State Judges Are Clowns

For the record, Your Honor, you can't catch HIV like that.

Being an asshole doesn't pay off.

"If you don't f**king like the way things are going in this f**king courtroom, then don't come back."

* Ding ding ding, we have a winner: with a bid of $135 million, Univision has prevailed in the auction to buy Gawker Media’s assets (held at the offices of Gawker’s bankruptcy counsel, Ropes & Gray). [Politico]

* The Ninth Circuit rules that the feds can’t spend money to prosecute people whose actions comply with state medical marijuana laws. [How Appealing]

* Protip for millennial law students: don’t call your law professor by her first name. [WSJ Law Blog]

* “Is $88,500 Salary Too Much for a Deputy General Counsel?” (Hint: no.) [Big Law Business]

* Is it time to rethink antitrust enforcement, especially when it comes to Big Tech? [DealBook / New York Times]

* Judge Timothy Dooley has been censured by the Alaska Supreme Court for his rude remarks in open court. [Alaska Dispatch News]

* Hedge-fund billionaire Steve Cohen can’t trade in CFTC-regulated commodities markets until 2018, as part of a settlement with the commission. [Bloomberg]

* Sigfredo Garcia, one of the two men accused of killing law professor Dan Markel, isn’t getting bond just yet. [Tallahassee Democrat; WCTV]

Absolute nightmare of a trial judge.

Wow... The judge was given notice to "not destroy [or] otherwise dispose of [his] paddle."

This "notorious @$$hole" now spends her time clearing tables at a fast-food joint.

* Seton Hall Law Professor Michael Simkovic — he of the million-dollar law degree study — is back with a vengeance. Pay no attention to that law school scam op-ed in the New York Times; very few law school graduates are actually defaulting on their crushing loan debt. [ABA Journal]

* The U.S. Senate is finally looking into what’s going on with predatory pharmaceutical pricing at companies like Valeant Pharmaceuticals and Turing Pharmaceuticals, both of which have recently hiked up the price on lifesaving drugs to an absurdly exorbitant degree. [Reuters]

* Judge Arnold Ogden Jones II, a North Carolina state court jurist, has been accused of attempting to bribe an FBI agent with “a couple of cases of beer” in exchange for information. It better have been some damn good beer, Your Honor. [News & Observer]

* Complaints about tuition be damned, because law schools are still churning out pricey LL.M. programs like its their job. Fordham Law’s compliance program may be useful for some, but it comes with a $53,000 price tag. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]

* Law schools have been in a “death spiral” since applications started to drop along with admissions standards and student debt started to increase exponentially, but some will survive if the ABA steps in and polices accreditation and gainful employment. [Forbes]

* Should town clerks opposed to gay marriage be required to issue licenses to all couples? The Sixth Circuit says…. [How Appealing]

* John H. Ray III, the African American ex-associate at Ropes & Gray who claimed the elite firm discriminated against him, loses in court again, this time before the First Circuit. [National Law Journal]

* Vester Lee Flanagan aka Bryce Williams, the Virginia television broadcaster who killed two colleagues on-air before killing himself, was also no stranger to the legal system: he filed multiple lawsuits alleging racial discrimination. [New York Times]

* Why are in-house lawyers more likely than their non-attorney corporate colleagues to fall for phishing emails? [ABA Journal]

* Dewey know when the prosecution will rest in this seemingly endless trial? Probably today. [Wall Street Journal]

* State judges get nasty with each other in Oregon. [Oregonian]

* Federal judges around the country are advocating for a second look at how defendants get sentenced. [New York Times]

* The Dilly in Philly: Paul Clement v. Ted Olson. [Am Law Litigation Daily]

* A T14 law graduate turned “traveling artist” gets charged with criminal sexual assault in Chicago. [Chicago Tribune]

* Speaking of sexual assault laws, Emily Bazelon explains how the St. Paul’s Rape Case shows why these laws must change. [New York Times]

* Update: convicted Colorado movie theater shooter James Holmes didn’t get just a life sentence, but 12 life sentences — plus 3,318 years on top of that. [CNN]

* Linda Hirshman, author of the forthcoming book Sisters in Law: How Sandra Day O’Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsburg Went to the Supreme Court and Changed the World (affiliate link), explains how Justices O’Connor, Ginsburg, and Sotomayor brought wisdom to SCOTUS (but where’s the love for Justice Kagan?). [Slate via How Appealing]

At least the judge had a sense of humor about his comical situation.

* “[H]e’s just a litigious person. Unless he has something going on in the public eye, he can’t exist.” Former Clippers owner Donald Sterling filed a suit against V. Stiviano and TMZ, accusing them of invading his privacy by sharing a recording of his racism. [New York Post]

* A jury found that an ex-municipal court judge who was convicted of insurance fraud was lying when he claimed that he’d been attacked outside the courthouse by thugs wielding a toilet tank lid. We guess you could say that the jurors were able to flush out all of this guy’s crap. [ABA Journal]

* Talk about a Hail Mary suit: Ted Wells of Paul Weiss and NFL locker-room bullying report fame is being sued for defamation by the former Miami Dolphins offensive-line coach who happened to be one of the casualties of his investigation. [Washington Post]

* Deutsche Bank’s general counsel will step down from his position at the end of the year. Deutsche Bank joins JPMorgan and Bank of America as the third big bank to have announced a change in GC within the past month. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]

* If you’re considering applying to law school, here are five steps you can take to write a “great” personal statement. Surprisingly, one step isn’t mentioning your guaranteed employment at a family firm after graduation. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News]

This judge needs to be fired and disbarred, now.

* FYI, it may be a “nine-week job interview—for both sides,” but summer associates hardly have room to complain when they’re being wined, dined, and paid up to $3,000 per week to work at the Biglaw firms where they landed jobs. [Wall Street Journal (sub. req.)]

* Hot take alert: Per our favorite (and sometimes controversial) blogging jurist, Richard Kopf of the District of Nebraska, “Senator Ted Cruz is not fit to be President” because he wants to allow voters to boot SCOTUS justices. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Maria Mitousis, the divorce lawyer who was seriously injured after a bomb allegedly mailed to her by a client’s ex-husband exploded in her office, says she’ll be back to work ASAP. Her hand got blown off and she still wants to bill. What’s your excuse? [CBC News]

* Former Galveston County (Texas) Court-at-Law Judge Christopher Dupuy was recently arrested and charged with two counts of online harassment after he allegedly created sex ads featuring his exes. He sounds like a real winner, y’all. [Crimesider / CBS News]

* This prospective law student got a 173 on the LSAT and wants to know whether it would be advisable to retake the exam. Are you actually kidding me with this? You’ll get in almost anywhere with a 173 and a pulse. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News & World Report]

Women lawyers shouldn't have to choose between breastfeeding or practicing law.

How much have taxpayers spent on the defense of this judge, and how many law firms has she burned through?

He earned himself an ethics complaint for making insensitive remarks like this.

A state high court benchslaps a trial judge for making impartial and derogatory remarks in a child custody dispute.

Whoa, these judges probably shouldn't sit next to each other on the bench at court.

It takes John Oliver only a few minutes to obliterate the idea that we should be electing judges.

It seems that one of the biggest problems facing the Virginia justice system is not its gross prosecution and over-incarceration of minorities, but women lawyers in skirts.