Divorce Train Wrecks

Morning Docket

Morning Docket: 06.29.16

* In case you haven't been keeping score like we have, these are the firms that recently raised salaries: Lowenstein Sandler and Venable (kind of). If you’re ever worried that you’ve missed any of our coverage on pay raises, you can check out our omnibus 2016 salary chart where we collect these stories. [2016 Salary Increase / Above the Law] * "Imitation is NOT the most sincere form of flattery." Not long after filing suit against Ivanka Trump on similar grounds, Aquazzura seeks to plant its dainty foot firmly up Steve Madden's ass with a series of trade-dress infringement suits for what the Italian company alleges are knockoffs of some of its most popular shoe designs. [Observer] * Will law school graduates be the next ones to have their student loans canceled? Thanks to the Department of Education's proposal of an expanded debt forgiveness rule last week, law school graduates may be able to qualify for a "defense to repayment" provision -- and escape their debt -- if they can prove they were defrauded. [BuzzFeed] * "I'm just not taking any chances with my legal profession. It's very difficult to qualify as a solicitor and I'm not willing to just give it up because the U.K. decides to vote out the EU." British attorneys specializing in antitrust law are registering as Irish solicitors for fear of losing their ability to practice EU law. Thanks, Brexit. [Big Law Business] * Blank Rome is adding Stacy Phillips's celebrity divorce boutique to its firm. Over the course of her career, Phillips has represented many "high-net-worth, high-end clients," the likes of which include Britney Spears and Bobby Brown. With the addition of her small firm, Blank Rome's family-law group will grow to 30 attorneys. [WSJ Law Blog]

By Staci Zaretsky
Morning Docket

Morning Docket: 06.07.16

* Amber Heard, who is going through a tumultuous divorce with Johnny Depp amid accusations that he abused her throughout the marriage, met with women's rights attorney Gloria Allred last week. We wonder if the famed feminist lawyer will take the case after a four-hour consultation. [PEOPLE] * Life just got a little more mellow at this firm: Florida-based Greenspoon Marder opened a cannabis and hemp practice group yesterday, opening offices in San Diego and Denver, and putting lawyers to work in Las Vegas. The firm won't be puff-puff-passing up business from the marijuana industry anymore. [Big Law Business] * Doctor-assisted suicide became just legal across the Great White North, but the government took so long to draft a law to go along with the Canadian Supreme Court's ruling that the decision went into effect without any legislation to back it up. [CBS News] * If you're still thinking about applying to law school, here's a surefire way to brownnose your way into the school of your choice: do yourself a favor and include school-specific details in your personal statement. Good luck! [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News] * How can you tell if you're going to make big money after graduating from law school? First, take a look at the ATL Top 50 Law School Rankings to see how your employable graduates from your law school are, and then watch this video. [Business Insider]

By Staci Zaretsky
Morning Docket

Morning Docket: 08.25.15

* Baker & McKenzie was dethroned by DLA Piper as the the Biglaw king of gross revenue. The firm is blaming its poor performance -- a 4.3 percent drop -- on "currency fluctuations." Better luck on snatching back glory next year. [Am Law Daily; Big Law Business / Bloomberg] * It's hard out here for a pimp with an allegedly small peen: Terrence Howard's divorce settlement was overturned by a judge after evidence was brought forward to suggest the actor was coerced into signing it. Apparently his ex was blackmailing him over the size of his manhood. [ABC News] * There's a new sheriff judge in town, and he's cleaning up the Ferguson, Missouri, courts. His first order of business was to wipe out all arrest warrants issued before December 31, 2014, in the wake of the Michael Brown police shooting last August. [Reuters] * Dean Philip Weiser of Colorado Law has announced that he'll be stepping down from his position in July 2016. He'll be remembered for keeping costs low and putting asses in seats during a time when it was difficult to do both concurrently. [Denver Business Journal] * “On one level I give them kudos for playing hide the ball." Gibson Dunn is fighting a subpoena issued by defense attorneys for computer metadata related to its Bridgegate report that cleared New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie of all wrongdoing. [Bergen Record]

