* Tiger-blooded warlock Charlie Sheen sued by American Express over $287,879 in debt. #Winning. [Courthouse News Service]
* It's really happening, folks! Get ready for ASSLaw. [Washington Post]
* Morgan Lewis knows how to play both sides -- the firm is handling Donald Trump's tax returns and accompanying controversy while simultaneously vetting Hillary Clinton's possible running mates. [Law.com]
* Law school announces a technological innovation concentration... because programming the next LawyerBot is probably the only hope these students have for jobs in 10 years. [Northwestern Pritzker School of Law]
* Cuneo Gilbert attorneys said that they felt threatened when former colleague Preetpal Grewal emailed another former colleague stating she wanted “to kill” them in connection with her national origin discrimination suit. Someone's overreacting here. [Law360]
* The SEC targets a patent troll and a former Fulbright & Jaworski and Bracewell associate in an unrelated securities fraud case. [The Am Law Daily]
* Neil Sedaka may have thought "Breakin' Up Is Hard To Do" but for law firms, mergers are the tough part. [National Law Journal]
* The justice gap for poor civil litigants keeps on growing. [The Nation]
* "I find it highly amusing and somewhat heartening to know that Donald Trump is indirectly subsidizing the defense of undocumented immigrants." Jones Day may be representing presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump, but the firm is also fighting for the rights of more than 100,000 undocumented refugees, all of whom Trump would likely want to see deported if he were to be elected as president in November. [Yahoo!]
* Believe it or not, but Donald Trump's political career in the Republican Party closely tracks that of a Biglaw legend of the bar. In 1940, Wendell Willkie of Willkie Farr & Gallagher fame was an outsider presidential candidate with absolutely no public service experience to his name -- just like Trump. Willkie later went on to lose the election, and only time will tell if Trump will suffer a similar fate in Election 2016. [Big Law Business]
* Professors at George Mason University have demanded that the law school's renaming to honor the late Antonin Scalia be delayed until school leaders answer their questions about the funding of scholarship monies being tied to the ongoing service of the current dean, but according to law school senior associate dean David Rehr, "[e]ven with this action, we are moving forward ... and expect a favorable resolution." [Washington Post]
* After receiving the largest gift in its history, Pace Law has been renamed in honor of an environmentalist, and will now be known as the Pace University Elisabeth Haub School of Law. The donors do not want the amount of their gift to be disclosed, but Pace says it's comparable to the $30 million and $25 million gifts George Mason and Villanova respectively received for their recent name changes. Congratulations! [WSJ Law Blog]
* The trial between Sumner Redstone and Manuela Herzer over the media mogul's mental competence is slated to begin today and will last for a week. With lurid allegations about the 92-year-old's supposed sexual proclivities, his penchant for eating steak through a feeding tube, as well as his incontinence, this is sure to be an incredibly salacious matter that will play out in the public eye. [DealBook / New York Times]
* As Judge Shira Scheindlin leaves the federal bench to join Stroock concentrating on public interest work as of counsel, Law360 spoke with Judge Scheindlin about the move. [Law360]
* George Mason's president responds to rumblings that the law school is too dependent on private donors who cajoled the school into its ASSLaw moniker. [Washington Post]
* A full rundown of all the twists and turns in the ongoing legal battle between Boies Schiller partner Nicholas Gravante Jr. and his mother. [The Am Law Daily]
* These are the questions clients are about to ask you about cybersecurity. Can you answer them? [PC World]
* The McDivitt Law Firm is offering free cab rides home on Cinco de Mayo for lucky drunks in Colorado Springs and Pueblo. So toast the defeat of the hated French all you want Colorado residents! [KKTV]
* The U.S. Trade Representative has some choice words for countries that don't respect IP laws, like China, India, and Switzerland. Wait, what? Switzerland? [Corporate Counsel]
* Kentucky judge blocks the city of Louisville from removing a Confederate monument because, you know, "the South will rise again" and the city doesn't want egg on its face when that happens. [Fox News]
* The complicated case of religious tax exemption for a coffee shop... on grounds owned by a religious order. [The Atlantic]
* Arizona Law's plans to scrap the LSAT in favor of the GRE has angered the Law School Admission Council terribly. In fact, LSAC's general counsel says the school's new policy may violate the organization's bylaws, so it may boot Arizona Law from its membership, thereby cutting the school out of its applications and admissions clearinghouse. We'll have more on this news later today. [Wall Street Journal (sub. req.)]
