
Federal Circuit Dissents Plummet After Pauline Newman’s Ersatz Impeachment
U.S. Appeals Court Denies Pauline Newman’s Bid To Challenge Suspension
Joe Patrice is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter or Bluesky if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe also serves as a Managing Director at RPN Executive Search.