By Staci Zaretsky
Morning Docket

Morning Docket: 07.08.15

* FYI, it may be a “nine-week job interview—for both sides,” but summer associates hardly have room to complain when they're being wined, dined, and paid up to $3,000 per week to work at the Biglaw firms where they landed jobs. [Wall Street Journal (sub. req.)] * Hot take alert: Per our favorite (and sometimes controversial) blogging jurist, Richard Kopf of the District of Nebraska, “Senator Ted Cruz is not fit to be President” because he wants to allow voters to boot SCOTUS justices. [WSJ Law Blog] * Maria Mitousis, the divorce lawyer who was seriously injured after a bomb allegedly mailed to her by a client's ex-husband exploded in her office, says she'll be back to work ASAP. Her hand got blown off and she still wants to bill. What's your excuse? [CBC News] * Former Galveston County (Texas) Court-at-Law Judge Christopher Dupuy was recently arrested and charged with two counts of online harassment after he allegedly created sex ads featuring his exes. He sounds like a real winner, y'all. [Crimesider / CBS News] * This prospective law student got a 173 on the LSAT and wants to know whether it would be advisable to retake the exam. Are you actually kidding me with this? You'll get in almost anywhere with a 173 and a pulse. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News & World Report]

By Staci Zaretsky
Morning Docket

Morning Docket: 07.01.15

* Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are getting divorced -- even she couldn't stand the thought of him being Batman. Celebrity divorces don't come cheap, and you know what that must mean: high-powered lawyers and even higher rates for their billable hours! [CNN] * "[H]ow young would you go…I'd do 5[,] [b]ut 0-12 is hot." Well, that's absolutely disgusting. Matthew Gigot, an attorney who does doc review in the D.C. area, was charged in a child pornography case for sexual performance using a minor. [FOX 5 DC] * The main line of defense as of late in the Dewey trial for the former head honchos of this failed firm is that everyone sends out embarrassing -- and potentially incriminating -- emails from time to time. We know all abput that here at Above the Law. [WSJ Law Blog] * "Put down the bong, throw out the vaporizer and lose the rolling papers." If you're hoping to land a job at any federal agency any time in the near future, then you better quit your toking as soon as possible, even if it's legal in your state. [New York Times] * Here's some sad news for women who are interested in taking home their apparently delicious and nutritious placentas to feast upon after their children are born in hospitals: it's only completely legal in three states -- Hawaii, Oregon, and Texas. [The Stir]

By Staci Zaretsky
Morning Docket

Morning Docket: 02.12.15

* With Valentine's Day nearly upon us, and many lawyers waiting to pop the big question this weekend, we must let our readers know that nothing could possibly be more romantic than a prenuptial agreement. Eww, just kidding. [Total Return / Wall Street Journal] * On the opposite side of the spectrum, if you can't stand your spouse anymore, you can stay for a Valentine's weekend at the Divorce Hotel in upstate New York. For the low, low price of $5,000, you can check in married and check out single. [New York Post] * "Usually, people have told me, when you’re stopped, the officer says, ‘License and registration.’" Here's a Supreme Court fun fact for you to keep up your sleeve: Chief Justice John Roberts has never been pulled over by a police officer in his life. [Slate] * According to a recent study conducted by the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, lawyers are the exception to the rule when it comes to pay growth stagnation. "Top earners gonna earn" -- by 1,450 percent compared to the competition. [Wonkblog / Washington Post] * There's a warrant out for Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog who brought this wintry hell upon the Northeast. “He told several people that winter would last 6 more weeks, however he failed to disclose that it would consist of mountains of snow!” [CBS Boston]

By Staci Zaretsky
Morning Docket

Morning Docket: 01.29.15

* “I will be myself. I will be Loretta Lynch.” During the first day of her Senate Judiciary hearing, our would-be attorney general was cool, calm, and collected while delivering the news that she's not Eric Holder. [National Law Journal] * Just how many retweets does it take for a law student at Oklahoma Law to convince Steven Adams of the Oklahoma City Thunder to go with her to law school prom (i.e., Barrister's Ball)? Apparently only 1K. Come on, be her date, Steve! [FanSided] * After being arrested on bribery charges, New York Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver has decided to take a leave of absence from personal injury firm Weitz & Luxenberg -- and to think, he was originally hired “to bring prestige to the firm." [WSJ Law Blog] * “Chess trains you to always think of the worst-case scenario. A lot of the time, that’s what lawyers are hired to do—to think, ‘What’s the worst case and how can I manage it?’” The youngest Debevoise associate moonlights as a chess champ. [Am Law Daily] * Sue Ann Arnall, the ex-wife of billionaire Harold Hamm who first rejected a $975 million alimony check earlier this month and later cashed it, still thinks she should be able to appeal her divorce decree. This woman's got some real chutzpah. [Bloomberg]

By Staci Zaretsky