* Tom Brady of the New England Patriots hasn't filed an appeal of the Second Circuit's reinstatement of his four-game suspension yet, but you can bet your ass that it's coming soon, because the quarterback just made the ultimate Hail Mary legal hire by adding Ted Olson to his team of lawyers. Sports fans can look forward to a bid for an en banc Second Circuit hearing, or even a possible flea flicker to the Supreme Court. [NBC Sports]
* "Republicans haven't been satisfied to simply hobble the court's ability to function. In recent weeks, they have gone to remarkable lengths to impugn the integrity of the justices and thus the legitimacy of the court." The New York Times Editorial Board has a piece that essentially begs Republicans to stop their shenanigans, give Judge Merrick Garland a hearing, and "rescue the Supreme Court from limbo." [New York Times]
* Law firm merger mania is already in full bloom this spring, but which Biglaw firm was one of the first to bite the bullet? It looks like it's Husch Blackwell, which is merging with Milwaukee-based Whyte Hirschboek Dudek, effective July 1. The combined firm will have more than 700 attorneys, 19 offices, and it will likely be among the country's 100 top-grossing law firms. We hope redundancy layoffs won't follow. [Journal-Sentinel]
* "We respect other professors' point of view, but it's less than (8 percent) of the academic faculty." Some professors are outraged over Mason Law being renamed after the late Justice Antonin Scalia, but the university isn't budging, and plans to stick with its new name since administrators "believe that the Antonin Scalia Law School, once it's approved, will be one of the top law schools in the country." [Big Law Business]
* Law students, you make think you know what a gunner is, but you haven't met this prodigy yet. Eighteen-year-old Ahmed Mohamed will be the first student to attend the University of Southern Florida College of Medicine and the Stetson University College of Law at the same time. If you hurry, you may be able to convince this genius to join your study group. You'll surely be the envy of all of your new friends. [ABC Action News]
A new proposal would let wealthy foreign nationals secure an opportunity for a U.S. green card with a $1 million 'gift' to the government, sparking legal and ethical debate.
* ASS Law is back in the news: Earlier this week, professors on the George Mason University Faculty Senate voted 21-13 to reopen the naming process on the already twice-renamed Antonin Scalia Law School. These professors must know that their actions have no impact on the administration's decisions... right? [BuzzFeed News]
* Thanks to allegations of sexual harassment brought forward by courthouse personnel, Judge José A. Fusté of the District of Puerto Rico was allegedly forced by the First Circuit to "retire" from his position, effective June 1. If you're unable to read in Spanish, Google Translate has a version in broken English that may be slightly helpful. [El Nuevo Día]
* Attention intellectual property attorneys, because your practice area just got a little more exciting. The Defend Trade Secrets Act passed in the House yesterday by a vote of 410-2, and that means the “most significant expansion of federal law in intellectual property since the Lanham Act in 1946” will likely soon become law. [WSJ Law Blog]
* "Transitioning at a Biglaw firm, are you crazy?" Not only is it possible to transition in Biglaw, but it's possible to thrive as a transgender woman in Biglaw, and Sara Schnorr of Locke Lord had the full support of her firm. In fact, she was recently appointed to the Massachusetts Commission on the Status of Women. Congrats! [Big Law Business]
* "Is nonlawyer ownership of law firms long overdue? Or a bad idea?" The U.K. and Australia are already doing it, and now the ABA Commission on the Future of Legal Services is seeking comments for an issues paper on the risks and benefits of nonlawyer law firm ownership. Email us or tweet us and let us know what you think. [ABA Journal]
* Professors at George Mason are outraged that administrators agreed to rename the law school after the late Justice Antonin Scalia without any input from the people who work or study there -- his opinions don't "reflect the values of our campus community." They're circulating a petition to denounce the name change, but thus far, none of its signatories are law professors. [NBC News]
* "I would appreciate if we could keep things that are very serious here appropriately viewed that way." 50 Cent got yelled at by his bankruptcy judge because he brought his cellphone into the courthouse, took a picture of himself with a stack of fake cash, and posted it on Instagram. A motion to dismiss this wanksta is needed. [WSJ Law Blog]
* SCOTUS will hear oral arguments on the appeal of securities fraud case Salman v. United States next term, and Eugene Ingoglia of Morvillo L.L.P. hopes the justices will provide some greater detail as to "what counts as a personal benefit." Let's just hope that they don't make insider trading's road any rockier. [DealBook / New York Times]
* "The district court’s ruling errs in so many respects that it is hard to know where to begin.” You know that when an appellate holding begins with the prior statement, the trial judge is going to be in for a doozy of a benchslap. We'll have more on the First Circuit slapping around Judge Juan Pérez-Giménez (D.P.R.) later today. [BuzzFeed]
* Jamie Wine, who was recently appointed as the chair of Latham’s global litigation and trial department, says even though L&W already has 610 litigators, she's looking to hire more of them in the firm's New York and London offices. If you think you want to lateral in, you should know you may be meeting with up to 50 partners. [Big Law Business]
* Hiring for law school summer associates may be on the rise, but you shouldn't assume this means you'll automatically be able to land a job at a prestigious law firm. These firms tend to "put a high value on law school pedigree and grades," so if you happen to attend a lesser school, you'll need to be ranked very highly. [U.S. News & World Report]
* The New York Times editorial board believes SCOTUS justices "already have all the evidence they need to join the rest of the civilized world and end the death penalty once and for all" -- and they may get the chance to do so this Term (but won't). [New York Times]
* A Texas lawyer has filed the first "birther" lawsuit against Republican candidate Ted Cruz, seeking a declaratory judgment that the Canadian-born senator isn't eligible to run for president. The filing is a pretty entertaining read in that it's completely insane. [KHOU 11 News]
* Just when ex-Dewey & LeBoeuf chair Steven Davis thought his legal troubles were over, Citibank swooped in to slap him with a suit seeking repayment of a $400,000 loan for his capital contribution to the failed firm. [New York Law Journal via ABA Journal]
* The U.S. Copyright Office has formed an academic partnership with George Mason University School of Law. We bet students and law school administrators alike are probably hoping it'll turn into an employment partnership as well. [IP Watchdog]
* Lower-ranked law schools ought to thank their lucky stars that U.S. News "ranking competition" exists, because if not for fear they'd sink in the rankings, higher-ranked schools would've enrolled students typically bound for unranked schools. [Forbes]
* Not only has Dzhokhar Tsarnaev's first bid to get a new trial been rejected, but in what's been called a "symbolic gesture," the convicted Boston Marathon bomber has now been ordered to pay more than $101 million in restitution to his victims. [Boston Globe]
* The Supreme Court is going to strike down bans on marriage equality folks. And the tea leaves aren't that hard to read. [Slate]
* Even if the Court proclaims marriage equality the law of the land, discrimination will march on. On that note, can American law schools like Liberty continue to follow Canada's controversial Trinity Western in functionally barring homosexuality? [Tax Prof Blog]
* Law students f**king love Atticus Finch. Um, you know he lost right? Start looking up to winners, like Dan Fielding or something. [Slate]
* Who else is jumping from the hulk that was once Patton Boggs? [Legal Times (sub. req.)]
* Our old friend George Mason Assistant Dean Richard Kelsey, who we last saw Tweeting about black people and the lack of reason, is back explaining that abortion is genocide... because it leads to immigrants coming to America. Or something. [CNS News]
* Meanwhile, there's a new casebook out covering reproductive rights law that challenges the conventional classification of the subject as a subset of women's issues. [RH Reality Check]
* Harvard Law 3L, soon-to-be Clifford Chance associate, rapper. [J.KO]
